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My Tale of Attempted Reform (and failure)

soeuph0ric·8/1/2017, 1:29:43 PM·22 votes·2,280 views

http://imgur.com/rY84ATx

Well, I've been permabanned. That's the tl;dr version. I got to this point by being toxic incredibly frequently (unsurprisingly) but despite my admittedly disgusting behavior in game, I have been consciously trying to reform. From my 25 game chat restriction, I've been trying to chat less with my team and just focus on winning the game. Coincidentally (or consequently) I found myself being incredibly toxic the moment a game began to go south for my team. My mentality in-game is unfortunately just a case of "if I don't win, it's my team's fault". I started playing like this pretty much the moment I picked up Draven. The feast or famine concept associated with playing Draven leaked into my gameplay with every other champion, resulting in me thinking games were instantly won the moment I got first blood, and raging at my team if we gave up a tower or a kill first. I noticed myself doing this, and would go into games consciously thinking "I won't be an asshole this time". Half the time I'd achieve my aims- the other half, not so much. I was toxic less frequently, sure, but I was still toxic. In the end, I had a few bad games in a row, raged at my team every time (despite plenty of the problems being my own fault) and ended up permabanned. My question (to any ex-toxic players out there) is how did you reform? I'll inevitably come back to League on another account, so I want to try to not screw it up next time. Thanks for reading.

61 Comments

Blutseuche8/1/2017, 2:22:48 PM9 votes

I was extremly toxic a few years ago. I spammed KYS in Chat and all this hate speech. I flamed about teammates, cause i was unsecure and blamed all my losses on them. I got Permanently Suspended. Totally deserved.

Now, i got 2 Week banned mroe than a month ago.

I had a bad game and the Account i write with now, didnt had a 25 game CR 2 years ago. I server transferred, so i didnt play on EUW to decrease the punishment level and thus this single game i lashed out was enough to get me 2 Week banned.

Since then i played over 100 games on this Acc, without any negativity. I dont use the chat anymore, except for positive remarks, so i can decrease my punishment Level. Having reached Honor level 3 makes me feel better and reassures me, i can reform.

I am scared of maybe lashing out someday, but i have to live with it. Its about maturing and controlling yourself, not to type in the Chat and eventually being dropped in punishment level, but even if i did, i wouldnt know, since i wont go for another punishment, be it CR or Perma.

Arams, Normals, Rankeds of all Kinds, i play them all, but i only play on this Acc when im having a good time and wont tilt. I defend people that feed in Rankeds by saying everyone can have a bad game. I play Ranked to improve and have fun while doing so. Having reached a relatively high Elo makes me feel good and prevents me from tilting by having a bad game, since i know im good enough to reach higher anyway, so a lose wont tilt me.

I will reform and i will stay in the community. I will try my best to make the games enjoyable for my teammates. I wont tilt about feeding teammates, and even if i do, i will not lash out in Chat. I will respect my enemy if he stomps me. I will respect the enemy Jungler if he camps my lane and brigns my enemy laner ahead, even if i was ahead at the start, because its a 5v5 and not 1v1 game. I will reform.

All you have to do is to have the right mentality. Even if your feeder Team loses you the game, you have so many games ahead of you. You get so many chances in this game, be it reforming, getting better and/or winning a single game by doing the right choices.

And if you really get 2 Week Banned again and are scared of losing your Account, transfer it to another Server. Your Punishment Level is serverside. So you just come back to your old server when you have the feeling you have reformed and can drop your punishment level.

Kendrick Leemar8/1/2017, 2:06:00 PM5 votes

You don't actually reform, you just do a little better each time.

If every player reported every bit of unsportsmanlike behaviour they saw, the game would be dead.

The game would be left with a combination of "HAHAHAH XDDDDDDD" twelvie weeabs, and a completely mute non english speaking players.

Trash talking is the most exciting thing about this game.

Kendrick Leemar8/1/2017, 4:05:12 PM3 votes

I've lost about 6 accounts now to permabans, but I am slowly reforming. My last account lasted about a season or two, which is a vast improvement from some. I think at my worst it was 2 or 3 in a season.

I'll let you in on how I improved. I focused on climbing. To do that, you gotta focus on yourself.

