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I need to get a new mindset when playing League so I can stop a toxic behavior I created

Nevrankroaton·4/6/2017, 5:05:30 PM·3 votes·1,140 views

Hi to the board, it is my first time making a message here and I would have love to create it for a better reason than what I will explain now.

To be really blunt, I am writing this to get opinions and advice from people that either was in my situation or can actually try to show me how I can change the way I feel so I can create a positive experience in game for me and also for other people.

To put a little bit of context, I began league back in season 2 when Nautilus or Ahri came out (I think it was Nautilus) I think. I kinda learned alone the way the toxic behavior could run into LOL (one of my first 25 games went into a player that flamed me and called me slur like "You ugly femd*ck" and other wonderful words, which really shocked me at the time) and as time passed, I learned to do something that is really not recommended: Talking back.

We all have different behavior and background, but being an insecure person lead me to always fight back when someone either flamed me or was negative, which lead me to certainly be as toxic as this person, and of course the game often to be loss. As seasons passed, and years were gained, I had period swhere I was super positive on the game and others when I was just flat out always being rude to someone who would feel being negative. I wouldn't be mean to people loosing but I would always talk back when a 'flame' began, and you can guess how good it goes in time like this (it doesn't escalated too much, I would taunt but I would never say something like "Get cancer" or "You are a pussy girl" and terrible stuff like that. At least I had this decency)

At one point, I became cynical and since life wasn't being very good, I went into a huge circlejerk mood where I would just see the league community as "It will always be flamer/unhappy person so who care, I won't respect them and I won't care for their ego". Which lead me to be often rude and aggressive in situation where it wasn't justifiable. I got my first sanction, a gentle one since it was just a tchat restriction and I think it helped me at the time as it made me focus on other things about the game (like the game itself or just myself).

So yeah, passing now two years later (and close to now), I fell into something i though was always happening to others and couldn't happen to me (because I though that when I felt hurt, it just wasn't that bad): depression. At that time, if any of you had the terrible experience of living such thing, I was so low I just couldn't dare play league as I feared from what would happen. The real positive experience went when I did my placement games (I only played ranked in season 3) were I focused on playing well, doing my best and just seeing where I could end. It was almost at this time I finally suceeded to find a 'main' (I always was the type to play every character without really mastering one, I couldn't find a role/lane that I would spam. Only in S3 I would focus on jungle/support because I didn't have the mechanic and a huge pool of champion to play, which helped) and I did better than I would ever though, I felt just happy and I think it truly was one of my happiest moment in league.

But depression doesn't impact you just in your IRL life, some weeks later, I began to do something I only did twice in all my league life. I began to quit a game, to simply leave. I would feel very mad or sad, sometime even at stupid mistake I very obviously made and caused my doom, and I would quit.

I would just be like "I don't have the energy, the emotional charge to handle it. It is not worth getting sad and passing more bad time, I go". It went one time. Then two. Then had good two/three game, then an other. And what came from 2 game in like... 500? (Not counting disconnection because of my internet box) Or way more. I went with like... Let's say 10 quit in less than 100 game I think? I don't have numbers but it was clearly becoming a habit, when I would just feel sad and enraged, I would quit, not seeing any good outcome.

And as of recently, I discovered myself going back into this negative, pessimistic view while in the tchat. Which made me do one game when I was salty, kinda a prick (not flaming but you see the idea, blaming teammate for doing their things) and I quitted.

And for me, it cross a line. I had already a notification from Riot new tool, which strike people who afk during a game. I did my penalty games and... didn't care that much. While the other time I had a penalty, it made me focus back on other thing. I feel that I am growing into a behavior that will become really bad (and not just bad or at least temporary), there is a difference for me between doing something as bad as quitting because I don't feel well (which mean I shouldn't play) and adding this depressed emotion along with anger and... I don't know how to describe that to be honest.

I feel stuck, I love league and I don't force myself to play it, I really love the game (never will you see me write a post about how Riot suck at making the game, how viktor new lore destroy his old personna and how the new champs are "anime harpie") but I feel like I play it without a purpose, I play it while being vulnerable and I play it while not finding the right mindset to not become what I dislike about people.

I look at players that are positive or just play well and I want to be like this, to be constructive and play well and loose or win depending of what happen. I won't want to focus on what the top laner could say because I wouldn't gank his lane early, to get angry if a teammate rant, to almost want to cry or write a new emo linkin park song because I play terribly in lane. I want to be better, for myself, for the player around and also because I know there is players that are like me, emotionnal or having shit moment in their life and I would love to just... be able to give them that free space when they don't have to fear what other would say, when you just play and it will be ok even if you loose.

Could you guys please guide me? Give me some advice? Share your own experiences?

What can I think off so I don't focus on what my teammate do? How can I handle this shitty sad moment I experience when I loose/get stomp or flamed? Do you think that focusing on maining a role or a champion will make me able to focus/get a goal and also less about doing random stuff/mistake that make me quit? How can I handle my own negativity and the constant one that is often show in game (or even in the board here)?

Any critic, advice, kind word or exprience will help me to think, to clear my head of this storm of though so I can properly work on myself.

Thank you for reading this wall of text who is more about me talking non stop about my experiences.

7 Comments

Karunamon4/6/2017, 6:06:35 PM2 votes

How can I handle this shitty sad moment I experience when I loose/get stomp or flamed?

Learn to decouple the amount of fucks you give from your performance in game.

That's a pretty crass term, so let me explain.

Something I found that helped me quite a lot was not getting so into it. It's really hard to explain, but I'm the kind of person who will have an all-day high after eeking out a close win, and be in the worst mood after a stupid loss.

