Some Speculations about Cassiopeia

I'd like to discuss some plot holes in Cassiopeia's lore. Long post incoming.

Cassiopeia is heavily involved in the Shuriman storyline, but is primarily a Noxus-affiliated champion. There is a short story "The Shedding of Skin" that shows Cass back in Noxus after her misadventures in Shurima. But there is a large gap between her Shuriman and Noxian exploits: the last time we see her in Shurima she is melting alive in the jaws of a giant snake, but in Noxus she is unharmed, in control of her abilities, and is becoming a vigilante.

This leads us to some questions: First of all, How is Cass even alive? Cassiopeia tried to open the Tomb of the Emperors, but was not of royal blood. Thus she was attacked and cursed by the Tomb's guardian: a giant snake-statue that came to life. But for some reason, this curse transformed her into a super-powered snake monster. Why? Which ancient Shuriman tomb builder decided that trespassers should be given awesome magical powers, instead of being killed? Cass is magically strong enough to turn people to stone. She is physicals strong enough to effortlessly crush someone in her coils. She also spits acid, and is unnaturally fast. This does not sound like a curse. This sounds like an Ascension.

Next question, How did she get out of Shurima? Somehow, the curse didn't kill her. But she is still stuck in Shruima, and Renekton and Xerath just came bursting out of the Tomb in front of her. Azir is back from the dead. Sivir is also back from the dead, and still salty about that time Cass murdered her. All of Cassiopeia's men are dead. The desert is crawling with Xer'Sai, Kmiros, and who knows what else. It's hundreds of miles back home to the Immortal Bastion, and Cass has no food, water, or legs. Anyone she meets is going to run screaming, or try to kill her. So how did Cass complete this journey?

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Here are my theories. Feel free to disagree and shoot them down. How did Cass survive the curse? I belive the curse was supposed to kill her, and transform her into a new Tomb guardian. That is, another giant snake statue. However, the Tomb is opened, and Xerath emerges. He sees the mutilated, half-transformed body of Cassiopeia, dying from the acid and venom the Guardian has inflicted. Xerath deduces that is was her that freed her, and sees the potential for an ally. While Renekton goes charging off into the desert, Xerath uses his magic to save Cass, halting her transformation, and inadvertently giving her magical abilities. By the time Azir and Sivir have awakened, Cass and Xerath have left. Thus, Cass spends some time as a servant of Xerath.

How did she get out of Shurima? Enter General du Couteau, the coolest non-champ in the lore, and the father of Cassiopeia. After Cass has been missing for months, he travels through Shurima to find her. Maybe Kat and Talon help, but that's not really important. Eventually he finds her, and Cass escapes from Xerath to return home. Du Couteau would naturally want to keep her transformation a secret, and would look for some way to return his daughter to a human state. This is what leads to his involvement with the Black Rose, and his eventual disappearance. I know this an old-lore subplot, but I really hope it stays, because it has some great potential.

Does Cassiopeia have hair? No. She's bald.

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Thanks for reading. I'm most interested in hearing what my fellow lore-hounds think.