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[Champion Concept] Odette, the Swan Princess

SSmotzer·10/7/2019, 12:40:54 PM·5 votes·3,638 views

A princess from a large royal family of a hidden kingdom, Odette was the odd duck of the family. With her youngest and eldest sister warring for the throne through direct conflict, Odette tried to win through beauty. While her grace was unparalleled and her dances and demeanor enchanting, she failed to get any closer to the throne.

One day when privately practicing her elemental majesty in the royal waterways, a voice called to Odette from the water itself. It promised her a throne and inhuman beauty and grace. She eagerly accepted and was swiftly swallowed by the water.

After what felt like a surreal and vivid dream, Odette awoke in a strange swamp she had never seen before, sitting on a throne of dirt and wood. She trembled as she tried to get to her feet, her body feeling foreign to her. She collapsed near a pool of water, she began splashing herself in an attempt to wake from this nightmare. When she stopped and gazed into the water, a feathered Vastyan face looked back up at her.

https://www.artmajeur.com/medias/standard/i/n/innaartist/artwork/11287007_img-67611.jpg https://www.artmajeur.com/en/innaartist/artworks/11287007/black-swan

Ranged Control

Passive - Feral Fowl: After 3 basic attacks Odette will gain a stack of Feral, increasing her armor penetration, but increasing the damage dealt to her. The increased damage is dealt to her over time as a bleed.

Q - Aquatic Assault - Passive: Odette gains bonus attack speed while in water, and convert her physical damage to mixed damage.

  • Drink Deep - Active: Odette creates a small pool around her, which lasts for a few seconds. Odette cleanses herself of debuffs, including ignoring the taking increased damage from Feral and removing it's bleed.

W - Royal Wrath: Odette fluffs out her plumage after a brief delay, increasing her size and causing all enemies around her to flee as she screams out. For a few seconds after Odette takes reduced damage from the front and is immune to crowed control effects as she channels, all stacks of Feral will be consumed, increasing the damage resistance for every stack consumed, and stopping the bleed. While channeling Odette is slowed and has a turning speed, which is increased by movement speed. Recasting this ability will end the channel early.

E - Avian Avarice - Passive: Odette's basic attacks against an enemy minion will mark it as Claimed for a few seconds. Any minion Claimed by Odette will instead reward Odette with gold when it is killed.

  • Swan Dive - Active: Odette flies up and dive on a target location. If Odette hits an enemy champion, she will attach herself to and deal physical damage to the closest enemy champion for a second, disarming and silencing the enemy as she damages them. If Odette is attacked while on an enemy champion, she will be knocked off, slowing her briefly. If Odette finishes her attack she will bounce off the enemy champion. If that enemy champion has a weapon, she will steal it, causing Odette to be slowed and both her and the enemy champion to be disarmed and silenced, so long as their abilities rely on their weapon, for a few seconds. If the disarmed enemy champion touches Odette, the disarm ends immediately. After a few seconds or if she is attacked or targeted by a damaging spell Odette will drop the weapon, which will bounce back to the enemy champion.

R - The Swan's Dance: Odette slows, disarms, and silences herself as a spotlight falls on her and she begins to dance for several seconds. All enemies around Odette becomes charmed and rooted as they are stunned by her performance. Large enemy champions charmed to Odette will block the enemies behind them from view. If Odette moves out of range of an enemy they will be charmed and follow her, until they are rooted again. Enemies too close to Odette will be pushed out of the way. If Odette's allies disrupt Odette's performance by walking into the spotlight, Odette will fear her ally and gain bonus attack speed and damage for a few seconds, causing the charm to end.

4 Comments

SPYDER70110/8/2019, 9:54:50 PM1 votes

Maybe add some damage abilities. I might be reading this wrong, but it seems like there isn't an ability that causes damage.

Eternal Torment10/10/2019, 6:34:56 AM1 votes

Not a convincing kit for a Swan princess. This looks more like what you would expect from a queen of Vultures in terms fo effects and wording. Or, for the sake of humoring a comparison, like a Goose Princess.

I will segment this entire reply into 2 parts, the Criticism and the Suggestions of Improvement, so be sure to read at least the entire part of one of the two:

#THE CRITICISM:

Swans and the people who associate with them are generally very graceful and overly fashionable with their spells. And not rarely are they in connection to the Swan Lake's Andante - composed by Tschaikovsky - as well.

