Negative attitude/mindset? Reverse snowballing (tilting/losing lane) and how I manage to suck at LoL

Disclaimer: I believe this post to be more of a rant. I have already sought help, read numerous articles on mind-framing/enforcing positive attitude and watched a number of really good videos on how to improve one's mindset in order to perform better at this game. I already know what has to be done, but can't seem to figure out how I can apply this in order to improve my performance.

**Problem: ** I suck at this game, and can't seem to "not care".

I believe that everything a person does (especially considering the amount of time spent) should bring either satisfaction or some kind of productive result - and I feel like a failure when playing the game. Sure, I am not expecting to have a 100% win ratio - but I'd surely like to be a more relevant part of my team when they manage to win. Instead, I find myself constantly trying to "not suck" - as to "not get in the way of my own team", or in other words, "trying to be as light as possible in order to get carried". It seems that every time I go for a play (either as , , or ) 9 times out of 10 I manage to screw up - to make things WAY worse for my team. I just can't seem to make good calls, and even my good calls are kinda "meh", some decisions that were not particularly good or brought some specific advantage for my team, but rather provided a chance for my teammates to capitalize on a given thing. Therefore, when not properly backed-up or followed-up, my plays are just... bad. I never feel in the role of "carrying" a game - even when playing key champions like or (or on ARAMs), it just never seems to be that I actually achieve the needed advantages to snowball my team to victory. I just... fail. Considering that I've been playing ever since 's release (wow, that was a long time ago), I expected to have some kind of improvement over the past months years. But instead, I just feel ever so sad with my performance in this game that I can't seem to stop playing. I keep playing, and sucking, and feeling bad for it.

Recent Game: I just got out of this game, was playing on Team Builder as Support . First minutes of the game get extremely zoned by +, and die numerous times. While trying to protect my carry (a very competent ) I manage to go 0/6/0 on the laning phase, to which point I just snap, and send the following message to my team: > "I am well aware that I suck - hence, I will be muting everyone and trying my best NOT to be a nuisance"

After muting my team (trying my best to avoid bashing), I proceed to keep warding our jungle, ganking other lanes and assisting my team wherever necessary - leaving me with a KDA of 1/12/9 at the end of everything. However, I am well aware that it was my poor performance that gave too much of an edge for the enemy team, and cost my team - other 4 players, who performed way better than me - to lose.

This kind of game/result has been frequent for me whenever I make an impact at the game, I almost certainly make it for the worse - where in matches I could/should be more active/relevant I seem to under perform. Unsure of how to address this problem, and - as noted on the Disclaimer - this is more of a rant.

For long I've been considering the "try harder" approach as well as "git gud", but to no success whatsoever. Well, some people simply suck, I guess.