Well, I got another two-week ban. (An introspective and informational look into behaviour here)

Kuronii Lumiira·May 5, 2017·21 votes·2,220 views

That's the fourth one in as many years!

Now, I can guess what you're thinking. It probably ranges from any point of "what's wrong with you" to "why hasn't this jerk been perma'd yet", and I can honestly say that you're justified in thinking that. I'm the last person who will tell you that you're wrong to think that. But, what's really going on?

I've been unapologetically rude in my games as of late. Not just rude, but vicious and mean. I recognise this. I recognised this when I got a 10-game chat ban, followed up by a 25-game chat ban. I still didn't relent. I honestly didn't think of the consequences. I just played games and wanted to win so badly that I was extremely critical of my allies and their decisions.

Does anything I say here excuse my behaviour? Absolutely not. Even acknowledging that I've done wrong won't do any good, since people may construe it as me being above the situation.

I think the big question I should be asking here is "why?". Why do I persist in engaging in negative types of behaviour even when I've been told that it's wrong and detrimental? Is it a failure on my part to actualise the wrongdoing? Do I just acknowledge it, but lack the follow-through to make permanent changes in how I deal with people? In previous times, I've done what I can to reform and treat others well, but I end up coming back to it.

What, in a person or environment, causes someone to continually engage in these types of behaviour? More importantly, when punishment isn't getting through, what can be done to make a person permanently change their attitude? What sort of punishment can be handed out to repeat offenders, such as myself, that would allow them to keep playing the game while limiting their negative influence on the game? What can be done for such a person to truly reform? What steps would it take, and how long would it take?

I'm interested in looking at the identifying traits that cause people like me to continue acting in such a way, and I'm equally as interested in looking at what can be done to help.

Despite what you may think, I'm truly interested in reforming. Two week bans are annoying, for sure, but I don't want other players to feel like the players I've wronged in the past.

What do you think?

52 Comments

GoldiluxMay 5, 20176 votes

I think it is awesome that you are putting yourself out there to try and show people that reforming is something you want to do. Hopefully more people will read this and try to reform with you! You can definitely do it! [slayer-pantheon-thumbs]

Moonfall SaberMay 5, 20171 votes

No you can't you will just get perma banned and have to make a new account like me. Just start making a new account now so your main doesn't get banned.

Warlord ZudaneMay 5, 20172 votes

Yes, you are a piece of scum, thus everybody else is too. Great logic.

ModThe DjinnMay 5, 20174 votes

[{quoted}](name=Kuronii Lumiira,realm=NA,application-id=ZGEFLEUQ,discussion-id=gLE9iEzd,comment-id=,timestamp=2017-05-05T15:17:17.072+0000)Now, I can guess what you're thinking.

Actually, I'm thinking "Cool. A guy who may be toxic in-game, but is reasonable, rationale, and wants to have an honest discussion about his behavior out of game. We can work with this, and maybe help. I wish more punished players were like him."

See, not all punished players are bad for the community. Those who think the rules against toxicity are stupid, or that they have some justification for their actions, or that they CAN'T change are problematic and need to be removed -- those who want positive change and struggle with it though? Those people are fine with me if they are serious about taking steps to improve.

In previous times, I've done what I can to reform and treat others well, but I end up coming back to it.

Amusingly, I'm reading a book on this very sort of thing right now -- it's called "F-ck Feelings" (omitted letter is intentional, as it's the title of the book), and it's largely about how the idea of "perfecting" yourself and removing your flaws is almost entirely impossible in practice. One of the big things it mentions is how slip-ups like this happen, and that returning to bad habits is fairly normal, and fairly understandable.

In short, sometimes all you can do is mitigate the effect.

To that goal, I'd look at two things -- the cause, and alternatives.

It may just be that you're highly competitive, don't like when you feel others fail, and respond nastily. But I'd take a look and see if there are any recurring trends -- does your toxicity spike when you're feeling stressed, depressed, or powerless about things outside League? Does it spike when you're hungry/thirsty? Does it spike when you're playing League because you don't have anything else to do, instead of when you're playing League because you specifically want to play League? If you can find a trend of this kind, you might be able to help figure out what you can do to reduce it, and/or when you should and shouldn't be playing League.

For alternatives, the first is easy -- if you're raging a bit in a game, take a break. Immediately. Don't queue up again -- you'll tilt yourself. Take a few days off if needed during a big losing streak. Play some rounds of a game you don't take as seriously (I goof off in Heroes of the Storm when I'm tilting a bit in League, since I find that game silly and more relaxed).

Also, find an anger outlet. Shout at your monitor. Punch a pillow. Buy a stress ball and just WRECK it. Keep something by your desk and just accept that you'll get angry now and then -- just don't TYPE your anger. An easily accessible outlet may be helpful.