I know you'd be reading those cliche quotes "Every mistake is just a chance to learn" etc etc

You don't and you won't learn anything, until you pro-actively try to learn from them and accept it.

Focus on your game with these few steps and I guarantee you will be less toxic and you will climb.

Open notepad. Type "Every defeat is my own fault. Every death is a mistake, and every mistake is a chance to improve. Watch the replay". Set the font to max, stretch it out to be screen wide and make the height only big enough to see the text. Place it at the top of the screen.
Alt-tab back into your client and play. When you finish the match, the very first thing you will see is that phrase. It will remind you not to spam shit in post game lobby, and to watch the replay.
Watch replay. Take it off Directed Camera, and double click yourself. Scroll to somewhere you died. Watch how and why you died, and what YOU and only **YOU **could have done to prevent it. Go back 60 seconds if you have to. The lead up to your death is probably more important than the fight itself. Could also try watching it from your teams point of view (Fog of war setting below camera mode), just to look for things you could have done better.
Do the same for Baron, Drake and lost/won teamfights.

It really helps your play, you really start to understand how important vision is, where the heavy traffic areas are for warding and general game patterns.

After a while, you will start to improve without noticing, and you will rely less on your team. Your vision score will go up, meaning you and your team are less likely to get caught. Your map awareness will go up, so you can ping dangerous situations to your team. You will start to focus on your own mistakes in game, rather than missed skillshots or failed ganks by teammates. You won't notice their fuck ups as much, and then you will start to abuse them less.

I enjoy being salty, so I often yell at the screen with idiots, or abuse them out loud. Don't do this. Although you can't be banned for abusing them under your breath, you get back into the habbit of blaming people and will start to flame again.

Also taking breaks between games to watch your matches helps you calm down between games, giving your tilt and bad mood a break.

I know there have been games where I lose a 50 minute match and immediately requeue. I'd get invaded and tilt off the face of the earth, immediately starting to int or AFK.

Breaks are good. Self-awareness is good. People who climb don't abuse others because they are too busy trying to improve.

SanKakU8/2/2017, 12:41:14 AM3 votes

You got to play and chat by principles. If you're swelling with negative emotions, try and figure how to let your mental strength prevail and be guided by honorable principles. Don't let your emotions get the better of you.

Solavis8/1/2017, 9:31:35 PM2 votes

The best piece of advice I can give is to focus only on yourself. Sure your support may be playing like a monkey, but odds are they aren't going to respond well to your input mid-game -- and that's not to say they shouldn't react well, but as a general rule there's a great lack of respect shown between two players that don't know each other. So they're likely to just ignore you or flame you etc. Best thing you can do is make use of those mute buttons and just focus on what is in your power to change: your own gameplay. You shouldn't feel bad about a loss if you did everything within reason to win the game. That's not to say you shouldn't review what you did that game and look for areas to improve, but if you're stuck in a situation where the team is legitimately not pulling their weight, just let it play out and hope for better luck next game. Occasionally having crappy teammates is just a side effect of playing a team game, and understand that these randoms aren't your friends: they likely don't care what you think of how they're playing, and they're usually just going to flame and tilt you if you call them out.

Now that's not to say you can't try to shotcall, but, unfortunately, you have to assume that everyone on your team is a baby-back bitch with a huge ego wrapped in TNT. Make frequent use of "I think ______" and "maybe we should do _____" and other such qualifiers so they don't feel like you're barking orders at them. Teams react better to "maybe we should play around our ults' wombo, that could work" than "can we stop fighting without ults." It's important to understand that flaming your team is only going to make them tilt harder: you're just shooting yourself in the foot, and for what? To release a little anger? You're still pissed whether you flame them or not. What's the point?

If you find yourself being toxic because you care too much about winning, I recommend staying away from ranked until you can separate playing to win from having to win. If you care too much about winning in normals and aram, you should have a long hard look at your mentality when playing competitive games.

Oh, and if any of your friends are toxic shits, don't play with them. Toxicity spreads like disease. Cut the bad fruit. It's worth attempting a civil conversation out of game with them about their toxicity, but if things don't change, or if they don't react well to the conversation, just stop playing league with them.

That's my 2 cents anyway.

