An open letter to Riot

Dear Riot, Thank you so much for suspending my LoL account for a fortnight. It gave me ample time to reflect on my appalling behaviour. Unfortunately I have reached the conclusion that I will never be able to change. The things I do are in my nature and I will never be able to become the kind of LoL community member that Riot value so much. I am utterly ashamed to admit that I will always be a team player. I always try to help my team members and I join the fight before they are dead. I pursue team objectives, I push the waves, attack the turrets and dragons and I never run around the map like a headless chicken looking for the next easy kill (awful I know!!). It is terrible to have to admit that I never blame my team mates when I die or lose my lane. For some unexplainable reason I never feel the need to have sex with any of their Mothers or to wish on them a death by Cancer, to steal their lane or farm, to bomb out of the Lobby because I've been allocated the Support role, or to delete their pre-selected champion in the lobby (and this is soooooo funny). I never want to surrender immediately I have a minus KDA or indeed to protect my positive KDA. Although I should know better by now, I just can't get it into my head that this is not a team game and that these behaviours actually enhance the game experience of your team members. I idiotically fought through the first 30 levels, wondering why I too could not achieve a 45/0/0 score, not realising that more than half the players are Platinum Smurf bullies who have embraced the Riot philosophy and the true objectives of the game. And then, like the moron I am I never felt the need to create a Smurf bully account. Doh! And then I committed the ultimate crime. I actually expected Riot to endorse my appalling behaviour and to inflict it on other players!!!!!! How arrogant can you get!!! Nope, I'll never fit in, I'm a lost cause. The fortnight's punishment you gave me was nowhere near enough! Your brilliant parsimonious sermon about spoiling other players game experience was nowhere near enough. Your excellent Nazi policy of arbitrarily allocating punishment with no appeal possible was nowhere near enough. I'll never fit in. Please delete my account.