Finally, find a duo-queue buddy. I have a friend in EXACTLY your situation (although without the bans -- he was working towards it though), and having me on Skype lets him A: rant to me over Skype, and B: allows me to tell him that the fight isn't worth it, and then we just find our own way to do the best we can. It's REALLY helped his behavior, even when I'm NOT around, since he has that little voice going "Dude...he's not worth it. Eyes on the next game."

Kuronii LumiiraMay 5, 20171 votes

This is actually quite helpful. I had tried to curb my physical expressions of anger, since my boyfriend was telling me that my loudness was bothersome at times, but I hadn't thought of alternatives. A stress ball sounds like it would be very therapeutic for me.

As for tendencies, I sort of have a "gambler's fallacy" in another way; I think that, even if I'm upset with this loss, I can recoup my efforts and do better next game. But if I don't get a win, or even if I get a win, but things in the game just don't go my way all the time, my attitude can worsen. I mean, I'll be honest with you -- I find it hard to stop playing League in that situation. I just want to play more and more and redeem my poor play, but I never just take a break until after I've blown up at someone.

Well, these two weeks will give me time to think about how to apply that and how best to recognise when I'm going downhill when I get back to playing.

ModThe DjinnMay 5, 20172 votes

[{quoted}](name=Kuronii Lumiira,realm=NA,application-id=ZGEFLEUQ,discussion-id=gLE9iEzd,comment-id=00030000,timestamp=2017-05-05T18:55:05.908+0000)This is actually quite helpful.

Always happy to help!

As for tendencies, I sort of have a "gambler's fallacy" in another way; I think that, even if I'm upset with this loss, I can recoup my efforts and do better next game.

I'd try picking up another quick game then -- Hearthstone, Heroes of the Storm, or something you can take casually. Maybe use it as a "palate cleanser" in between stressful League games.

And yeah, it'll be hard to stop if you have a gambler's fallacy effect. But keep trying to push past it -- you're basically fighting what may be years of bad League habits AND perhaps some personality traits, and it's going to be rough.

Give yourself a 1-loss-per-day limit for a while, for instance, and STICK TO IT. Even if you REALLY want to play League. One loss, no matter the reason, and you're done. Read a book, grab a glass of wine, learn to paint, or just do anything else.

It's going to be a LOT of work to break the habit, and it may feel miserable for a while, but it may just be something you need to deal with.

When you get back, if you think you may need help, feel free to drop me a line. I'm usually down for a game or two, and am pretty low-key. If you think that would help, let me know.

Eternal TormentMay 5, 20174 votes

what do i think? hm.

hats off to you sir. Not many have the balls to admit they are toxic, even less got what it takes to truly admit their wronghood and seek Rehabilitation like you do.

but as much as i would love to bring good news and answers, all i can give is hypothesis about why you Keep behaving off the rails, and what could be done to lower the toxicity.

First of all, why you Keep on behaving negatively. It could be many reasons and without thoroughly knowing you one can only guess. Maybe a streak of bad days? maybe a bad personality trait you grew into a while ago? maybe you just are a very competitive personality so when you end up on the losing end it hits you deep inside. who knows, but logically seen all of the answers could be right. only one who can confirm that is your own self.

as for the answers to your search for a better self. first of all, the bad news. We are all humans, emotions are always present, and all of them. means you can fight it off a lifetime long, you will at one point break, lose your shit and go hulk on people, verbally or physically. what you can however do is lessen the effects. Lower the influence toxicity has you and thus shrink the chances of you responding with the same toxicity.

One such Thing is Play with friends. They know you, they understand it when you have some bad days. With them you can fully and openly talk about your emotional state of mind, and calm down again.

Play for fun only. If competitive attitude is the source of your evil, then all you can do is quit it entirely. Play league just for the fun of it, the thrill of the chase, not the adrenaline for your performance, to word it figuretively. Just do it because you like it, not because you want to achieve something. If you are just there for fun, it means you will just Play your game and subconciously trigger your human ignorance towards negativity. sure, if it is heavy enough it might still affect you, but both damage and Response will be lowered by a lot.

third option is, and i wish i was joking but i am not, to quit league entirely. Hear me out on this one. I can tell that you really love this game, i mean 2 chatbans and 4x 2week bans and you are still here, that either means you are tenacious as fuck, or really like the game and don't wanna give up on it. but if all else Fails, then i have to honestly advice you to take a break from it or quit entirely. league of legends as a game is a very strategy set, objective controlled, competitive multiplayer online Arena. You are bound to meet sore losers who will shake heaven and earth to express their Anger. And if that becomes too much, you have to avoid it entirely. I made experience with it before, and while you can Keep this option as a last Resort, i have to be realistic and say you should at all times Keep this one in good consideration. Your liking for the game shouldn't grow into an arrogance that blinds you from the damage you both take and deal.

Moonfall SaberMay 5, 20173 votes

I think that it's not your fault. It's the dumbass player who made you upset in the first place. Ban that guy instead.