Mcsquzzy8/2/2017, 2:28:33 PM2 votes

Mute chat pretend the game lacks a chat feature

rework trundle8/1/2017, 8:02:50 PM1 votes

I stopped caring about whatever happens in the game that isn't related to myself. Mid feeding? ok We lost baron? ok I'm feeding? not ok This, because I'm the only person I'm playing with in 100% of my games. I'd rather improve myself than flame and tell others how to play, who are probably already tilted.

I Q8/1/2017, 8:16:50 PM1 votes

I used to be pretty toxic, I never got banned but I bet I was pretty close to it.

What I did was only focus on my own play, and just mute my teammates in the game

If my team cost me a game, i knew it was just bad luck and I'd be able to win the next one.

Now the only thing that tilts me is when my premades throw the game, and dont even realize it, but ive been working on fixing that side of me too.

GOOD LUCK! [slayer-jinx-wink]

Hoja8/1/2017, 8:23:49 PM1 votes

{quoted}

Well, I've been permabanned. That's the tl;dr version. I got to this point by being toxic incredibly frequently (unsurprisingly) but despite my admittedly disgusting behavior in game, I have been consciously trying to reform. From my 25 game chat restriction, I've been trying to chat less with my team and just focus on winning the game. Coincidentally (or consequently) I found myself being incredibly toxic the moment a game began to go south for my team. My mentality in-game is unfortunately just a case of "if I don't win, it's my team's fault". I started playing like this pretty much the moment I picked up Draven. The feast or famine concept associated with playing Draven leaked into my gameplay with every other champion, resulting in me thinking games were instantly won the moment I got first blood, and raging at my team if we gave up a tower or a kill first. I noticed myself doing this, and would go into games consciously thinking "I won't be an asshole this time". Half the time I'd achieve my aims- the other half, not so much. I was toxic less frequently, sure, but I was still toxic. In the end, I had a few bad games in a row, raged at my team every time (despite plenty of the problems being my own fault) and ended up permabanned. My question (to any ex-toxic players out there) is how did you reform? I'll inevitably come back to League on another account, so I want to try to not screw it up next time. Thanks for reading.

Listen dude, honestly your never gonna reform, as a TOXIC player of riot, its just riot support team abusing there power and putting names on us like toxic for players who just suck....

I just got a 14 day ban on my new account because of stupid players who i said Muted and reported. i will be posting it surely to show how idiotic this staff team is.

VitalBiotic8/1/2017, 8:35:20 PM1 votes

I see myself being a bit toxic too, I hate it but I can't bite my tongue. What I hate the most however, is when I try to portray information, but put in some curse words, that get's me a report and a chat restriction, however there's a bunch of passive-aggressive smug kids out there baiting people into bans, without getting banned themselves. It also confuses me when some people who are being blatantly toxic, agreed on by both teams doesn't get banned, yet I do for saying someone done a stupid move. IIRC this is because Riot uses bots which just saves and scans the logs of games, similar to a CTRL+F searching in any typical toxic keyword. They don't look for a trigger or a behavior by someone else that led to it. Hell, they don't even scan other players chat logs, even if they are saying extremely toxic stuff.

It's not Rito abusing the system, it's Rito having a flawed automatic ban bot. Rito themselves only actually look over cases for professional people or big names such as Tyler.

I can see why they ban, but I don't agree with it. The furthest I think they should ever go for toxicity (as in chat toxicity, not inting) is a perma-chat-restriction.

Moonfall Saber8/1/2017, 9:20:25 PM1 votes

I didn't reform. I just use different words. Don't say bad words. Call people funny words instead like. Instead of caring someone a retard call them a little red head boy.

50000000000000008/1/2017, 11:09:12 PM1 votes

I recommend trying to play with other positive players. Voice comm helps, but isn't necessary.

Try to add positive players from games you didn't flame, and play with them.

Chromatic Eagle8/2/2017, 12:09:51 AM1 votes

I have to ask the people in this thread something, what are you guys like in real life? Personally, I consider myself to be a rude person. I've snapped, cursed out, and argued with others, and it's gotten me into a lot of trouble in my life. Even on forums I can be a jerk. But as far as games are concerned, I don't flame. At least not continuously to be banned.

Maybe it's because I know I don't want to get banned, losing out on money. Maybe I don't like to argue. Maybe it's because I can't argue because it wastes time in game, but I don't understand how you guys have such a lack of control over yourselves.

