Funny champion concept - Dee'Dee : The Sumptuous Extorter

This isn't meant to be a serious champion concept but rather an entertaining read. With its physical description, lore and abilities. I hope you'll enjoy it. If you notice any grammar / spelling mistakes / awkward phrasing, be sure to tell me, as the silly baguette eater I am would gladly improve his english speaking skills.

Dee’Dee : The Sumptuous Extorter

‘“These hoes ain’t worth payin”’

Physical Description : Dee’Dee is a 190 cm tall snake-hipped black man with green eyes and a mouthy persona. His wardrobe solely consists of the most opulent wares : pink scarves from the feathers of orphaned raptor broods, scuttlecrab leather shoes and blue essence earrings. In the Summoner’s rift, he appears with his signature pink scar, a nashor purple top hat with sewn copper goggles and an antique scalelike cloak over a V neck ivory silk shirt. He fights with his feared hextech arm extending device : the Pimpo-9000, never wandering Zaun’s crime-ridden territories without his trusted encrusted staff : made from the genitalia of a now resentful walking tree.

Lore : Before he became a fancy-man and opened his first brothel, Dee’Dee went by the name of Armond Toutant. In Zaun’s suburbs lived an honest paper delivering boy, reared only by his weary mother. She’d caught the consumption and hadn’t many days left. Armond needed her, and for that, he needed coin. He was sated with his job, yet he knew enough dough wouldn’t ever come from it. He had to make a choice. One fateful night, he went to see a pack of cut-throats lurking alongside a gambling house. He made a deal. He was to drive a truck packed with hextech gear through the city without raising eyebrows. Just the regular paper boy doing his job. As he headed toward the customs before the wealthiest part of town, he showed his papers to the sentry as he did every morning. But this day was no other day. Caitlyn had just released her new calendar and the keeper wanted a piece for himself, a look before anyone else. The boy argued with all his wits, unsuccessfully. The guard would open his truck’s doors were he not to think quickly. As he felt sweat running across his face, his thoughts dropped . He rode off. As he went back near to the casino, the thugs were displeased. “We had a deal.” -they said. “I can try again tomorrow.” -said Armond, “I can even deliver outside the city. Just give me another chance.” -he pleaded as unease was starting to settle in. “That’s not how it works around here kid” The roughs jumped him. Throwing him to one another as their strikes landed. He could feel his bones crack, his mind fading as the thugs were pummeling him. They kept beating until he was knocked to the ground and threw his limp body in a dark alley. The boy breathed scarcely, one of his lung had been pierced by a rib. He weeped softly. In this dead end, he could only smell filth, blood and mold. He’d feel his life flowing out of him. He knew it. It was his end. Her end. It had been all for nothing. He closed his eyes. “They did some fine work on you. You’ve been beaten to a pulp. You’re dyin’” -he heard as a faint presence was leaning towards him. The boy did not answer back. “Don’t you want to make them pay ? Don’t you want to live ?” The boy nodded painfully as tears were shed from his eyes. “Good. I knew we’d come to an agreement. Say it. What do you want ?” The boy rose his head slightly, trying to move his lips, consuming his last strength as he uttered his wish. “Bitches.” The boy said.

Friends : Twitch : Cheese and mold buddies

Ennemies : Maokai Caitlyn

AND NOW HERE’S HIS KIT :

Dee’Dee is a melee champion that uses his cane to strike his foes and his Hextech arm to slap them. Through his contacts and workers, Dee’Dee gains strength on the Summoner’s Rift.

Passive : They be needin’ a fee : As Zaun’s biggest pimp, Dee’Dee is always in need of workers. Whenever Dee’Dee gets a kill or an assist onto an enemy, he takes a quarter of their total gold and gives them the effect “worker” Whenever a worker is near Dee’Dee, enemies around him (600 units) are slowed by 5/10/15/20/25% and take 5/10/15/20/25% more damage from his abilities. Killing Dee’Dee or getting an assist on him rids you of the “worker” effect.

Q : Crisp ‘n’ Pink : CD : 14/13/12/11/10 Cost : 70/80/90/100/110 Dee’Dee takes out his scarf and launches it, hitting all units in a cone for 80/120/160/200/240 (350 units) (1.2 Bonus AD) physical damage. The scarf latches onto the first enemy champion for 4 seconds. Dee’Dee uses his Pimpo-9000 to shock them for 100/200/300/400/500 (0.6 AP) throughout the duration.

W : Just sign already : CD : 30 Cost : 8/12/14/18/22 per sec Dee’Dee signs a contract with an ally within 300 units. As long as they are within 1000/2000/3000/4000/5000 units from each other, they mutually gain 5% of each other’s gold. If Just sign already is used on an enemy champion, they are feared for 0.25/0.5/0.75/1/1.25 sec, doubled is they are under the “worker” effect

E : You betta’ be comin’ : CD : 20/18/16/14/12 cost : who cares Dee’Dee extends his Pimpo-9000 arm (700 units) dealing 80/120/160/200/240 (0.6 AP) damage. It it latches onto terrain or an enemy, Dee’Dee dashes onto it/them.

R : You Damn Hoe : CD: 160/120/90 cost : 100 Dee’Dee channels all his pimpness during 2 seconds. Marking an enemy champion as a “damn hoe” (700 units) and throws his staff at them : dealing 50/75/100 physical damage (4 AD) Stunning them for the remainder of the ability. Dee’Dee then bitch slaps the target for 150/250/300 (1.2 AP) magic damage, knocking them against the nearest wall with any enemy champion in a 100 unit radius