Kuronii LumiiraMay 5, 20174 votes

Yeah! Burn their houses down!

And the kids who run into streets! We need to teach them to not get hit by cars instead of telling drivers to watch out for them!

XidphelMay 5, 20172 votes

Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!

Moonfall SaberMay 5, 20172 votes

What kind of terrible parents don't tell teach thier kids not to get hit by cars. If a kid runs into the street and gets hit by a car it's thier own fault for not listening to thier parents. Then burn the house

Troll for TrumpMay 6, 20171 votes

That's true though, there are a metric ton of people that just randomly jaywalk.

Yes the driver should be alert, that will reduce the chances of an accident.

But people jaywalking, or randomly running across streets isn't helpful.

Kats PajamasMay 5, 20173 votes

"Do pardon me good sir, I do believe while observing you and simultaneously playing my lane completely optimally, I thought that my observation of your poor play and making this known to you would improve it. Cheerio, DouchyMicDoucherson."

OelykMay 6, 20173 votes

Bravo. You have the right mentality and sight to move forward. Most are blinded by silly reasoning that they tunnel vision into win or lose ultimatum.
Look at the bigger picture. You play to have fun, winning is fun, losing is frustrating, we all know that. But it doesn't always have to be that losing is the worst thing in the world, thinking that and playing a game is like flipping a coin with 50% winrate on average, you are almost intentionally hurting yourself if you only play to win and see winning as the only way to have fun. Destroying the nexus is a official win, but personally I see little wins just as good. E.G. I have been spamming Tristana for the past week, and being Tristana, I had the roughest experiences early game, often getting bullied out of lane and losing first tower, getting zoned off CSed and all-in'ed every time I walked into lane. Sure I was plenty frustrated, but I also knew I could still be useful to my team in the best way I knew how to as Tristana. Farm up and split push. Finding champs that you like, gaining profieciency, setting small goals, out farming opponents, deal most damage, little victories(Without being and ass hole and stealing CS from carries. That's my pet peeve.) are always good.
Everyone is human. It's so easy to just think of the underperforming teammate as just a character, but the fact is that they are a very real human, like yourself who makes mistakes. You make mistakes too and by that logic you don't really have a right to flame them, sure they may do questionable things but it's just a game. You can play another later and appreciate maybe the good players that you get, or even the decent ones. Remembering all the bad games only makes you simplify to everything being bad.

All of the noobsMay 5, 20172 votes

It's a very interesting topic you're on, so have my upvote!

I like to look at case through two perspectives, the healthy & the unhealthy player.

The healthy player is he/ she who doesnt have the needs to point out your mistakes or wrongs. This player doesn't believe being toxic is a answer or the way to go and does their best to keep calm towards whatever faces them. Behaved!

Sadly, we all have our limits. I believe a majority of all healthy players turns into unhealthy players because we're being sick treated disgusting. **The temptation **to fight fire with fire grows every game and the part of us who didn't intended acting that way is slowly forgotten.

It's like a virus. Once you hit your limits you cant help it and you'll act in a way you know you wouldn't if certain people didn't provoke you to do it. In the end, we receieve a penalty for something others made you do.

The unhealthy player is he/ she who's opposite to the healthy player. They dont have limits, refuse to think reasonly and intends to provoke others.

For these players, rules doesnt matter. Their struggles and current life situations reflects on their ingame behavour. Obviously, these players doesnt last too long, but on their way to penalties they'll sadly manage to drag many "innocent" players with them.

In short, some players are just simply bold. For them its normal to behave like they behave (Eventho it's far from socialy acceptable). I believe most of us enter a game light headed, but get provoked to do things we regret by unhealthy players.

WinBoatMay 5, 20172 votes

We need to start banning players for being unskilled, and refusing to communicate. That's the real truth.

Also, people are toxic because they hate to lose. It's just simple as that. Losing triggers them,

AeszarckMay 6, 20171 votes

[{quoted}](name=Captain KIed,realm=NA,application-id=ZGEFLEUQ,discussion-id=gLE9iEzd,comment-id=000a,timestamp=2017-05-05T18:26:38.380+0000)

We need to start banning players for being unskilled, and refusing to communicate. That's the real truth.

Also, people are toxic because they hate to lose. It's just simple as that. Losing triggers them,

Banning Bronze players is so mean and it doesn't really make the game better. It just alienates people who aren't good enough. League of Legends shouldn't be a such a hardcore game that unskilled players get banned, because then we'll lose every single new player as well as every Bronze player.

WinBoatMay 8, 20171 votes

Well, unskilled players alienates other players that are skilled.

Riot should just do away with the banning people or trash talk. There is a mute button in the game, and it's very easy to use. Banning someone for flaming another person is just wrong when there is a mute button. I mean, if someone was telling another person to go off themselves, or something, then sure, but calling people a noob and bad? Sometimes people need to be told that just like your boss at work tells you when you fuck up and dont do this or that, or when a coach yells at his own teammates and tells them to step up their game. Bad players wont get better if they dont realize they are bad, some need to be told that.

