#A Corporate Matter
Episode: You can't always get what you want, unless you complain enough.
Last week:
"Ah, everything is looking good. The free rotation isn't cancerous, I'm on it. I was out of the office for that whole thing with Kayn. Today I can just put my feet up and-"
"..."
"Yeah, I know we aren't supposed to mention when it's peaceful. But today I'm not feeling very superstitious."
"Uhmmm sir, there is something wrong going on outside. A crowd of people is rioting and I think I hear them chanting your name."
"Son of a- Let's go see what they want."
"..."
"I don't want to hear it, Sona."
Outside the building:
"GIVE US TALIYAH OR GIVE US DEATH!"
"Hang on, I want her free. But I'm not really prepared to give my life just so I don't waste 6300 IP on a champion I might not like."
"Fine, how about we get a little more threatening. GIVE US TALIYAH OR WE SHALL HAVE CORPORATE GNAR'S HEAD!"




"GIVE US TALIYAH OR WE SHALL HAVE CORPORATE GNAR'S HEAD!"
"Oh dear Rito, summoners."
"Summoners? I thought we retconned them."
"No, we removed their main purpose. But they are still around. Mostly they just stay in a dark cave all day and play league all day."
"Just like normal League players."
"Also, they are also really dumb. So we use them to test experimental things from time to time."
"So, they are pretty much PBE players?"
"Yeah, basically the same thing. Except they don't get anything for free."
"HEY SORAKA, HOW YOU DOIN' GIRL!"
"Guard Dog Warwick, I see they got your head freed."
"Yeah, being stuck in a wall sucks. But at least I can see now. What is with all the angry people in robes?"
"They are made at Corporate Gnar, what else."
"ALRIGHT, BACK UP EVERYONE! I don't work here, so I really couldn't care less about what you protest. But this is some dangerous construction equipment. We are trying to get these poor guards out of the wall without bringing the whole building down and killing us all. And if any of you mess with my equipment and put the people here in danger. I will personally hunt you down and stick dynamite up your ass. So go protest over there."
"Wow, he seems intense."
"He's actually really nice once you get to know him. Oh, here they go with the jackhammers again. I'll talk to you later."

"CORPORATE GNAR DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU OR WHAT YOU WANT! HE ONLY CARES ABOUT MONEY! ALSO, HE THINKS YOUR MOMS ARE UGLY!"
"HEY, WE'RE THE ONLY ONES WHO GET TO CALL OUR MOMS UGLY."
"God fist lee sin, what are you doing?"

"Silly infidel, you never learn. Those who worship any god other than me shall suffer. But I am a merciful God. Accept me as your lord and savior and I will make this problem go away."
"You are in no way close to a god."

"So be it. CORPORATE GNAR JUST TOLD ME, HE THINKS YOU ARE ALL UGLY TOO."
"Well, I mean yeah, he's right on that."
"ALSO, HE DOESN'T THINK PUGS ARE CUTE!"
"THAT BASTARD!"
"How could he say such a thing. They are adorable. What with their squashed in faces, and their big eyes. and all that skin, so much soft wrinkly skin. And that snorting noise they make. OH MY RITO, I LOVE PUGS SO MUCH."
"Faints."
"Oh man, this is starting to get out of hand."
"Why don't you just make Taliyah free this week and have eleven champions."
"And admit I made a mistake, hahaha, no."
"HE SAID WHAT ABOUT TACOS? I'LL HAVE HIS HEAD FOR THAT!"
"Man, God Fist Lee Sin really knows how to get them riled up."
"..."
"No, they won't really kill him. At least, I don't think so."
"I have an idea on how to sate them. I don't think Taliyah is going to be enough anymore. I was hoping to not have to do this. But I guess I have no choice."
Some minutes later, at an announcement podium:
"LISTEN UP YOU PSYCHOS!"
"Listens intently."
"I have been listening to your feedback and I have an announcement to make. League has released a lot of champions over the years. And only getting ten of them free each week just wasn't enough anymore. So from now on, ten percent of all champions will be free!"
"Wait a minute, THATS STILL TEN!"
"HE'S TRYING TO TRICK YOUR LITTLE MINDS."
"HE CAN'T GET AWAY WITH THAT, GET HIM!"
"Dear Rito, you really are that stupid. TEN PERCENT! SO FOURTEEN CHAMPIONS RIGHT NOW! FIFTEEN LATER! Also, Taliyah is one of the extra four I just added to this week."
"Cheers."
"WOOHOO!"
"WE WON, WE WON!"
"I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY!"
"WE DID IT PUGSY!
"You know what, I'M GETTING A PUG TOO!"
"ME THREE!
"PUGS FOR EVERYONE!"
"Corporate Mundo is going to kill me for this."

"I didn't think he would actually do it. This shall not stop me though. Corporate Gnar and everyone else will bow to me."
"Here's a pug, COME JOIN THE PUG PARTY, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"But first, I can enjoy myself. Come, little creature, let's party."