Boards›Player Behavior

I need some advice for my negativity

Kirbanator·8/1/2018, 6:54:36 AM·16 votes·6,949 views

So recently i have been back to back chat banned for my constant negative attitude. This is something i not only acknowledge, but i REALLY want to get rid of. I have, in short, negative tendencies in and outside this game. When i'm not blaming others, i blame myself. My past has not been kind to me and it can get ugly fast even today. I have gotten better in some respects, but others not so much.

Here is my latest and hopefully last punishment text.

Game 1 Pre-Game

Kirbanator: is jungle riven a good idea?

In-Game

Kirbanator: that riven is not lying Kirbanator: 70 games as riven in ranked Kirbanator: she know's her stuff Kirbanator: ty Kirbanator: nice lucian Kirbanator: this bot lane is ours Kirbanator: omw Kirbanator: aw Kirbanator: gg Kirbanator: fizz and trundle fed Kirbanator: we lost already Kirbanator: having no tank really screwed us Kirbanator: ff Kirbanator: please Kirbanator: 2 towers lost, 2 fed as hell champs Kirbanator: unwinnable now Kirbanator: doesn't matter Kirbanator: u guys are a lost cause Kirbanator: i'm done Kirbanator: thanks for the demotion Kirbanator: why Kirbanator: it's over Kirbanator: just ff Kirbanator: any lead and hope Kirbanator: gone Kirbanator: say yes Kirbanator: you won anyway Kirbanator: so take the win and just end Kirbanator: i know Kirbanator: bronze nid Kirbanator: fed fizz and trundle Kirbanator: it's over Kirbanator: see Kirbanator: ahri left due to our shear defeat Kirbanator: 4v5 Kirbanator: ahri left Kirbanator: easy win Kirbanator: end fast Kirbanator: she knew it was over Kirbanator: like i said Kirbanator: yup Kirbanator: but you have one more player than us Kirbanator: already a won game Kirbanator: ahri left Kirbanator: yup Kirbanator: knew this game was a lost cause Kirbanator: so she took my advice Kirbanator: says the b2 nid who lost top bad Kirbanator: i don't think so Kirbanator: why should i even trust you Kirbanator: for all i know, you madfe her dc to spite her Kirbanator: enjoy the freelo Kirbanator: say thank you ahri and nid Kirbanator: why, she garbo Kirbanator: went nid top and failed Kirbanator: why are you praising her, do you want her losing your next ranked gam Kirbanator: she deserves to die Kirbanator: i know we couldn't win Kirbanator: nah, they are prasing me Kirbanator: about how right i was Kirbanator: insultive? Kirbanator: more like educational Kirbanator: they needed to see how pointless they are Kirbanator: you can't give praise to someone who f's up on purpose Kirbanator: what report? Kirbanator: those aren't insults, but insights

Post-Game

Kirbanator: at least you had a functional team Kirbanator: we had basically brainless apes Kirbanator: and malph, and varus and ziggs Kirbanator: says the afk ahri Kirbanator: lol Kirbanator: then don't play lol Kirbanator: with a crap comp Kirbanator: not hard Kirbanator: get a better comp, and get off ranked Kirbanator: we had that coming, nid was b2 and it clearly showed, ahri was garbo and rage quit, not crashed Kirbanator: only riven me and you were decent Kirbanator: but even then, not much compared to 5 better players vs 3 decent ones Kirbanator: lucian, just know when to quit man

Like i said, i acknowledge i was a negative and toxic ass, but that's not why i'm here. I'm asking for some help in ways that may not be obvious to me.

You may ask something like, why play?, or why have chat open? I play because i LOVE this game regardless, the highs are great but the lows can be annoying. As for not having chat muted, i feel like i miss key information as well as the fact i tend to be curious as to what people are saying.

So my question to you guys is simple, without quitting the game, and without possibley muting chat all the time, how do i fix my negative ass attitude?

I understand that this thread may get downvoted, or me getting flamed, fine go ahead. I just want help to be TRULEY reformed. I want to be a better person in game and in life. I want to go into a game and have hope, because i'm the type of person that could give 2 shits about metas and balance, i play for the thrills of exciting games and plenty of fun times with my champs KogMaw Jhin Caitlyn especially.

**TLDR, I am a Negative Nancy that needs some advice on how to be more positive without quitting the game or always relying on mute all chat. **

TY for reading.