That still happens to some extent, but I had to start telling myself that I am not in challenger tier, am probably not going to be in challenger tier any time soon, and so treating each game as if it were on the LCS stage and everything matters was not helpful to my mood or play.

Most people who get in this situation think that if they stop giving a fuck, that they're not giving 100% and that their play will suffer and that they're being a bad player.

This is not even sorta true.

I say "not giving a fuck" instead of "not caring so much" - because you do care. Quite a bit. Not giving a fuck does not mean that you don't play your best.

Not giving a fuck means that you realize a loss is a loss, it doesn't reflect on anything but your current level of skill modulo some amount of luck.

Not giving a fuck means that you realize mistakes will happen, both from you and from the other 4 teammates. When they happen, look at what you did wrong, note it down, and systematically strive to not do that in the future. (Hint: Replays!) You will fail. But you will also get better.

Not giving a fuck means that you save the fucks you do give for things that actually matter in your life. Not on a game where you are not even close to being at the level where missing a skillshot can cost you fame and fortune. Once you get to that level, your fuck-giving abilities will be finely honed, and it won't be an issue anyways.

Not giving a fuck means that you realize that you are a human playing a game, not the Yasuo under the tower getting stormed. The other guy is just clicking the buttons somewhat better that you are at that moment. Strive to understand why and how, and the sadness and annoyance gets channeled into a constructive way to play better.

Magical Player4/6/2017, 5:08:40 PM1 votes

Dunno if it helps in your situation But just talk, talk alot About anything and everything, just keep talking

You'll learn to express yourself from textual to verbal and rito can't touch that :D

or go into every game /muteall

ModThe Djinn4/6/2017, 7:29:11 PM1 votes

{quoted}Could you guys please guide me? Give me some advice? Share your own experiences?

Absolutely.

First a quick aside—it's wonderful to see a player coming here knowing their issues, and active seeking to overcome them and improve as both a player and a community member. So kudos to you for that.

That said, let's dig into this.

##1: On Losing Nobody likes to lose. It sucks to spend that much time on a game only to end up seeing your Nexus explode, and it's even worse if you feel like a teammate's poor play or poor behavior was responsible for your loss. Remember, those—in an ideal world you should be matched up against equally skilled opponents, meaning that you should have a 50% chance of losing any game you enter.

For me, losing got a lot more tolerable when I started focusing on three things. Here they are, in order.

  1. Being the best member of the community I can be.
  2. Serving as a positive example to my team, and actively attempting to create team unity whenever possible.
  3. Playing my personal best given whatever the circumstances of that game are.

Note that "winning" is not on that list. It is, however, often a side effect of #2 and #3 specifically. And sure, I lose some games. I run into players who don't want to be encouraged, or take umbrage to attempts to build team unity. But I run into more teams that open up as a result, and I run into more players who are willing to chat, engage with each other, and work as a team. You can lose as five separate people arguing with each other, or you can lose as a team of people who understand that sometimes you just lose games, and that's fine...and maybe you even had fun or made a few friends while you lost.

And if your personal best in a given game isn't enough in someone else's opinion? Laugh it off—they're in a game with you, after all, which means that, on average, you guys are about the same skill level. Who is he/she to chew you out for something he/she probably struggles with occasionally as well?

##2: On Shitty Experiences Accept them. It happens. You can't control everyone. Mute them, learn to brush it off, and work with what you can work with. That's why #3 on the above list exists—if no players in the game are interested in unifying, or everyone is negative and toxic, just ignore them all and focus on playing the best you can until the game ends. Literally pour every bit of focus you can into that one goal, and disregard anything anyone else says.

Also remember: everyone has bad games. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has days they play one too many while in a bad mood, or days they're feeling depressed or distracted. Everyone tilts sometimes. Brush it off, accept that not all games go smoothly, and just try to make the best of every game you find yourself in, even if you have to settle for little personal goals like "take one tower" or "kill the 17/0 Yasuo."

##3: On Managing Negativity Again, my list focuses on creating positive environments as a way to avoid or distract from negative situations. Heck, I even consciously go out of my way to respond to negativity WITH positive responses when possible. If I'm told "TheDjinn, you fucking noob, you're useless" I'll either ignore him or respond with something like "Yeah. Having a bit of an off day. Sorry about that. I'll see what I can do" or "Oops. Yeah, not my best idea there." Sure, I may mute or report him later, but the point is that I'm intentionally rolling with the comments instead of fighting back. If it's extremely toxic just mute and move on, since you shouldn't be focusing on negative behavior.

And when it really begins to get you down? Listen to music while playing. Rant to a friend over Skype or text messages or voice chat. And, best of all, take a BREAK. Refocus. Read a book, exercise, make a cup of tea, or whatever helps you calm down. Realize it was a bad game, and set your eyes on the next good game. Come back refreshed and try it again.

Bad games and negative experiences are just a part of gaming. Embrace them as what they are, and use them to appreciate the good moments more. :)

Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any further questions about this or anything. Or, hell—add me in game. I'm always happy to help someone who is actively seeking help. Best of luck to you!

SnakDatSmilesBak4/6/2017, 9:35:57 PM1 votes

Yo, mindset, attitude, personality. Things like that are hard to change. And when they change it's a very powerful change. Good luck to you if you're trying to be a nicer person but do not change yourself to fit into league of legends' paradigms. If you want to change your mindset be very very very fucking careful who you listen to.

As you grow as a person these things will come naturally but good for you that you're making efforts to better yourself. Just stay on this path and you'll get where you wanna go. Baby steps will get you there as long as you keep taking them.