A lore for a champion (suggestions and tips wanted!)

Troutking·2/18/2015, 8:33:23 AM·1 votes·414 views

Hello, I am Troutking, while some of you may know me while others do not. It doesn't really matter, I would like to get some help with a little problem I have. Usually, I am pretty good at the writing lore and quotes stuff. However, this time around I would like some feedback on a certain piece of lore before I continue with the concept as a whole. Thus, with the link provided below, I would be grateful to anyone that can help me make this lore more readable/presentable. I thank you for your time and consideration.

The Lore for Keira, Heir to the Reaper

4 Comments

Basaren2/18/2015, 10:36:00 AM1 votes

Overall not too bad but it needs fixing it was fine up until the whole 2nd harrowing thing, you talked about the second harrowing and that's cool but you literally just said and then the 3rd harrowing came and finally the fourth, it really jumped there with no explanation in between whereas you explained events from the first 2 harrowings, second issue is right after that you randomly jumped into something called the battle of serpent and a bunch of random things you had never mentioned before. You can not do that in things by jumping like that to another part of the story with no explanation of that part of the story its like reading page 1 of a book then flipping to page 200 and continuing to read from there with no clue what the hell is going on. other than that good concept but maybe give some abilites and a general champ concept with it.

Troutking2/20/2015, 9:31:26 AM1 votes

Revamped the second half of the lore hopefully, it's much better than the original. Plan to add abilities and descriptions.