EDIT: TY sooooo much for all the genuine positive advice, i'm happy so many people care and i already am seeing some results. I really appreciate all the comments and want to thank you ever so much. Hope to see you guys on the rift.

"Keep Coming, Not full" KogMaw

43 Comments

Zombie Gerbil8/1/2018, 7:10:23 AM8 votes

I am not going to downvote you. You're here for help and seeking a way to improve. I'm going to my best to provide the help. I am 10 years veteran of this game, with an original account. This account that is. I've seen it all, tolerated it all, and been through it all. I know exactly when the abuse, blame, toxic, flaming, and griefing begins.

First off, this game takes a high amount of self-control. Having a temper in this game is normal. It's how you control it. I for one, I get angry too, in rage if you will, I can tell you I've typed all sorts of toxic, horrible, and intolerable things. But as soon as I type it, I delete it. I breathe in and then I focus on the game. My purpose and I am going to assume your purpose here is to win, to enjoy the adrenaline, and competition of this game. That's my purpose too. That's my key to my self-control.

I normally have one set of music I listen to. A musician that calms me. We all have that genre of music that calms us. I would say find yours. And I know you don't wanna hear it, but yes, the mute function is the biggest key. There's no point in tolerating any sorts of abuse. This is a video game and regardless of our goal, we are here to have fun. Focus on that purpose and mute what you cannot take. No one has to suffer in a video game that is meant to be an escape from reality for us.

I wish you luck.

HalcyonDweller8/1/2018, 5:23:08 PM7 votes

Others have contributed plenty about what to do behaviorally, so I'm going to talk about something different.

Take care of yourself, all the time. If you're sitting down to play league when you're amped up from a stressful day and you're hungry because you haven't had dinner or you're dehydrated because you didn't drink much water during the day... all of these things will make you enjoy the game less and will contribute to you feeling worse if things go sour in-game.

Try to stay hydrated throughout the day, get some good healthy food in you, and try exercising, taking a shower / bath or meditating before you sit down to play league. This way you can mitigate or reduce the impact those factors can have on your ability to enjoy the game. As an added bonus you will likely be happier and healthier in the future as a whole too.

listed things to consider (and what you can do about them):

  • hunger (improve by eating wholesome food, not candy or soda)
  • blood-sugar levels (see hunger above)
  • dehydration (drink water, not soda or juice or alcohol)
  • sleep deprivation (if more nightly sleep isn't an option, try naps. I recommend 10-20 minutes)
  • stress from other parts of your life (shower, bath, meditate, exercise - any of these can help make this more manageable)
Umbral Regent8/1/2018, 7:15:48 AM4 votes

So my question to you guys is simple, without quitting the game, and without possibley muting chat all the time, how do i fix my negative ass attitude?

Negativity and blame isn't exactly my forte (I'm more one to tangle with excessive anger), but I'll do my best to try and help.

As a bit of general advice - if ever you start getting agitated, irritated, dismayed, or anything like that; breathe. Four seconds in, seven seconds out. It sounds silly, but breathing exercises can help a fuckton in stressful situations.

When it comes to negativity, it seems that you focus pretty heavily on the bad side of events, and when you find something, it colors your perception of the whole match. If I may point out a decent jumping-off point for reforming, though;

Kirbanator: that riven is not lying Kirbanator: 70 games as riven in ranked Kirbanator: she know's her stuff Kirbanator: ty Kirbanator: nice lucian Kirbanator: this bot lane is ours

These lines are a perfect opening to work on your attitude. They're affirmations of confidence, and - while it's not as simple as it sounds - those are the kinds of things you should hone in on in a match.

Try to focus on those positive things - "We've got a solid match-up in the sidelanes", "Our Jungler's got their main on lock", "One of us can scale well into late game", "We have better siege/splitpush opportunities", etc.

Again, though - none of this will be easy. It's hard to gear your mind away from negative tendencies into more positive ones, and the allure of things going visibly wrong can be a detestably strong draw.

And, when it comes to blaming yourself, this is another case where you might try to focus on the positives. If you know a Champion well, take confidence in your intimate knowledge of their kit and abilities. If you find it fun to play them, revel in that fun. If you make mistakes or start to blame yourself, promise yourself that you'll do better for it, and bounce back.

