Panic attacks just from being in lane.
Howdy summoners, recently I've been finding that I have an odd reaction to laning. In the past half year or so, partially because the team a bunch of my friends were on needed a jungler, I picked the role up. Pretty quickly found that it was absolutely perfect for me, and I haven't looked back since. That being said, sometimes I want to play a champion who isn't a jungler, sometimes the urge to not have to respond to three lanes begging for banks at once, just takes over and I try to lane.
But lately it been affecting me physically. I know it sounds stupid, but for some odd reason being in lane makes my heart rate skyrocket. I can feel it pounding in my head, hear it in my ears. I start getting shaky, my breath starts getting short.
It's almost as if I somehow feel more pressure in a lane now after becoming a jungle main than I do with handling whining laners as a jungler. I get paranoid about getting yanked, I start getting disheartened when I lose a CS advantage, and I have issues trading damage or handling the more oppressive lane opponents like Darius or Renekton. I feel like I have to do good so my jungler isn't having to save me, and that's if I even feel I can count on a random jungler at all. More often than not I'm distrustful, seeing opportunities that from personal experience I know would net a solid kill that a jungler just completely ignores. I try to win my lane as soon as I can so I can start roaming and helping other lanes, worried that at some point something may go wrong that, had I been there to help, might have been avoided or even turned around. Like at any moment someone could all in me, and I wouldn't be able to do anything to stop them. I'll lose my lane, possibly contribute directly to losing the game because of it. Every minion I miss chips away at my psyche, every kill I give up, whether by misplays, by getting ganked, or just plain unable to get away from an all in puts me farther down a hole. I get scared to go further than my turret, even scared while under one.
It's similar to what I feel when counterjungling, but the risk is so much greater there. I'm careful as I proceed, and if someone hops over a wall and on top of me I feel like I can still get away if I'm careful about doing so. There's a small rush and then it's over and I'm safe back in my own jungle.
I've gotten so used to a jungling mindset that I can't drop it. From the jungle I can calmly assess how a match is going, keeping track of enemy positions, CS, seeing who has the gold advantage and where. In lane I feel that I'm in constant danger, and that if I do badly I'm nothing but a shut down burden or a feeder. In the jungle, by comparison, I'm in control. It's safer, more secure. I'm free to go where I feel I should be, and even if I'm having a bad match I can still get my laners fed. I can still threaten with my presence.I have strategic oversight, and I have a better grasp of the bigger picture.
This can't be normal, or even healthy, to feel so much stress just from playing a Gnar against a Yasuo. How do you go back to being a laner once you've made it your job to pay attention to the entire map at one time and are used to the freedom granted by the jungle? And why do I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack just waiting for minions to spawn under my turret in the first minute of the match?