Anyhow, I wont get into this whole thing, cause nothing will ever be changed about the ban system and punishment system. People become toxic due to stupidity and players refusing to communicate, and doing stupid things in game. League is a competitive game, not a casual game. So people want to win, a lot of us hate losing. ( I don't mind losses, it's just when my team doesn't listen when we're losing I get triggered) but that's just league in itself, almost every other match, you'll get onto a team where every player has their own little ideas about how to play the match, and refuse to be open to other ideas. I hate split pushers, telling them to group when they keep dying trying to split is annoying, yet they keep doing it, and not get banned for it when they should be.

The biggest bans come from people who are toxic. Not people who troll, intentionally feed, and afk.

Riot should get rid of banning people for being toxic, focus on banning people for intentionally feeding and other trolling methods, bring back the tribal community to judge, not an automatic system (which is actually good) . (Yeah I'm aware, if someone doesn't get banned for being toxic, they will probably resort to trolling in matches as well).

Mr KillalotMay 5, 20172 votes

First, you need to recognize your triggers. What are the specific things in game that make you flame others? Find those and you can begin fixing it. What it boils down to most times is expecting more out of your teammates. I've learned to have the mindset that all my teammates are talentless, brainless plebs. With this it makes my anger much less towards them because I expect it. It goes from "wtf why didn't that retard follow up" to "I shouldn't have expected him to follow up my play". Helps pull the focus of your frustration from your team onto yourself, which will also help you improve as a player. Sure there are some games were you have an 0/8 toplaner and a combined 5/18 botlane, but you expected them to be trash anyways so it's just business as usual.

WrÆthMay 5, 20172 votes

Firstly, I'm glad to see someone else trying to get to the bottom of this as much as myself. I have had issues with tilt in the past, and tend to lash out. I believe that any player that plays and takes this game seriously believes they are good. Maybe not the best, but at least good. Some people try and pin down successful players who are also humble, but I call bullshit. If you honestly don't have any self confidence, then you'll never climb. This is because you will never trust your calls and mechanics, which will lead to inconsistent gameplay. The trick is controlling that self confidence. I've been playing League for quite a while now, and I think I've figured out what causes tilt. Most tilt, believe it or not, is not a player frustrated with other players, it's that player being frustrated with themselves . Low elo players are especially vulnerable to tilting because when they fuck up, they can't seem to figure out how they messed up. They just see the gray screen and the scoreboard. Because of this sense of insecurity, they will often lash out at others, because they are upset that the "perfect player" they thought they were messed up, and they don't know why. High elo players, on the contrary, will be able to deduce exactly what they did that caused their death. They see this as only a setback to the bigger picture, and know how to work through it and play from behind. High elo players also know the importance of objectives>kills. They understand that their death is usually somewhat meaningless. That's my theory on tilt. Sorry for the bad formatting.

o hecMay 6, 20172 votes

I have personal friends IRL that will treat those around them with consideration and respect, then, seeming a whole new persona takes over when a fellow team mate (not part of any sort of pre-made we're in) makes a mistake or is evenly slightly toxic or passive aggressive. I personally feel that this behavior comes about due to several things:

Anonymity
Not relating a team mates behavior with one's own
Not actively identifying the fact that people's play is flawed and differs from other

Those final two points and many other that i believe can be related to this problem fall under a tree that can be called the root of many biases and prejudices:_ Not recognizing the fact that the person you are interacting with is, in fact, a person._ This may seem like an obvious statement, or even a stereotypical one, but i urge you to consider it seriously for a moment. What, beyond common sense, tells you the text in the corner of your screen that you're typing hurtful things to, is just like you? nothing. It is incredibly easy to dehumanize your team mates and your opponents in League, and when you dehumanize something, you don't behave towards them as if they were your equal, or even a being with feelings, reasons for their actions, ect. I believe things like assuming when one is having a bad game that they're "inting" stems from this prejudice, and that it is something everyone is guilty of it.

I do also believe there are a few semi-simple steps and guidelines to prevent this loss of perspective as much as posable.

Practice mindfulness , it is up to you when you are about to do something to second guess your motives. "is this person really intentionally feeding?" "could this person being toxic have had a bad day?" The perspective earned from this can change you view on a situation and help you stay calm in a stressful game and avoid using your team mates as scape goats.
Think of your team mates not by their champion name, but their chosen name. This step may seem arbitrary, and to some extent it is, but for those who have a major issue with flaming or toxicity, it can make a big difference. By referring to them in your mind by their unique name, your are acknowledging the fact that they are a person every time you think of them.
Play with a cool-headed friend in an app like Discord or Skype. At the start of the game ask your friend to tell you when your are being toxic, this step may be difficult or inconvenient as you would need a friend who does not flame others, themselves, and you would need the strength of will not to lash out at them when they point out your behavior.
Simply apologizing. As they say, hindsight is 20-20, so when you say something you know is toxic, apologize, explain yourself, and tell them why you said what you said. After apologizing to someone, few would go on to flame them 3 minuets later.

