14 day ban after 3 winmable provisiobals(i admit i backfired alot too)

So i got lvl 30,took rankeds with nasus and darius and whoa 3 games in a row being trolled by mine team,flamed by enemy which told me to i am waste of air,water and food,to i kys(don't report me here i just want to express what they told me),fuck you usless %%%%%,retarded autist etc... and i of course had mental breakdown,took mine inagination and flamed them so hard they wanted to apologize and i told what is seen,cannot be unseen.

After i got 14 day ban i got PTSD where i had to take anti-psichotics to save myself from dying cuz i wanted to run thru street althtough outside was raging storm with elements of supercell and now i am asking myself:why i didn't let to lightning kills me when they told me this stuff? and why riot won't disable that chat for once and forever?