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Dealing with insecurity and harassment and standing up for yourself

Yunaiv·11/8/2017, 12:03:21 AM·2 votes·727 views

so this quarter I regained my passion to play and get out of platinum. after a lifetime of dangerously abusive uncles and grandparents who needed to make me feel dumber than they were, I find myself unable to ignore the abuse from insecure players who don't take responsibility for their mistakes.

I prioritize putting these bullies in their place over simply ignoring them and their ping spams and as a jungler I know I need to deal with it better if I want to climb, because junglers receive the most abuse out of all roles. The streamers I watch all deal with these bullies by taking the abuse, hitting those mute buttons(and thank Riot for FINALLY adding the mute ping option) and playing on. They are successful because of this, but to bend over and take it like that, let them have their way and receive their satisfaction by abusing someone else, is INFURIATING.

This is the only thing keeping me from high elos.

Does anyone have any advice? isn't it worth standing up for yourselves or do I need to value climbing in elo over bully justice?

5 Comments

redniwediS11/8/2017, 12:40:29 AM4 votes

Retaliation is not self defense.

This is the main thing you need to understand. You are fully allowed to defend yourself, but defending yourself is taking action to prevent harm to your being.

Retaliation is harming another as they have harmed you. It's straight up revenge and while it may seem like it and self defense can overlap it's all about intent. When you try to put bullies in their place is it to protect yourself or another from harm, or are you trying to bring them down?

When you're at peace with yourself words cannot harm you, but not everyone is capable of this. Streamers who deal with these people on a daily basis either go through multiple accounts or are just not bothered by the words of other people. They are not taking the abuse, they are refusing to let the abuse effect them. I hope you'll take actions to one day put your mind at peace, but until then you just need to know the difference between retaliation and self defense. They are not the same and only one is an acceptable thing to do.

Telephone Booth11/8/2017, 12:51:13 AM2 votes

A change of perspective is all that's needed. You view these abusers as them getting off that they can just abuse you. The truth is, "standing up for yourself" only satisfies them more. They want you to flame back and to show emotion. They want to piss you off. The best thing to do to hurt them literally is to ignore them. You think when you "stand up" to these people, they are like oh man maybe he's right I'm an asshole?? No, they love that they pissed you off. And on top of that, now they get to report you too. So just stop thinking of yourself as some protector or righteous warrior. You're only feeding them the sweet tears that they flame you for. People are resilient and have grown accustomed to the flaming and trolling that happens online... in my opinion, no one really needs you to stand up for them, and you come across as some self righteous keyboard warrior to me the way you laid out your reasonings. Stop. You are just a faceless anonymous player insulting other faceless anonymous players because they insulted other faceless anonymous players. Mind your business, play the game.

Tenth Leper11/8/2017, 12:55:04 AM1 votes

If you feel you cannot progress withput needing someone other than yourself to approve of/agree with you then I believe that to be a problem. An insecurity, if you will.

I am sorry your family treated you that way, and I am embarrassed by the way some of the league players behave as well.

I hope you can keep climbing, but I do not think putting people down just because they are putting themselves up is going to help very much.

Silent Gravity11/8/2017, 2:29:53 AM1 votes

Report them. Riot taking their account away will hurt them much more than your words.

TrulyBland11/8/2017, 4:11:25 AM1 votes

They are successful because of this, but to bend over and take it like that, let them have their way and receive their satisfaction by abusing someone else, is INFURIATING.

What is likely more satisfactory for a bully: Somebody showing (even if by a reaction that they did not anticipate) that they are extremely pissed off, or somebody literally ignoring everything they say because they cannot even read it?

Muting isn't bending over, it's taking away literally every bit of power that this bully has over you. You talk about insecure players, but if you are entirely incapable of ignoring what somebody else says and you absolutely have to defend yourself, that makes you just as insecure. And I'm saying that knowing that I am just like that most of the time.

But as somebody who used to have the urge to fight back every single time I was being verbally attacked and who is becoming better and better at just muting people very early, I can tell you this: Muting somebody who tries to bully you is actually a great way to reclaim power; not only over the bully but also your own insecurities and emotions.

You know what's worth more than standing up for yourself? Appreciating yourself enough to just let it go and enjoy the game rather than engage in a flame war that ultimately makes you just more angry.