This has been what I have learned and observed from the behavior of those close to me, and the player base at large, thanks for reading, and i hope this helps you be a positive member of this great community we all share, good luck! [slayer-pantheon-thumbs]

PS- to those who are affected by toxic players in their game: the best way to deal with the tilt or sadness, is to recognize that they are people as well, and that they don't act the way they do for no reason, try to be patient and understanding.

Kitty Cat ToshaMay 5, 20171 votes

I have been on the boards for quite some time, and it's very hard to pinpoint a "why" to flaming. Sure, the superficial reason is "getting frustrated", but why and how people get frustrated - and why they feel like they can't vent it any other way, it personal.

I can't read your mind or speak for you - so why do you think you are flaming and why are you unable to stop?

Kuronii LumiiraMay 5, 20171 votes

I'm a competitive person by nature. I enjoy playing against others as a test of skill, and a competitive environment is one I thrive in. It gets to a point, though, where I wish I could control other players and their actions. Oftentimes, when I give people advice, even worded in a friendly way, I feel like it falls on deaf ears. So, when I'm losing a game by actions that are out of my control, I certainly feel frustrated. Lack of control, and lack of influence bother me. It eventually gets to the point where I go "why are you doing this? Are you really that stupid?". It just ends up feeling like a waste of time to me when I play a game that's a slow crawl to death, since my teammates, in my eyes, refuse to wise up, and also refuse to surrender.

I understand that I can't win every game. I mean...I'd like to think I understand it, but I'm starting to doubt myself. Maybe I feel like I've lost enough that I want to win most of the time. Actually, coming out of this, I went on an 18-game losing streak over the course of some days and various queues. Prior to this ban, I'd been able to win a fair few games, but still lost some as well. Is long-term tilt a thing?

ModThe DjinnMay 5, 20173 votes

[{quoted}](name=Kuronii Lumiira,realm=NA,application-id=ZGEFLEUQ,discussion-id=gLE9iEzd,comment-id=00000000,timestamp=2017-05-05T15:29:14.336+0000)I understand that I can't win every game. I mean...I'd like to think I understand it, but I'm starting to doubt myself.

If I had to guess, part of it might be that you understand that YOU can't win every game, but not that your TEAM can't win every game.

Obviously, 50% of the time you'll be performing below average. It's easy to take those as the "50% of games I should lose."

But remember that, by that logic, between 2 and 3 of some combination of you + your allies are playing below average in your statistically typical game. You may be having an INCREDIBLE game personally, but sometimes other people aren't and it's out of your control entirely -- and it's also not indicative of their normal "skill level," just like your bad games don't show how good YOU can be.

It's also easy to feel like you're the best player on a team, so that people SHOULD listen to you. But let's be frank -- how often do each of us take the suggestions and advice of others as seriously as we want them to take the suggestions and advice we offer? They're probably as frustrated as you are that you're not seeing things THEIR way. Because to them? They TOTALLY had that dive, and just fat-fingered a button, or JUST underestimated how much damage Renekton had.

Is long-term tilt a thing?

Absolutely. ESPECIALLY if you tend towards toxicity, as toxicity in-game often breeds an uncooperative, unsupportive, non-unified team.

ZezockaryMay 5, 20171 votes

I am kind of similar, but when I started to find myself getting frustrated I took it another route. You want to take control of your team's characters and play them all of yourself, but that is impossible. What you should be trying to do is identifying points in your games where you could use your own skills to put your team in advantageous positions, even if that puts more of a burden on yourself and forces you to play better.

For example, you are playing mid and you push an enemy out of lane and they have to B. You could farm your lane and get a huge advantage on your opponent, winning you the lane with almost no contest. That would be great for you, but doesn't help your team much. The other thing you could be doing is looking at your map, seeing which of your teammates needs the most help, roaming to their lane, help them either get a kill or push an enemy out of lane, maybe drop a ward on your way out if they don't have one.

Or, if there are no enemies that are gankable, you could roam down to the dragon or up to the rift herald, ping the shit out of it, ward, and try to get your team to take it with you. Or you could invade their jungle.

Basically, try to snowball your own advantage onto your teammates so that they get more resources and their opponents have less.

Also, sorry to end this on a more sour note but I don't see where anyone else has told you. Typically a 14 day suspension is followed by a permanent suspension. The fact that you got another 14 day suspension is because you decayed a tier since your last one but if you don't show continued reform in the future then you could be permanently suspended from the game very easily. I would suggest unbinding your enter key or hiding your chat if you need to.

