I don't know anymore, honestly.

Hey everyone,

I'd like your opinion about the following.

So, a few months ago, I managed to reach platinum again from silver. I was damn right happy about that. Later on I was at Platinum 3 75 lp, so my friend noticed me in 2 higher divisions, so my friend took the chance and asked me for duo. As much as my mind said 'don't do it!', I said sure. I invited that friend and we started playing. When we got into game, all was normal, but as soon as someone made a mistake/died, my friend started pinging that dead player and questioning why do this why do that, and the way I am. I'm very silent, I like to be like "unlucky, you got it next time. we'll win man!". But for some reason I did not bother with my friend when my friend continuously kept ? pinging people who died, kept complaining when getting ganked or dying solo lane. My friend always had the jungler to blame. We were in calls as well, although I never bothered talking, because I'm a shy guy and have problems communicating voice to voice w/people. After all of this, I said "Fuck this. I'm fucking done with people asking me for duo and then act like they can use me for carrying to higher divisions." So I said to my friend I'm going to solo. My friend didn't get the good vibe from it, my friend suspected me to think it was crap at the game, she isn't though. My friend can have good moments and bad moments, but the continuous tilting, brought me into performing bad at my own lane. I'm not the kind of guy to tilt at a game, I'm more of a "Ah, damn. Another lost game. Let's keep going and see where our mistake was and keep trying!" kind of guy.

later on, my friend isn't to be seen online on the game, or any social stuff. So I took my chances and went straight to soloQ'ing to see how far I truly can climb alone. I spammed Yasuo in every game (Please, hate me for maining this guy) and I managed to reach platinum 2 100 LP. Then I had a though that was pretty much true. I can climb without a duo, without a duo that complains about everything. Played my promo games, and hit Platinum 1. Damn. You've no idea how happy I was at the time for reaching that high with my little knowledge of the game. The only thing I knew and still do is how to TP back to lane, get fed and try to carry games. Then, I noticed how I had more wins than losses. I then finally managed to reach 78 LP. Now I thought "I'm finally this close to Diamond 5 promotions. It's time to claim it." But did I really? No. I didn't. In fact drama popped up between me and a few others over some stupidity, so I kept feeling completely shit. What'd I do? I played games, but I only lost and lost and lost. This put me down to platinum 2 75 LP. I got mad for playing when I was in a shitty mood. So I stopped playing for a day and tried again next one. It didn't work either. I dropped down to Platinum 3. I saw how I was dropping divisions for having a bad mood for that long. My friend showed up again. Asked me to duo and I was like "k". Asked me if I was ok, and I said I'm just in a shit mood. I managed to get 78 LP Plat 1. My friend got all "wow, very nice :P Carry me :3". I responded with a simple "ok".

As we got into games, same stuff. Same complaining, same blaming. I decided to mute everyone, my friend included. but could still hear my friend in the call. We kept losing and losing, and then I had one game where I got annoyed at my friend, so I was talking and talking to the top laner that I was playing against, and my team got pissed off and told me to fuck off, cause we lost the game. I put a light smile up as I saw the Defeat screen and then I got spammed. Like 6 messages at once from my supposedly 'duo', blaming me and telling me how I managed to get my friend dropped to platinum 5 for all the 'hard work' my friend had done to reach platinum 4, but my friend forgot one thing. "Carry me". At those games, I was the one doing the most work, I helped my bot lane get fed so they could help me out win the game. I was the one who managed to get my friend into platinum 4 division multiple times, but did my friend see that? No. I felt used, when I saw the message saying my friend worked hard to get into plat 4 solo, when we were basically duoing all of the games.My friend refused to duo with me again after that one game where I stopped caring. We were leading and could have won, but I gave up on the game. So, I decided to play alone again. I hit platinum 3 from platinum 5 0 LP (was shielded from demoting to gold 1). I apologized to my friend for causing that loss in that game and said that I'll help you climb back up again to where you were, but that's it. My friend agreed and we played again, and we kept losing when I played with her, but I had hope that I could get us back up to where we were, which we did. We both got to platinum 3 promotions, but my friend failed them, and I won them. (I went to sleep since it was 3-4 am at the time) but nowadays, my friend wouldn't play with me because of a 'promise' to play with a friend that actually can talk in voice calls. That made me feel shit, you know? A shy guy like me having reasons as to why I can't talk/refuse to talk.. It's like my friend gave no fucks about it. For that one reason and others I don't know of, stopped playing with me.

Now, most of the time I felt I was to be blamed for all the games, but I played my part. Tried my best, but in the end it was nothing but rage from my friend and complaints about how everyone did bad at this and that, but REFUSED to see own mistakes.

Now, I'm asking you all.. How do I climb back again to Platinum 1? I can't do it again. It's always a one-time road, to higher divisions, but that's about it.

Some people just like to use you for free LP, but the moment you lose more than 5 games with them, they jump to another guy's lap and be all sweet and cute until they do terrible and see you doing well again. I felt nothing but used.

Thanks for taking your time to read this.

TLDR; duo'd with friend, did bad, lost games, climbed solo to almost dia promos. played with friend again, got annoyed. got blamed. I'm trash?