Can We Tone Down The Homoeroticism in The Bilgewater Prose A Little?

BRBGTGBOWFLEX·7/23/2015, 2:46:51 AM·2 votes·671 views

"I had better words ready for this moment. Funny how they all went out the window as soon as I saw him." "Give him room, and he’ll pull your strings ‘til you don’t know which end’s your ass." "His slipperiness came in handy when we were partners." "For once, he’s got nothing cute to say." "but Malcolm couldn’t care less. I’m all he’s interested in."

There are ways to subtly hint at a romantic past. These lines feel a bit stilted, come off as forced, and I think going forward a bit more subtlety in your prose would be good.

8 Comments

Wyrmblade7/23/2015, 3:26:41 AM10 votes

I think the fact that this is what you saw when reading it says more about you than it does the story.

NemeBro7/23/2015, 3:02:11 AM4 votes

Thanks based Graham McNeill.

Brutusness7/23/2015, 6:26:52 AM3 votes

You'd really have to be looking for it to get some sort of romance out of this. Also, cute's another word for cunning or silver-tongued, which Twisted Fate very much is.

Sharjo7/23/2015, 3:17:34 AM2 votes

...That's what you got out of this? A romantic subtext?

...I think you're digging for an argument where non exists.

Dreamspitter7/23/2015, 4:22:43 AM2 votes

{quoted}

"I had better words ready for this moment. Funny how they all went out the window as soon as I saw him." "Give him room, and he’ll pull your strings ‘til you don’t know which end’s your ass." "His slipperiness came in handy when we were partners." "For once, he’s got nothing cute to say." "but Malcolm couldn’t care less. I’m all he’s interested in."

There are ways to subtly hint at a romantic past. These lines feel a bit stilted, come off as forced, and I think going forward a bit more subtlety in your prose would be good.

Also, "cute" has more meanings than what you're thinking.

Ranger Azereth7/23/2015, 3:22:08 AM1 votes

.....I believe it was all fairly good dialogue and made for a good chuckle....with not hidden cough romance cough to be had >.>

Craft Zeppelin7/23/2015, 6:57:25 AM1 votes

This is what happens when you attend a literature course in university. You get academical, and a bit wierd.