Kuronii LumiiraMay 5, 20171 votes

Redirect my efforts with an advantage, and take control of what I can, myself. I see.

And yeah, I've gotten suspensions in the past, so I'm no stranger to them. You're right, however. The reason I'm here is because I -am- worried about reaching that permanent suspension, and I'd rather that not happen. I want to make sure that I can continue playing and with a good attitude so that I can redeem myself, in a way.

paisyMay 5, 20171 votes

You seem like an ok guy but I can't stand baby ragers like you in-game

Moonfall SaberMay 5, 20174 votes

So you're the guy who made him rage.

paisyMay 5, 20171 votes

He makes himself rage

Kuronii LumiiraMay 5, 20171 votes

same

ChønklordMay 5, 20171 votes

It's because you have no self-control or discipline of mind.

DuskDaUmbreonMay 5, 20171 votes

Why? It depends on a nearly countless number of possible factors. It's obviously nothing simple, such as a bad streak, because it's not possible for a bad streak to go on long enough to accumulate a 14-day ban.

I just played games and wanted to win so badly that I was extremely critical of my allies and their decisions.

This indicates…well, quite obviously, that you're over competitive. Being competitive isn't bad, but you need to pay attention to the big picture. Easy to say, I know (TRUST me, I know very well), but it's really all I can say about what to do.

Anyways, you didn't ask what you should do, you asked why you do. As I said, you're over competitive. Could stem from any number of sources. Some incident as a child? Unlikely, but possible. I'm going to say…something wrong now? At home? At work? School? It's May, so Finals are nearby. Would explain a current punishment, but not previous ones. But maybe I'm onto something…I dunno. I'd need a bit more detail, first. I'm assuming you're in college, roughly…22? Age doesn't matter, but a bit of info about your environment would help me pin down why you're toxic.

I may not be licensed, or a therapist, or even studying to be one, but I do have a decent…talent, of sorts, at it. I do love that you're trying to change and become better, by the way!

Kuronii LumiiraMay 5, 20171 votes

Not to split hairs, but I did ask what I could do, and not just why it happens. I'm actually holding a job down right now, no school. I spent 2.5 months jobless while I searched for employment. My relationships and friendships are positive and supportive, so I don't think the negativity could stem from that. As for childhood? Oh yeah, numerous things contribute to an anger problem I know I have, but I've been able to squash it for the most part.

DuskDaUmbreonMay 5, 20171 votes

Oh. You were asking about what to do…Alright. Sorry, I tend to misread longer posts.

Well, besides trying to look at the bigger picture ("it's just a game, and games are meant for fun"), you can also pay attention to the smaller ones. Instead of focusing on your teammates' performances, especially the negative ones (and how your Riven is a boosted animal, as that's a given), focus on your accomplishments. After every loss, I stop and think: "What awesome thing did I do? Did I crush my lane? Do an epic Baron steal? Backdoor a lane and take an inhib, giving us more time?" and things like that. Barring that, I try to just…act nice. Randomly say entertaining stuff, use all of the ":3"s in the game, dance-off with their top, crack jokes, and be in character as much as possible. (Hilarious (and doubly functional) as Kled, since I'm flaming Skaarl for abandoning me in a team fight (preventing me from flaming my actual allies) and yelling at him to bring back my tacos). And, of course, occasionally play Teemo, since little is as satisfying as making 3/5 of the enemy team RQ. :3 Sorry I can't give better advice than "try to be happy", but…well, none really exist, without eliminating the problem entirely.

So, anyways. In a job. Satisfied with it? How long have you had it? May be a source of frustration, but may not be. Depends on the duration and what happened before.

Good to hear that your relationships are good. But could it stem from, instead of a bad experience with a family member or other loved one…one that doesn't exist? Could possibly be frustration in that regard expressing itself. Or perhaps an old, severed bond? Can't say. Hell, for all I know, you've been happily married for 30 years, now.

Anger issues are, well, pretty obvious causes. Squashing it may help, but is it possible you're simply venting in League? If you haven't yet, try to find another way to vent. Hit the gym, or just buy a punching bag (preferably one that looks like Yasuo :3). And, if you're not already, try to see an actual psychologist/therapist. Even if it feels stupid to complain to them about you being toxic in a game, anyone remotely competent will try to help, especially if it's an obvious discomfort. Don't try to tackle anger issues on your own, since they have a nasty tendency to spill over in the worst possible scenarios.

Hell, if none of that works, pick up Yoga or something. It can't hurt (well, unless you fall on your face, obviously), so it may be worth a try.

