A Corporate Matter: Episode 25:
"Well, it would appear we have to delay my tour of this facility."
"And, why would that be?"
"The rest of the Gentlemen have decided that, the island town of Bilgewater is poorly represented by us. So they are sending everyone over there to help with sponsoring."
"You mean i have to go all the way over there? In that stinky rat infested thieves den. No thank you."
"Yeah, you know that contract that prevents them from firing you. Well if you don't go, you violate it and you will lose your job."
"Ok, so when do we depart?"
"Soon, we are taking Gangplank's Wondrous Boat Ride to get there. Also, you have to make all the Bilgewater champions free for a while."
"I hate being told who to make free, but fine. I am not making Tahm Kench free though, i hate that guy."
"You have to, but only for one week, unlike the rest."
Later, in Gangplank's Wondrous Boat Ride:
"Is that a tunnel, I HATE TUNNELS."
"FASTER, FASTER."
"Boy, what a great story this will make."
"GANGPLANK, THIS ISN'T FUNNY, YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY SEE WHERE YOU ARE GOING."
"You're right matey, i can't."
"..."
"Yes, its strange charli- i mean, Sona. But its fun."
"TELL THAT LITTLE GUY TO TURN US AROUND, I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK."
"Little? i will have you know that the term is vertically challenged. Pay no mind to him fizz."
"Fizzy wizzy, dippa dee doo."
"Aww, now you gone and hurt his feelings. Do that again and i will have to call Nautilus on you. And i will have you know, he is not vertically challenged."
"Now i am gonna be sick."
♫There's no way of knowing, which way we are going.♫
"Ha, now he's singing. WHY ARE YOU SINGING?"
♫Yohohoho, is a hurricane a blowing. Does it have a bottle of rum. is a pirates life for me.♫
"MAKE IT STOP!!!!"
"Sure thing."
"Wait, really?"
"Yeah, just jump overboard and all will stop. Or, you can wait 5 seconds and we will arrive at Bilgewater."
"Do you mean five seconds as in, literally five s-"
Meanwhile, at bilgewater:
"econds, or figur- Ah, i see now."
"Well, they payed me a box of monk oranges to do all this, so follow me through Bilgewater."
"Oh sure, they pay him. Meanwhile i get docked pay for every minute i am traveling. I don't even get any overtime, despite having to work twice as long."
They walk up stairs, a lot of stairs.
"I hate stairs."
"Welcome to Butchers Bridge."
"Why do they call it Butchers Bridge?"
"Come to the back of my store and i will show you. I have a half price deal going on manatee."
"Uhhh, no thanks. We aren't in need of any manatee right now, Butcher Urgot."
"Alright, bye then, ehhaha. (Yeah, cancel that exotic British meat promotion, we aren't getting any in. I know, the manatee deal almost always works. it is just too much savings to pass up. Maybe they are vegetarian or something.)"
"Oh look, its Master Chef Tahm Kench's restaurant."
"Hey, is that Super Fan Fiddlesticks outside the restaurant? I hear he really appreciates what you do."
"Welcome all, to the most exotic food east of Zaun. Anything i can get for you hungry folks?"
"Not unless you have bacon bit fries, you ugly fish."
"I do not believe we've met before. If this has to do with the misery feedin' of my normal self. Rest assured that i have none of that here. Only the finest delectable cuisine."
"O, M, G. ITS CORPORATE GNAR!!!! I AM SUCH A BIG FAN OF WHAT YOU DO."
"Really? most find me a bit off-putting."
"Why are you here, whats going on. ICANTBELIEVEITSCORPORATEGNARHOWISTHISEVENHAPPENINGBREATHEAYEEEEEE."
"Ok, you are getting a little creepy now, and a little too close."
"Boss, be nice to him. So, why are you at Master Chef Tahm Kench's Restaurant, Super Fan Fiddlesticks?"
"Ohhh, i made friends with him. Here at butchers bridge, they have this thing where two crews battle to reach the other side. When one side wins they get all the loot from the losers. I sometimes compete in them, they call me the Deystroyer when i do."
"Sounds interesting."
"Yeah, me and Tahm here met during one of these battles, we were on the same side. We tried to win by having Sion charge to the end, but he ran headfirst into a well a few feet from where he started. Still made it a good ways after that though. Finally Tahm just swam to the end and we won. His whole, worlds one river thing comes in handy. It kind of felt like cheating, but it wasn't against the rules. We think, no one can really find the original rules."
"Ah yes, i remember back when i had a crew that fought in those battles, we were the best around."
"Yeah, didn't you battle miss fortune and her army of ninjas. Or was it rouge pirates and thieves, i never can remember. It was a legendary battle, I don't remember how it ended either."
"We don't speak of the ending here. I was a very different man back when i put that crew together."
"Yeah, i remember you differently, what happened?"
"Well you see i, didnt quite fit with me lore, and i was just a generic pirate, so in order to be better. they made me gruff and tough. I also lacked counterplay and didn't have many ways to show my skill. was at a bar with gragas, he showed me that it would be a lot better to shoot barrels, instead of the air. Then i got on complete makeover, pirate edition. So they gave me a new look, new crew and better weapons. Even the cannons have extra room for improvement, and cup holders."
"Well, lets get on with it. We have a lot to do before bilgewater is forgotten, just like shurima and the freljord."