Nothing feels worse than seeing the suspension screen. (Other stuff too)

Hey there.

(Very) Small paragraph about me, I've been playing League since August (I think) of last year. I've fallen in love with the game, and certain aspects of the community. You guys are, as a whole, great. Dirty Riven main (sorry >.<)

I did not come here to make a sob-story novel about how "Wuh, I'm not toxic, this is BS, I'm the nicest player ever!!!". I deserve my 14 day suspension, maybe even more heavily than some other players that get them. I am, as a person, heavily toxic. I believe it stems from other games that have absolutely no punishments, or at least very few repercussions for being a twat, so I began to look at this as an acceptable behavior, be it WoW, CSGO, hell even Everquest. But that's beside the point.

Some players, like me, have been hit with the suspensions. As someone who didn't realize the amount of toxic bullcrap that I spew out (or at least how disgustingly putrid it is), let me just say, we need to stop. I, for one, was not aware until I took a look at my chat logs how badly I might hurt people's feelings, or may have said something or insulted them about a subject that they struggle with on a daily basis. I think it took this ban to put a self-realization on myself that... There's a living, breathing person on the other side of that screen. That Yasuo player on the other team that E'd through a minion wave, Q'd me twice and ult'd me so hard I felt it on the way back from the fountain? He doesn't deserve to be called the kinds of things I said. I got outplayed and I need to deal with that.

That feeder on my team? What if he was having a bad game and I made him feel worse by being an ass-clown? I don't think in the heat of the moment that I realize I'm being a jerk. I take this game entirely too serious. I haven't got much in the way of friends, so that may be why I take dumb stuff on the internet seriously, but this is even more of an eye opener. If some random person on the internet or at Riot's headquarters thinks I'm a toxic scumbag, I must make people in real life feel ever worse than that. So I'm going to take this ban as an opportunity to set myself straight, and I suggest to anyone else facing a permanent ban if they don't get their act together to do the same.

It's not worth it. It's not worth a win in a video game, no matter if you're in your Bronze 3 promos or Diamond 4, to make someone feel like complete shit. It's not worth calling someone an autistic inbred just because they misplayed. It's not. And I think I realize that now. It may have taken countless chat bans and the temporary suspension of my account to get the point across, but it finally did.

I'll be disabling all chat, and muting people in my games that pick fights constantly. I suggest doing the same if you're like me and stick to your guns hard.

As a closing note, I'd like to apologize to anyone I may have hurt in my games. I don't remember your champions, names, or even what I said. But if it's anything similar to what I got banned for, it deserves a sincere apology. If you can prove that I was in one of your games and I said something that warrants an apology, I'll do it personally and make it up to you. This game should be about teamwork and complimenting eachother for good plays and helping eachother back up after you stumble, not 'That guy' that you're embarrassed to have on your team.

Thank you Riot, also. This ban has put into perspective how toxic I am in real life, and although it embarrasses me that a ban in a video game is what knocked sense into my head, I didn't get to choose what it was. But I'm glad it was League. I fell in love with this game faster than I did the original Paper Mario when I was much younger, and I've dropped a ton of money into skins and time into making myself better. So I'd like to invest time in making myself a positive member of the community both here and in real life now. I think it's time I started acting a little nicer.

So thanks for the ban I guess? Haha, hopefully I'll have started the process of turning myself around, and maybe I can catch some of you guys in my games. See you in 2 weeks :)