Champion SkinMay 6, 20171 votes

Well if chat is the problem you could always mute all or try and press chat down and into the corner (don't know if that actually works) Since usually not much of importance is said in chat anyways so not seeing or using chat isn't really much of a loss

Project omenMay 5, 20171 votes

Announcing your acknowledgement of your behavior here is pointless, since your efforts of reforming are for you. You are the only one that can help yourself. Random strangers won't help you. No one here knows you or how your life is going. Maybe you're going through rough times and it's harder for you to be patient and remain calm. In that case, I sincerely encourage you to not open up League. Not because of what you are doing to other people, but because of what the game in general can do to you. Seriously, I've had my mood ruined for the rest of the day because of some kids who like to flame and troll. What I like to do to avoid flaming in chat when a teammate screws up is scream in my pillow or punch the desk to let some of that steam out. If a teammate trolls or flames just ignore him, you will never win the argument if you start typing simply because there is no argument. The last 2 sentences were simply examples for you to get my point. If after all those punishments your can't seem to reform, then you deserve the ban.

Kuronii LumiiraMay 5, 20171 votes

Whether or not I reform sufficiently, I do deserve the ban. Regardless of anything, I deserve this ban and I know it. Sure, the people here are strangers, but some might have a good idea of what I can do for myself. The reason I'm here, asking this question, is because I don't know what I can do for myself. I've tried moderately helpful methods in the past, but I need new ideas.

KynrazeMay 5, 20171 votes

Do you play with friends? or people that you know , frequently? do you guys use voice comms when you play? Probably yes. this can actually be a huge factor. Hear me out:

you're playing with your buddies against a bunch of randoms. your voice comms probably sound something like , " can you go here? ok fight or whatever"... and then " wow this guy is soooo bad. i just destroyed him".... or "this (insert enemy champion) is garbage right guys? did you see what he did earlier? flashed, what a noob. etc etc." .

now skip ahead to when you are playing alone. you're in a classic NA solo Q game your top laner is 0/7, yasuo is fed, you didnt ban lulu, whatever else. since you are in solo q, or perhaps with a duo partner, your outlets to vent are more limited. so, you decide to take it out on your feeding team mate. maybe even without noticing it, just because you are used to using voice comms to flame from behind the scenes, usually without anyone but whoever is in the call with you, hearing it. but you dont have that this time. so you just take it out on everything else around you. and if you are with a duo partner, more times than not he or she is going to back up what you are saying. because friendship. and if you type in all chat, i'd say 90% of the time you are going to get a response, which starts the whole process off again. this just continues from game to game, till it gets so bad you get chat restricted.

my point is, you have to remember where you are and what you are doing at the time. you dont have to stop voice comms with friends, or even change the way you talk with them. just dont let it carry over. if you are in a soloQ game, if someone is tilting you, just resist the urge to type. and if you cant just mute all and focus on pings and your own gameplay. Sorry if this is a bit long. good luck on your reformation. It isnt impossible, its just hard.

HalcyonDwellerMay 5, 20171 votes

Taking a 10 minute break after a loss always seems to help me. By not carrying tilt with me from game to game I let go of stress easier and don't rage as hard.

I usually use the restroom, get a snack and some water, and go outside to stretch my legs and get some fresh air.

xelakerMay 5, 20171 votes

[{quoted}](name=Kuronii Lumiira,realm=NA,application-id=ZGEFLEUQ,discussion-id=gLE9iEzd,comment-id=,timestamp=2017-05-05T15:17:17.072+0000)

What do you think?

you shouldn't play league.

SlimegoonMay 5, 20171 votes

I think your life probably sucks to you and you have a lot of misdirected anger. If you know you're a problem and can't change, it's something bigger than the game. I'd be willing to bet you get very angry in real life when things don't go your way too.

hotarseMay 6, 20171 votes

I suggest medicating yourself if you're having anger issues. It has to do with your brain so take something to chillax. If you're just a kid, then outside of professional help, not much u can do. But if you're of age there are certain substances that you can prescribe to yourself to achieve desired result. Hint Hint, graves has something in common with gamers who have a hard time losing.

xxxDogmanxxxMay 6, 20171 votes

I've only had one account banned. But from that one ban, I've learned how to deal with my anger. Oh don't get me wrong, when I tilt, I tilt off the face of the planet. I'll be fucking screaming, swearing, hitting shit off my table, and generally being a fire and safety hazard to everyone around me.

But I always mute my teammates first, because out of sight is out of mind. If I can't see them in chat, I forget chat even exists. Haven't gotten banned since.

Champion SkinMay 6, 20171 votes

Well you can just start by muting everyone... there usually isn't much useful said in chat (not in my games anyways)

Troll for TrumpMay 6, 20171 votes

The only reason people are ever toxic is because they get tilted, or experience some negative thing in the game. No person is ever toxic at the beginning Something else has caused them to be toxic. What caused THAT person to be toxic was something else, be it from this game or a previous one. People who are seen as toxic aren't (mostly) bad people; the more toxic you are, the more things you probably had to deal with. To demonize all of them and start witch hunting them does not address the issue, and basically creates a prison system of sorts. Some people may get offended easily, some people may get tilted too easily; the combination of these things can to more toxicity.

