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Short Story (The Essence of Existence)

Testlolla·9/14/2017, 1:52:44 PM·1 votes·856 views

"Where are you?"

She run across the woods, searching for that thing, or man, or creature...

"you are asking the wrong question. Ha, Funny there is the concept of "where", in...hmm, of....hmm, in/of your kind's mind."

The little girl stop, shocked, her face when paled and her eye's open wide. That voice, it seems to comes from all direction, it even occur in her brain, as if it was her own thought.

"Are you...are you...inside me?" The little girl ask.

"Wrong question." The voice occurs again.

"what are you?"

"well, dear, the language of your kinds stranded your mind, words have too much limitation, you won't understand my existence."

"But I saw you with my own eyes!" That's the most beautiful thing she ever saw in her life.

"you didn't see me, you see what you think I looks like." The voice occurs.

"Just come out, wherever you are, so I can see" The little girl gets excited.

"So be it then"

A sphere appear in front of her, with a mystery colour that the girl can't describe. The sphere seems to be there, but it feels so hollow that it feels like a sphere make out of air. The little girl's sight get caught on to the middle of the sphere, it seems so plain, but so full with things at the same time. The sphere started spinning, she knows it but she have no idea which direction it was spinning, the surface turn in while the inside turns out, she opens her eyes try to stare at it as hard as she could, but she can't see how it happened. The sphere spinning faster and faster, suddenly, the middle of the sphere started changing. The girl's minds seems to be absorb into the middle of the sphere, inside it, she saw the beginning of a whole universe and a sudden death of another, more and more universe appear and doom in a flash, so many and so quickly. Those universe seemed small, but the little girl got a feeling that they are actually as big as her universe. She started to feel sad, that so many life just die in a flash.

"why do they die so fast, can't you make them gone slower?"

"Haha, time, that's another interesting concept your kinds, time, haha,hahaha."

"Answer me!"

"There is no slow or fast in time, it all depends on how much experience one when through, that's why "time" goes so "fast" when you are sleep. Those universe die in a flash in your eyes, but they actually been through a lot more than you think, it's as much as your universe gonna gone through."

"My universe will die too?"

"Everything will die, but your kinds just don't realised, death and born means the same thing, just like creation and destruction..."

The sphere is gone, not only from the little girl's eyes, but also from the little girl's mind. But before she fated, she asked

"Why don't you stay?"

"I am a form that your kind can't understand, in your kinds eyes I have infinity amount of different form, if I stay in one form I am denying all other form that people see me. So to truly stay, I have to leaved. Before I go, let me give you a gift, so you will know, at last, what it mean by life."

The girl fated, and the sphere disappear. A moment later the girl slowly be surrounded by a beautiful white flash, and when she wakes up, she become the god of the death, which later split herself into two and been remember by people in the name of -------- KindredKindred .

4 Comments

WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOO9/14/2017, 2:16:53 PM1 votes

The spelling and grammatical errors hurt to read

Matasuntha9/28/2017, 8:37:27 PM1 votes

This is a wonderful idea for the origin of Kindred. What I like about the story is its metaphysical nature - how it plays around with abstract concepts like identity, time, and existence. For some reason, it reminds me of both Kafka and Lovecraft - I'd highly recommend you read them if you haven't- at the same time.

My primary gripe, however, is with the spelling and grammar. It really degrades the quality of what could have been an exemplary work of fiction. I understand that English is not your first language - it isn't mine either c:- and how difficult it can be for people who speak multiple tongues to write a story in English. That being said, I think you should still try and work towards changing that by reading more works by English authors, practicing your writing, and contacting someone who might be willing to review and edit your works for grammatical errors. You should not see speaking multiple languages as a hindrance - for it allows you access to arranging words in a manner that a mind that only speaks one could not if you but try harder.

In conclusion, I'd say your writing shows great promise if you work at it c:

Lightwellian10/1/2017, 2:09:57 AM1 votes

I believe this story definitely has potential. Leaving aside the spelling and grammar, I believe it could work fairly well with just a few adjustments.

1.) Kindred's origins are given a basic explanation when they're waiting to respawn.

Wolf: "Lamb, tell me a story." Lamb: "There was once a pale man with dark hair who was very lonely." Wolf: "Why was it lonely?" Lamb: "All things must meet this man, so they shunned him." Wolf: "Did he chase them all?" Lamb: "He took an axe and split himself in two right down the middle." Wolf: "So he would always have a friend?" Lamb: "So he would always have a friend."

2.) The nature of the Kindred isn't something on such a grand scale as the death of all things. They are a reflection of the Runeterran understanding of mortal, physical death. It is the general understanding that all living things die, despite all of their efforts to save themselves. It places emphasis on the distinction between those who surrender and those who run, and what their lives were like up to that point. Moreover, it stresses that they represent an ultimate end for living beings. A total inevitability.

3.) The reveal that this refers to Kindred is very sudden and off-putting. Kindred is generally understood to be both a legend and a natural force. Having it stem from a human would be entirely confusing. If you wish to write a story about Kindred, it'd be best to maintain their metaphor. One is a reflection of the serenity of a calm death. The other is a reflection of its apparent cruelty. This limits their ability to be used literally or for things beyond their general scope.

4.) It's difficult to understand just what the creature Kindred supposedly spoke with was. Was it meant to refer to the greater concept of total entropy? Was it just a mysterious thing from beyond? Are the Kindred Spirits aware of this meeting?

There are ways to expand and improve on the topic of the Kindred. Try to see what happens if you place the Kindred Spirits in a setting of conceptual death, where even death itself may die. It'd be a challenge, but I'd love to see the way one could answer that question with our mutually-understood metaphor.