An Analysis Of Yorick's Terrible Backstory

Terrible may be a slight exaggeration. The real issue is that, while what is present isn't hold-your-nose-or-you'll-lose-your-dinner awful, that's only because there simply isn't enough content to grade. However, there are some mistakes made that could possibly prevent any further content being worthwhile. I am going to attempt to fix this.

Following is Yorick's current lore page in full, to which I'll make a few minor alterations that should vastly improve the piece.

"These isles...How they scream." The last survivor of a long-forgotten religious order, Yorick is both blessed and cursed with power over the dead. Trapped on the Shadow Isles his only companions are the rotting corpses and shrieking spirits that he gathers to him. Yorick's monstrous actions belie his noble purpose: to free his home from the curse of the Ruination.

Alright then. Let's pick and poke at this corpse like a child with a stick.

-** The opening quote** isn't too bad, but just like the rest of the paragraph it suffers from being far too vague. What's more, it appears more of a description of the Shadow Isles than of Yorick, which is criminally poor considering the lore's overall brevity. I suggest altering that to "These forsaken isles, these desperate waves. How we all scream." Right off the bat, here we have created a far clearer image. One of isolation, of loneliness, as Yorick begins to identify with the sea's constant roars and crashes, and we also evoke an appropriate sense of horror, without losing (and in fact, amplifying) the reference to a ghostly PTSD. Constant ghoulish screams echoing in his mind, that in turn make Yorick want to scream. Ideally this quote should be longer and poetic, referencing Yorick's Shakespearean origins. However, I haven't the time to create a worthy one as of right now.

• ** A religious order?** What kind of religion? They could be anything from goat worshippers to cannibals that dine exclusively on babies. No, bad writing. Far too vague. Let's go with something better below, something that gives Yorick a stronger focus.

• "both blessed and cursed" Fine, but a tad too cliche, and also fails to establish character. Let's change that.

• "his only companions" Much better. I'm going to alter some aspects, as well as change "gather" to "are drawn", as this makes the necromancy seem at least partially involuntary. This is good, the positives of such a dark power should be tempered with drawbacks and suffering.

• ** "Monstrous"?** Compared to who? This is the world of the League of Legends, necromancy is hardly any worse than what many of the other characters do. Also, let's lose the nobility, or at least make it a specific, controversial nobility.

• **"Ruination"? **No, no no. What is this monstrosity? Fantasy writing 101, don't capitalise random words and expect them to mean something to your reader. Don't ever force meaning on your reader, for that matter. Let it emerge naturally. Regardless, this is poor motivation, especially given that Yorick is already cursed/blessed, so what is one more "Curse Of The Silly Word" going to matter? Complete wipe, please.

All together, here is the finished result.

"These forsaken isles, these desperate waves. How we all scream." Yorick is the last survivor of an ancient order charged with defending the sanctity of the buried dead. After developing a gift for necromancy and subsequently cast out at a young age, his abilities have acted as more curse than blessing. Just as he was once, now he is again alone, his only companions the rotting corpses and shrieking spirits that are drawn to him. Trapped on the Shadow Isles, he ceaselessly searches for a final solution. For the order, for the lost souls, for his morals and for the sake of his sanity, Yorick will stop the worldwide desecration of the dead, at any cost.

I think that turned out rather well for a first draft, don't you?

I'd still like a lot more than we currently have, Riot, but something like this would be a strong base to build on.