There really isn't anything to blame, that's how people interact. People interacting isn't a positive thing, but a random one.

The way Riot's system works seems to think that people can be "cleansed" of their toxicity. That isn't how it works, because, as mentioned above, "toxicity" is universal. Everyone is toxic. Everyone on the boards, everyone that plays League, everyone that lives.

The people that don't get banned are the ones who can bottle up their emotions, which is pretty unhealthy. The other solution is to take your emotions out on something that isn't the game, because the game can't read that. The result is playing while drunk, or doing something like this . I do not believe taking things out in real life makes you any better of a person. A person who isn't punished by the system isn't some saint or above those who do get punished. If you go to the PB&M forums, you can see a lot of this kind of behavior, which, ironically, fights for anti-toxicity while being toxic themselves.

Do you see how many people think toxic people are scum, or somehow lower lifeforms, even in this comment section? How that is not toxic, is what I don't understand.

MemevatarMay 6, 20171 votes

I think there are tons of possibilities why you lash out at people. In case you don't want stabs in the dark, pinpointing the problem is crucial. That's why I would like to ask a few questions, if you don't want to answer them, then don't (obviously).

Is this overcompetitiveness specifically in LoL or does this translate to RL, too?
In addition to that, how would you feel about people not performing in a similar RL situation? As an example you could use a relay race or something comparable.
Does this anger only occur in an competitive environment or in a casual one, too? Additionally would this change in a RL situation?
What is/are your overall big goal/s in LoL? e.g.: Have fun, raise your rank, improve, show people your flashy plays, tilt every single human being in champion select by picking Yasuo
Why do you keep on playing even if it apparently raises all those negative feelings?
What did you try so far to change your behaviour?

This Is Your DadMay 6, 20171 votes

The last one is: Do you really consider them as a person or just a champion in a game? Sometimes our lack of real communication desensitizes us and we yell at them as we would inanimate objects.

Fondling GemsMay 6, 20171 votes

Interesting study I learned about recently is that when people's beliefs are challenged their brains react in the exact same way as if they was being physically threatened. In other words if a player gets into the mindset that it is their teammate's fault, then when anything challenges their belief their brain reacts in a very similar way to how it would react if they were faced with an angry bear. This is true regardless of whether or not facts and solid evidence are presented.

Just thought it was an interesting thing to keep in mind: People in a panic can't be reasoned with, you have to calm them down first, and challenging someone's core ideas puts their brain into a state of panic. Just something to keep in mind when dealing with salty/tilted/angry/any people. Your logic doesn't matter, everything hinges on your ability to get them to calm down and relax.

Taste the AcidMay 6, 20171 votes

You are not unique. I hate allowing myself to go down to that level when the toxicity, trolling, feeding and abuse finally get to me. I've been in bronze since I started, and I am never getting out of it. I play amazing support, and even in defeats I usually manage to get A or B marks, and on many champs I actually average A, A+ or even S-.

Bust yourself playing the best you can, you save the ADC ten times in a row, block Cait ult, exhaust Zed that comes to gank your ADC under turret, your midlane or jungler will start flaming you because this mental cripple can't stay alive. 2-3 games like that, and even the last bastions of your good will and motivation will vanish into oblivion, and then you just go in the next games with the IDGAF attitude and just wait for some imbecile without basic mental capacity to read minimap or to CS/ping/SS to say something to you that you can go full ham on him in chat.

The only way to improve, honestly, is when you get into such mood is to just drop the game for a day or two. Get high, get drunk or whatever, pick a buddy and just go play ARAM or the new dark star mode and have a blast.

rework trundleMay 6, 20171 votes

You being willing to change is a huge step. When expanding your post, I was like, another rant about someone who got banned for flaming for one game only.

The worst I've had is 5 days ban. I'm still as toxic and I use the "kys" really, really often. Only at my friends who know it's not an insult, though.

If you're about to yell at your team, type what you have to say in the most non-aggressive way. If your jungler ganks and dies, just type a ":/" or "damn". Just tell yourself, I don't care. If they don't wanna win (which they probably want anyway), it's their problem. Do your thing. Take a deep breath. Show them you're tilted without saying anything. If you get used to do this, your frustration will go as fast as if you said f@ck you garbage jungler, kys. The effect on them is so small they won't report you and recognize they made an error. The effect on yourself is huge. It happened, whatever. You flaming them isn't gonna change anything about what already happened. Let them know they made an error politely/not aggressively, they're probably not gonna do it again.

You don't have to /mute all (I really recommend not to, it feels like PvE to me and anyway you're putting yourself at a huge disadvantage losing the ability to communicate), just accept your teammates aren't the best (or even tell yourself they are utter trash, then get surprised if one wins their lane).

Anyway, good luck, with your determination, it's only a matter of time :)