The Juggernaut Club: Part 11

The Juggernaut Club members walk onto entrances of the Shadow Isles, now that the flotsam they had been holding came in contact with the shore. They look around at the gloomy area. Mordekaiser takes in a deep breath.

: Ah, smell that wonderful musty and dead air of my home sweet home! I never did get a chance to ask you about building a clubhouse here, did I, Dictator-for-life?

: I figured two of them was enough, so I probably wouldn't have entertained the idea even if you did.

Draven is shivering with fear.

: B-Bro, c-can't we leave this nasty place? Draven's feeling rather... uncomfortable.

Darius's eyes dim in disappointment.

: This coming from the person whose big mouth GOT us here in the first place.

Yorick steps forward, puffing out his chest.

: Not to worry, everyone! I know this place like the back of my shovel!

They start to step forward, but suddenly, red spikes shoot out of the ground, though everyone avoids them. A disembodied voice starts to speak.

: Ooh... new victims to play with~

: Bro, BRO! WHERE'S THAT VOICE COMING FROM!?

: It's just Evelynn, you idiot.

: I can taste your fear, and it's delicious!

The members of the club are unfazed, but Draven is practically freaking out.

: IF IT'S FEAR YOU WANT, DRAVEN'S GOT THE MARKET CORNERED!

Darius slaps Draven across the face.

: Shut up! It's time to let the ADULT of the "Blood Brothers" HANDLE the situation.

: But Dictator, this IS the Shadow Isles; it's dangerous, even for us!

Mordekaiser and Yorick clear their throats.

: Hello!? Two of the permanent residents here are MEMBERS OF THE CLUB!

: This is a good chance for us to give you a tour, and maybe then we can build a clubhouse here!

and : Follow us!

With Morde and Yorick leading the way, the Juggernaut Club walks into the mists of the Isles.

In Bilgewater, Jhin and Gangplank have finally set out. Through the means of tying explosive barrels to their backs, Gangplank has forced Miss Fortune, Graves and Twisted Fate to act as the shipmates helping him.

: (Talking to himself): I'm most FOURtunate that he was able to muscle them into helping him with the ship's dealings. His own crew were so blithering drunk from his victory party in that bar that they couldn't last hit a minion if it offered itself to them.

The ship suddenly stops. Jhin steps out of the "Guest Chambers".

: (Trying to sound gruff like Darius): What have we stopped for... um... you... weaklings!?

: That!

Gangplank points, and Jhin looks. In their path, sits a gigantic Deep Terror Nami, smiling evilly.

: Going somewhere in MY ocean? I don't think so!

She prepares to unleash a Tidal Wave to capsize the boat, but suddenly, a huge anchor shoots out of the water, smacking her in the face.

: OW!

Emerging slowly from the waters, an equally gigantic Nautilus rises.

: You're in the deep end now, Nami!

Nami's eyes dim in a deadpan fashion.

: Really?

: Right!

He pulls back his anchor and smacks her across the face with it.

: OK, NOW I'M ANGRY!

She tackles Nautilus, and both of them splash into the sea, sending waves that send the ship careening in the direction of Ionia. The two giants continue to battle as the crew watches from behind.

: Darn. Looked like it was just startin' to get interestin'.

: Maybe when we come back, they'll still be going at it.

: Meh, I'm just gonna stay in Ionia, could use the vacation.

In Ionia, Akali and Kennen are sitting in their ninja hideout. Akali is shaking with giddy excitement.

: So, did you hear the news?

: What?

: Shen's finally agreed to kill Zed!

: WHAT!? REALLY!?

Akali excitedly nods.

: Yes! He's finally realized that he's NOT his father and can't keep everything all equal and unbiased. So we're gonna kill Zed to keep him from letting the Shadows grow too strong!

Kennen pumps his fists.

: ALRIGHT! Shen's finally come to his senses!

: But I hear that some other guy is trying to cause trouble too.

: What? Who? Aside from Syndra and Jhin, what else can there be?

: His name is.... Kahn.

Akali shakes her head.

: No, No! I mean... Kayn.

: What's he trying to do?

: He-

Her words are cut off when they hear a bird squawking. They turn and see Beatrice sitting there on the desk. The bird squawks again, and a magical field begins projecting an image.

: Uhh, is that bird calling for the Ninja business, or the Doctor business?

: It's the Doctor side of it. Hang on.

Akali walks up and looks at the "broadcasting magic".

: Hello, you've reached the offices of Doctor Shen and Co.

Swain appears.

: Ah, yes. This is Grand General Swain of Noxus. We have a-

Akali's eyes widen, and she angrily smacks Beatrice, who squawks in protest before righting itself back up straight.

The bird tries "broadcasting" again. Shen's voice is heard coming from down a hallway.

: Akali? Who was that?

: You DON'T want to know.

: Well, sounds like they might be calling back!

: Let it go to the answering machine!

Akali walks off in a huff, and Kennen follows her. A hacked robot from Piltover acts as the "answering machine".

Answering Machine: This is the dual-business of Shen and Co. We are unable to answer due to the fact that we're too busy being Ninjas. If you wish to talk to one of our Ninja-Representatives, press 1. If you are here regarding medical assistance, press 2. If you are a deranged, no-good stupid Noxian, please hang up and DON'T CALL BACK! Beep

Swain appears again.

: OK, first of all, DON'T HANG UP on me. This is Grand General Swain of Noxus. We have a patient in need of your medical assistance.

In the background, Vladimir is heard.

: YOU BETTER NOT BE CALLING THOSE IONIAN DOCTORS, I HAVE KATARINA'S SITUATION WELL IN HAND, THANK YOU!

Shen comes down the hall from his office, and stands in front of the "broadcast" with his hands on his hips.

: What do you want, you invading jerkface?

: Is this Shen? Oh, excellent. Hey, um... Sion went on one of his "rampages" again and Katarina was on the receiving end of it. We need someone with ACTUAL medical expertise to come and take a look at her.

: You mean a House Call?

: Yes, that’s exactly it!

: NO.

Swain puts up his hands to try and bargain.

: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! WE'LL PAY HANDSOMELY-

Shen grabs Beatrice and throws her out the window..

In Noxus, Swain is sitting in a hospital hallway, shaking his head angrily.

: OK, let's try again!

However, before he can, Cassiopeia approaches him.

: SSswain! What'sssss happened to my dear ssssisssster?

Swain groans.

: We BOTH know that lisp is fake, Cass. Knock it off. Anyway, she's in here.

Swain takes Cass inside a room, where Katarina is in a full-body cast, like Xin.

: OH, MY SSSISSSTER, WHAT'SSSS HAPPENED TO YOU!?

Vlad leans over to Swain.

(Whispering): This is the half-snake, half-woman who was ecstatic when you told her she was free to turn her sister to stone if she tried to leave the family estate without YOUR permission. (Normal tone) Knock off the lisp, Cass, it's fake!

Cassiopeia sighs.

: OK, fine, you're right. I DON'T have to extend my S's. But what happened to sis?

: Sion happened.

: Come to think of it, where IS Sion?

: In his monument, having a "Time-Out".

Inside the Juggernaut Clubhouse, Sion is sitting in the corner, frowning with his arms folded. He then spontaneously yells.

: Well you know what I think, Swain!? Darkwill was TWICE the Grand General you'll ever be! So there!

To Be Continued...