Rule of thumb is if you wouldn't say something toxic to a person in real life, then you shouldn't be saying it to someone online.

ZmIkSa8/2/2017, 12:32:28 AM1 votes

Play fewer amount of games per day, your mind is bored with a lot of games and you dont even realize it. And try to stay out of this game if youre nervous. If youre always nervous, thats some bigger problem, much bigger than a damn video game and you should change something in your life. And one more important note: when you realize RANKED is just a pathetically unimportant thing, you would act WAY much better.

Barcid8/2/2017, 5:49:05 AM1 votes

Hard to say. A lot of times you're in control still and it's not an issue. But the game's got a lot of things going against you when you queue up.

Games take forever and extend how long you have to deal with the same people.

Feast or famine is an actual thing on a lot of champs, making a game feel incredibly helpless when a champion's become fed.

Teamwork is apparently optional as well, as people tend to completely ignore team comp in lobby which can result in utterly hopeless games from the getgo (4 ADs and a support, for example, or 3 assassins and an ADC).

You get to thinking about a lot of things that nitpick at you during the span of a game here because I play HotS a lot and not only do I not experience the same toxicity there, I'm significantly less toxic there as well. Hell, unless I get someone clearly from this game, I'm downright pleasant.

What's worse is that this game just has the stench and association of toxicity, so even when somebody's being friendly it will always sound insincere, especially when you can see them doing something selfish. Your team has no tank and they go an assassin. They're farming top while you're getting dog-piled in the jungle. I don't feel angrier in HotS because the game's so team focused that everyone works together out of necessity, and at a certain point it's practically guaranteed to be like that every time, so you don't get the guy splitpushing and not talking nearly so often, and you don't get somebody trying to treat their lane like an island. You don't get the guy saying he'll AFK push because his team is "feeding" and you don't get the guy locking another assassin when you need a support. Here... it's so... bipolar. Half the time people want to be a team and the other half they're in their own little world. It's inconsistent and infuriating when I know for a fact we could have played better. I know for a fact that we weren't working well together. When I can see what our team's lacking and where we could have patched up our gameplay while our teammates treat it like they're in single-player mode on CoD, it's frustrating. And spending 40 minutes with people you realize this with is just maddening.

Honestly, hopping between games and sampling everything... it's not actually outlandish to say that a good part of toxicity in this game isn't actually always the player. This game just kind of breeds toxicity. It's actually kind of frightening.

Cowseed8/2/2017, 6:08:44 AM1 votes

What actually goes through your mind when you utter the first word of flame to someone? I am genuinly curious. Why do you believe tearing someone else down would lift you up anywhere?

You are actually here admitting you were an asshole and that you actually tell yourself not to be an asshole. Why can't you just... not do anything dickish then? Do you like to feel angry?

I'm not pissed at you or anything. This is just one thing I see humans do that I can just never in my mind grasp. I can understand doing it sometimes when pressure builds up inside but why consistently?

RacoonHunter8/2/2017, 7:38:11 AM1 votes

This is how I reformed.. well, the process still. I had an account perma'ed last season, so I started this one. What's worked for me since the honor system came out and the fact that I finally hit gold was the fact that I've started to surround myself with people that make me better. I'm the type of person who basically feeds off the vibe of others in games. if people on my team are complete jack wads, I turn into one, etc.

I know I occasionally slip up and the worse thing I had was a 2 week back in april but since then I feel as a player riot is actually listening to me finally and in turn, that's lessening my toxicity. if I feel riot cares about their game and toxicity, then I will care as well to help make it better.

I have no clue if I'll ever get honor 3, but I am starting to play with and against a lot more players with honor 3 so hopefully I'm close :)

Kingdom Corn8/2/2017, 7:57:39 AM1 votes

Have fun with the game. No seriously thats all you gotta do. If you are having fun you won't be bothered by your blitzcrank feeding or what ever it is. I played a game as hecarim and I was 4-7 with 3 of my teamates flaming me and the last one was being passive agressive towards me. You know what I did? I laughed at my blitzcrank as he kept on flashing into minions and hooking them. (But I never flamed) Seriously instead of flaming people on their mistakes laugh at them (but dont type it in chat or you get banned).