Your champions is too focused on Effect rather than Appearance to really be conveyed as a Swan. The Kit is loaded with efficiency rather than Flashyness, and while Efficiency in itself is always a good thing, it certainly misses the point of the thematic aspects.

Her Abilities in itself are an utter clusterfuck of random CC being spammed ontop of itself. You Charm AND Root? Why not simply make it a Stun? The entire intention of a Charm is to be a reverse fear, the enemy champion is meant to come closer to you. If they can't move while being fully disabled then yeah, that's a stun. Then the wording is catastrophic. Where is Water for her Q? Is it inside a Nami R? is it Kog Maw's cleaned Spit? You obviously do mean the river, but then name it River, and not Water. Imagine I called the whole planet of Earth "Rough Rock". Yeah, i'd get plenty of confused looks my way.

And let's not even begin about her basically having every single known form of CC except of any champion-specific Abilities like Polymorth. She has a Stun, a Charm, a Fear, a Root, some Slows, TWO Displacements, both a push and a pull.

And her only damaging Ability does Physical damage? Insanely unfitting.

Last but not least, your Champion hardly comes over as a Swan princess based on the Ability Names.

  • Swans are not really Feral, nor are they Fowls. Fowls are a kind of Bird that, by appearance, comes down as a Cockatrice-lookalike.

  • Swans generally do not assault, they are not offensive animals by nature. They are however easily provoked and ridiculously territorial with their nests.

  • Again, wrath is not something Swans do. Wrath, if we already wanna address the idea of a Bird holding revenge, would fit to crows, because those have actually been proven to hold grudges.

  • Avian is too general to overall associate it, and Avarice is once again something you'd rather associate a crow with. You do know that Avarice means extreme material greed, right? So Avian Avarice basically synonyms to "Greedy bird" which, yeah, definetly a crow.

  • R is pretty much the only thing I can properly relate to the champion's thematic idea in terms of naming the Abilities.

#SUGGESTIONS OF IMPROVEMENT:

Your Champion is, nicely said, an absolute clusterfuck of identities. I would recommend you first really, and I mean REALLY narrow down what your champion is supposed to be Identity-wise. Your Title says Swan princess, so do the research on Swans and their typically fantasy-interpretations of Swan Magicians, you are free to take some basics on the models from existing content and reshape it minimally to suit your Purposes.

Then, I would say you make your kit clear in it's intentions and terminate all self-contradictions. Again, Rooting someone charmed is just fancy wording for "Stun."

Three: Your abilities should have connections to each others. Something either by identity or by internal synergy. Your Abilities all stand out as solo-skills that have no connections to each others. Perfect example is her passive. She increases damage dealt and taken, but basically only has 1 damaging Ability out of 5, so that effect is in it's entirety wasted and just serves as a pseudo-bait to focus her down since increased damage taken = easier kill. The pure amount of hard CC she has forces her to play very telegraphed and delayed because you want to wait for one CC effect to be close to over when you put the next ontop for maximum duration, and having to do that more than once creates a MASSIVE Window of Opportunity for your enemies to intercept you in that time and kill you, effectively rendering your combo both minimally effective and prematurely finished, which no champion in the entire game suffers so far, not even Maokai.

I am very, VERY against suggesting to terminate a champion kit. Believe me, I argue this case with Djinn and Echoing on the C&C Discord server with EVERY SINGLE ONE of my own kits, not an easy task to do considering Djinn is a herald and could open up an entire Depot of Whoop-Ass on me if he wanted to. BUT this one is entirely a lost cause because it's literally every Ability going it's own path and not one having any connections to the thematic of the champion.

Every Ability branches off but has no tree to connect them to the same roots, to metaphorically summarize it. You need to first create the roots for your champion, then you need to grow the tree, it's basis and identity, and THEN you can grow the branches, the Abilities and effects. You effectively did it the other way around and skipped the Tree entirely.

You are creative, that credit I can give it to you. However, creativity without clearance is, for lack of better words, unnecessary chaos. This kit is simply chaotic in everything. You MIGHT be able to restore the champion's Identity, but then you will have to scrap every single Ability and come up with something new to fit the identity. A Swan Princess would be something new and interesting Lore-wise, so I do hope you find your means to make it properly work.