The Juggernaut Club: Part 28

Having gotten directions from Ashe and the lethargic Tryndamere, the Club is well on their way to Ornn's place. But they've come across an obstacle.

A huge wall of Ice blocks the path leading up the mountain to where Ornn's cavern forge is located! Trundle steps forward.

: Alright, Anivia, Lissandra, whichever of ya it is, come on out!

Upon him saying that, a roughly female-looking figure made of ice forms atop the blockade. It's Lissandra!

She laughs as she looks at the gathered Juggernauts. She then fires a shard of ice, which splinters and lands all around Trundle, singling him out.

: Finally come crawling back to me, have you, you dimwitted dolt? All the rest of you, away! I would have words with this "associate" of mine.

Trundle gestures to her in the view of the other Club members.

: She gave me this cudgel of mine, thinking she'd won my allegiance or something like that. My only allegiance is to myself. And this Club, of course.

Others: Oh...

: Silence! Now answer me, Troll. Have you come to finally give me your aid?

Trundle then turns and faces Lissanda.

: Lizzy, what's new? You taken over the Freljord yet?

: YOU WILL CALL ME BY MY PROPER NAME!

: Huh? Oh!

He smiles mischievously.

: You mean... your FULL NAME. Gotcha. Have it your way, Lissandra Angelica-

Lissandra hurriedly fires another shard of ice, forcing Trundle to dodge and stop speaking.

: Not THAT name, you buffoon! I mean my TITLE!

Trundle shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head in exasperation.

: Listen, Lizzy, I got news for ya. You see these fellas?

: Yes, are they the "army" you promised me? Because it isn't much of one if it is.

: No, they're kinda my new crew now. We call ourselves the Juggernaut Club, see?

: Juggernaut...Club?

Trundle turns back to the other club members, and then points at Lissandra, still exasperated.

: Now, see, see? THIS is what happens when you sleep in a chunk of Ice all the time! You miss ALL the important technological and societal developments of the day. Maybe if you'd actually come OUT of that cave of yours and stop whispering about "The Watchers Returning" and what-not, which drove me crazy and that's kind of WHY I left, by the way, you'd KNOW these things! Wanna know something else?

: What?

: I've got an official title in the Club! I'm the"Head-General of Concussions and Idiot-Shut-Uppery" now!

: ...What?

: And he's been doing a FANTASTIC job of it, if you don't mind me getting in a few words!

: Concussions? Idiot... Shut... Uppery? What in the name of the Watchers is Shut-Uppery?

Volibear chooses to speak up, grabbing Draven and pulling him into view.

: We can give you a trial run of what he does, if that will help you understand! We even have our own Club Idiot to use as an example!

: Draven is the Club WHAT!?

: Since when has DRAVEN been part of this Club!?

Volibear shrugs his shoulders.

: I dunno. I just figured since he's been stuck with us so long, he's basically part of the Club.

Darius angrily shakes his head No.

: I STRONGLY DISAGREE WITH THAT ASSESSMENT!

: Psh, Dictator's right! With all the trouble he's caused us, AND the detouring, he's lucky we haven't beaten his brains in by now!

: I came pretty close to it! When I smashed his face with my Idol back in Bilgewater and gave him a broken nose!

: Still, the idea of using his as an example for the lady here...

Everyone looks with evil smiles at Draven. But Trundle comes between them.

: Hey, hey now. As much as I'D LOVE to beat up the Dictator's brother as much as everyone else, that would KIND OF undermine the travels we've done.

The other members sigh.

Everyone else: Fair enough.

Trundle then turns back to Lissandra.

: So anyway, Lizzy, we KIND of need to get through here, so if you'd be so kind...

: NEVER! YOU'VE BETRAYED ME JUST LIKE AVAROSA DID, AND YOU'LL DIE LIKE HER TOO!

: Newbie, melt her, would you?

: Sure thing, Dictator!

Shyvana fires her E, melting with ease the Ice Wall Lissandra had made. As she comes down to ground-level with everyone else, she is in shock.

: H-How can a simple fireball melt MY ice?

Trundle walks up to her, gleefully readying his club.

: Dunno, Lizzy. Maybe it's because she's a dragon!

: Minor Correction. HALF-DRAGON.

: Ehh, Tomato Tomahto!

He then bashes Lissandra over the head, and she falls over, out cold. The Club members walk past, towards Ornn's cave.

: By the way, Trundle, what IS Lissandra's full name?

: Yeah, we heard you trying to say it there before.

Too curious to help themselves, everyone keeps asking him what her full name is.