SuicideAll8/3/2017, 5:59:37 AM1 votes

Reform happens over time.

Suggestions:

Meditate. Take exercise breaks. Keep a diary. Apologize when you make a mistake.

verysalt8/1/2017, 4:13:40 PM1 votes

Consider doing "troll" things - not for win but for fun. My last 3 days were abysmal regardless how hard i would try, eventually i gave up and now I do funny stuff for myself with the attitude that by chance we might get a win. Even in my last game i picked 1st time Zigs support and end up doing more damage than TOP darius, Mid Veigar or Kha jungler. Though it's still annoying to lose because of rektaded team mates but at least i don't rage because I was going with troll mindset myself.

HalcyonDweller8/1/2017, 4:40:30 PM1 votes

General thoughts:

You may find it helpful to work on your self-confidence. It's harder to lash out if you are feeling secure in your self.

When we put too much of our self worth and investment into league, we start to have problems. If you use your performance in league as a measure of self worth, you will take a lot more stuff personally than you should, you will get more upset when other players appear to cost you a win, because they then directly hurt your self-worth.

Specific suggestions / useful tools:

You gotta remember it's a game for fun, and there are many many ways to have fun in it. You're going to win some and lose some, in the end it doesn't really matter what happens in an individual game. One trick I like to use is to ask myself if I'm going to care about this game or these players that are in it with me a month from now. If the answer is no, then it's probably not worth getting worked up about. The more you can relax about it the more fun you'll have.
Don't focus so much on who's fault something is, focus more on how to move forward with the game. If you need to type in chat about something that happened, don't use past tense. It's too easy to start the blame game that way. Talk about what "we" can do the next time to prevent that problem. By using the future tense you make it much harder to be blatantly toxic. By using the group phrasing "we" you avoid making the other players feel singled out and defensive.
Take a 5 minute break after every game in which you get frustrated. It only takes a little movement, like getting up to use the restroom, collect snacks and water, and get some fresh air. This will help give you a reset so that you don't go into your next game tilted like what you said happened when you had that string of bad games that you were banned for.
Take care of yourself. Get enough rest, nutrition, hydration and exercise. Nutrition and hydration provide your brain with the fuel it needs to function well. Exercise (and specifically cardio) will push blood through your body faster, burning and filtering compounds out of your blood that would otherwise get in the way of your brain functioning well, at the same time it will pump nutrients around your body so that they are delivered to where they are needed more easily. Rest will help you recover and remain stable the next day when faced with stressors.
I know there's a lot of stigma about seeing a "therapist" but these professionals are incredibly helpful for sorting out and processing frustrating experiences, as well as developing techniques to better handle those situations. I know they were helpful to me in college when I was struggling not only with stress fro school, but also my own problems with toxicity in league. You never know until you try, they might be useful to you too.

Rainfall8/1/2017, 5:07:55 PM1 votes

i got my season 1 account banned last year,i have never been chat restricted on this one. i know that this will get downvoted but heres my advice,if the game is lost go afk or stay in the jugle or run it down mid,dont start chatting with your team and arguing who lost the game. if the game is still winabble /mute all and do your best. that is if youre a tilt flamer,flaming when youre tilted/losing if youre an all time flamer then there is not much you can do.

Salson8/1/2017, 5:16:54 PM1 votes

I was never 'toxic', but I have my own quirks to deal with bad teammates.

You enter the game with 4 bots. Bots generally get into one of the 5 types:

-Playes the game silently => normal bot => ggwp and move on

-Loses lane, but is salvagable (goes under tower, doesn't span ping, doesn't act tough, doesn't shotcall stupid shit) => bugged but working bot => play the game, they are normal just fucked up somewhere along the way

-Loses lane, blames jungler, champions, Rito, God, the weather, the jungler, imigrants, Lannisters and the jungler => trash => have you ever seen a man talking to a dumpster? Well neither should you. Surrender is an option if you want, report and move on.

-Does well...while spamming Mastery 7, talking shit and worst of all saving spells for kills....on Janna => advanced bot => play the game and move on

-Does well while remaining a human being, only trashtalking Teemos, Yis and the like => another human being you found in the Matrix => GG, honor and frend request optional

jimbeitz8/1/2017, 6:04:43 PM1 votes

I did /mute all everygame in ranked, it works well!