Discount StarCarft 2 Lottery Defense Guides

So I've been playing "Discount Starcraft 2's Arcade Lottery" (TFT for short) since it's release. I've won some, I've lost some, and so now I wanted to make a proper guide for it.

The game is basically resource management to the smallest degree, and hoping many you've cut the right foot off of a bunny for the most part. So whip out your lucky underpants you haven't washed in 10 years, rub Buddha's belly, throw some salt over your shoulder, and let's discuss TFT.

So far, I've noticed that TFT has a lot of perceived OP characters. There are lots of tier lists on sites that recommend getting a team filled with rage-filled, hope-screaming Garens. These are useless, okay? Forget 'em. YOU make the meta. YOU define the OP characters in this, ya feel me? Because you choose the character you wanna get to place on the board, see. You see an **Aatrox ** come around on that board, and you wanna grab him. You do you, boo. You won't see another one for another 8 turns ... and by that time everyone else has half a team of 2-stars and you have and Aatrox and a couple of assassins that do about diddly-squat to that one guy with the 3-Star Gnar with 2 full items. But that's okay! It's fine, right? Because now ... you're going to try for some synergy.

You see 2 Varus cards on the roll. Lucky you! Looks like letting the ladybug take a whizz on your hand the other day paid off! Now you only need 1 more and you get a sweet, juicy 2-star champion! Then, all you'll need is a **Morgana ** or an Elise to synergise the demonic energy! Can you feel it?? You flip through a few times and ... nothing. Not even a 1g Elise. Might be time to go find some another ladybug...

Okay, listen. Maybe you've learned your lesson. You chose a pretty garbage champion to revolve your comp around, right? Maybe it's you all along. Your garbage team just couldn't cut it against all the CC, the Yordles, the Elementalists and their Giant Rock Golem that they kidnapped from Ivern... Maybe it's your fault. And you have learned that it's not always wise to waste your rolls, you have learned which items to build (a painful lesson brought to you by a Draven with a and ) and a few counters.

So you go back into the game with a fresh mind, a fresh start ... a new day to prove yourself. You manage to stack the Yordle pack ... You have 3 's, your Poppy is a legend of the frontline, your Gnar is unkillable, and even though your Tristana sometimes stops to ponder her existence and take a nap in the middle of a fight, your Lulu is playing on 'Insane' mode. You're dominating! You pick a 4-leaf clove and roll a '7' on 7 dice!! It's glorious! It's beautiful! The "Victory" banner comes up on screen as you defeat your last opponent and you get down on your hands and knees, tearful and praising the RNG gods. What a day, what a beautiful day!

Next match and you are ready ... You know the kinds of builds that work and against what, you know the items, you know the way to position, you know how to manage resources, when to roll, when to sit, when to level ... You don't quite manage to snag a decent starter, no problem. You buy a few heroes you know are good ... plenty of Yordles are on offer. "Excellent..." You think in the voice of Bill & Ted. You'll dominate with yordles again! You fail to incur many items at first ... no problem. You're winning at first, so you are last to choose in the interlude and people take most of the champions you wanted, hey no problem. You have high spirits! You start to notice a lack of yordles, you look around to say most everyone has one of the yordles you have.

"Survive, Adapt, Overcome." You chant the words of Bear Grylls as you turn your horseshoe the right-way up and shove a goldfish in your mouth. Luck don't fail you now! You branch out into other options, build characters that still synergise with your comp, but are still strong enough and bring their own to the table ... you're falling behind. The new champions you have picked can't seem to get passed level 2 at most ... and already you're very behind. Your items are few and far between ... every roll seems to glean nothing. And eventually ... a black cat walks over your computer and a ladder rushes over your head. Your luck has run out. Everything is spiraling. You place 6th. "Pitty..." The voice of a 3-star **Aurelion Sol ** mocks over the end of your game.

What have you learned from this?

1. Never, ever have a positive attitude.
2. Don't eat goldfish. That's not how luck works.
3. RNG is universal chaos in its rawest farm and cannot be tamed.
4. NERF bruisers. NERF all bruisers forever, always, and set them on fire. Why, bruisers? WHY.
5. Strategy is for fools. One broken strat that wins you 10 games, will lose you 10 more simply because you cannot find the things.
6. The only 'skills' you need is to know how to tilt EVERYONE else, get them to pick the bad champs, and how to admit defeat once all the good ones have been taken.
7. Remember how your parents told you someone would always be better than you? Meet This Game, where sometimes nothing is on your side, and that guy wins for literally no reason other than "oh yay I found the 9th Garen on my 8th roll! Teehee!"

Long story short, the best strategy is ... tell people in the champion selection round that you really, really want a specific champion to 'complete your comp' and most people are ... kind enough to take it off your hands. So tell them the worst champion you see up there. It works 6/10 times, tried and tested. The best strategy is what the world's most dangerous spy would say "Classic Misdirection".

TL;DR ... why did we need a copy of a StarCraft 2 arcade game ... but bad ... when we could have had URF?

. . .

In anticipation of the 'reeeeee leave brritney AlonEEEE/RiTO IS TryING htEir BesT/iF yoU DonT LikE it go bACK TO youR OWN COUNRTY' . . . issa joke. go take a bath.