: OK, OK! I'll tell ya. He snickers Just... try not to die laughing.

He takes in a deep breath.

: Lissandra's full name is... Lissanda Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fo Fanna Bo Besca the Third. The Watchers gave it to her. Said it was a great honor.

He lets out the deep breath.

A moment of silence ensues. The members of the Club then burst out in laughter as they walk along.

They then approach the entrance to Ornn's cave. Volibear steps up to the front.

: Well, since I'm the one this guy sounds like he has the beef with, I'll go in first. Sound good?

Everyone else nods yes. Volibear steps inside the cave, followed by the others.

They go down a ways, towards an area where there appears to be light. They go around a corner, where standing over a forge, is Ornn.

: Hey, uh... is this the residence of Ornn?

: Brother? Is that you?

: Brother?

Ornn turns, and smiles when he sees Volibear.

: BRO!

Ornn runs up and hugs Volibear with a bear hug.

: GLUCK!

: I've been practicing by bear hugs so I could properly greet ya!

He lets the now gasping for air Volibear go, and starts prattling on and on about how he forged countless dummies to test it on, and gestures to an area of the cave where a number of crumbled dummies crudely shaped in Volibear's image lay on the ground.

: B-Bro? W-What the heck is he talking about? And why won't he shut up?

: I don't-

: ORNN!

Everyone turns back to the entrance, where Sejuani is seen, sitting on her boar.

: HAVE YOU CONSIDERED MY OFFER!?

: Not you again.

His happy mood now ruined, Ornn looks more like his usual grumpy self when he turns to Sejuani and stares at her dryly.

: HAVE YOU FORGED THE WEAPONS FOR MY BLOODTHIRSTY LEGIONS!?

: No. No money, no work.

He folds his arms and turns away from her.

: I TOLD YOU, BEING ALLOWED TO LIVE THROUGH OUR CULLING IS PAYMENT ENOUGH!

: Not really. Even Demi-Gods have to eat, and money is what buys food!

: RRGGHHH! YOU FOOL!

She then looks at the Juggernaut Club members.

: AND WHAT ARE YOU FOOLS DOING HERE- OLAF!

: Huh?

: TAKE THEIR WEAPONS! WE WILL USE THEM IN OUR CULLING!

: What? Weapons? Oh, Okay.

He unceremoniously comes up to each member of the club and snatches their weapons out of their grasps.

: Hey! My axe!

: Wha- My shovel!

: What are you doing with my mace!?

: Sacrilege! You have taken the idol!

: Oh no you don't! Ol' Boneshiver's staying right where it belongs- Hey!

: Olaf!? What the crap are you doing!?

: Sorry, in the contract!

Others: What contract!?

Olaf drops the items at Sejuani's feet, and then turns back to them. He rubs a hand on the back of his head in embarrassment.

: Well, you see... I kind of ran with her before I joined the club, and... we did a sort of... quid-pro-quo, and well, you get the idea, right?

: Umm, No, I don't, because I never knew about this before!

Others: Nor we!

As Sejuani picks up the weapons and puts them in a pouch on the side of her boar with Olaf refocusing on her to help, Darius sighs.

: Alright, I'm coming clean.

Everyone: Huh?

: Hey Olaf!

Olaf turns back towards the group.

: Yes?

: Remember back on the Shadow Isles, when we were in Thresh's Ice Cream place?

: Uh-huh?

: Remember how we all got shivers up and down our spine, telling us a new Juggernaut was coming?

: Yeah?

: Well... you might have thought I wasn't paying attention, but I saw something you didn't want me to see~

: Uh-oh...

Olaf's realized what Darius is talking about.

Darius points an accusatory finger at Olaf.

: YOU didn't shiver like the rest of us~ And you know what THAT means...

Everyone else gasps.

Other club members: HE'S LOST THE KNACK!

: Correct! And, as much as I dislike acknowledging it, our former Chief-of-Staff did make ONE good rule suggestion during his tenure! All members that lose the "Knack" are to be expelled from the club, no questions asked! All in favor?

The club members raise their hands.

Club members: Aye!

Darius claps his hands.

: Motion passed! Olaf is now officially kicked out of the Juggernaut Club! And, since he's no longer a member, he's free game! GET HIM!

Olaf whimpers in fear, and the club members dog-pile Olaf, and start pounding the crap out of him with their bare hands. As they pound him, Sejuani tries to sneak off with their weapons. Ornn steps in front of the exit to the cave.

: Going somewhere? Try to rob MY brother and his pals blind, will ya?

Sejuani laughs nervously.

To Be Continued...