I'm not sure how well this all will help, but I'm certain some of it may well make a difference. One last thing, though;

I understand that this thread may get downvoted, or me getting flamed, fine go ahead.

I understand where you're coming from, and the apprehension of knowing just how ready some people can be to rip into others, but, I assure you, your honesty and willingness to make the step forward for change will result in anything but downvotes - and flaming...Well, the Moderators are glad to clean that nonsense up.

MadSeer8/1/2018, 10:37:32 AM4 votes

Since you mentioned it's not only in the game, check out cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) if you can. There's also a study on how CBT helped negative and toxic Overwatch players.

LynXerf8/1/2018, 9:57:55 AM3 votes

Just a quick thought - I picked up on you saying "my past has not been kind to me". While I admit I know nothing about you, I'd like to challenge that thought purely because to me it shows that you have focused on the negative in how you view yourself and your past. How bad have things been? At the very least you have your wits about you (intelligence is something to be VERY grateful for), you are clearly not poor by international standards and you are able to spend your time playing leisurely activities.

Try to focus on what you do have and what great things have happened as opposed to the negative. Life can be a bitch but accept what cannot be changed and half of your frustration will go. Even in the context of this game - you can't choose your random teammates and probability being what it is, you will get on average less trolls and feeders than the other team unless you are one yourself (4 teammates v 5 enemies). It just doesn't feel like it because again the human mind does naturally remember the negative events (remember being unlucky more than you do being lucky).

That entire thought process is a big cause of negativity and frustration so putting things into perspective can really help with your negativity in game. And the moment someone starts being an ass (because again it will happen) just assume the person is a child or having a bad day and use the mute :)

BrokenRayquaza8/1/2018, 11:29:00 PM3 votes

Get a friend who is not toxic and get on vc with them. Everything is better with a friend. I personally enjoy making fun of people on vc with my friends without the risk of them being offended. Also, play some off meta stuff. Whenever I'm tilted I pop into a normal game and play a game of AP nunu or predator Karthus. Or even my main Zoe

Captain Lito8/1/2018, 4:44:32 PM3 votes

Being downvoted for asking honestly about advice? Fuck that shit, take my upvote.

I could go into a long paragraph of advice but Zombie Gerbil did that for me. All I'm gonna say - Treat people like you want to be treated and always, ALWAYS remember that by winning and climbing you're still oneuping the players you want to flame, even without saying anything. Having good mental = less stress & better health as well, even if it's rough at first. Good luck man!

Cavesloth8/2/2018, 3:15:09 AM2 votes

Well stop playing league if league is the cause. Barring that, music is your friend, make yourself an "anti-tilt mix". Music is scientifically proven to have a powerful effect on mood.

GodlyBane8/1/2018, 5:07:56 PM2 votes

crazy how ranked can change someone from an average commenter into a toxic mess lol

Harvest Flax8/1/2018, 5:40:04 PM2 votes

Hey, I used to be very toxic myself. I still get angry sometimes, mainly internally...there's nothing wrong with getting frustrated in an annoying game, but I think the important thing is trying to act differently in the heat of the moment. I don't know if this is the case with you, but sometimes when I /mute all it actually makes me more anxious about what people are saying...I mute people if they seem tilted in the lobby or start saying something negative after a bad play. I know the knee-jerk reaction is to defend yourself or call out teammates who are playing bad, but it ultimately just ends with everyone feeling more angry and playing worse.
You're all strangers in the game, and there's no knowledge of whatever negative things each person is going through. Playing with a buddy or two is required for me to enjoy the game nowadays...if you're playing ranked, maybe playing with a friend you can chat and synergize with would help.
I know someone else here mentioned it, but therapy has been one of the most helpful things for dealing with my own past and emotional problems, and it might help you too. It can take a few tries to find the right person, so don't be discouraged if the first few visits are awkward. Play some normals with friends, try new champions, laugh at your mistakes, remember to breathe, and mute spam pings. I hope I wasn't rambling too much...feel free to add my account too if you want a mediocre toplaner in your games. :p

Raven Redeemed8/1/2018, 6:21:12 PM2 votes

Here's what helps me:

  • I listen to my own music. Music tends to set a mood in your mind so listening to something you enjoy is pretty nice.
  • I mute people or their pings if it looks like someone is going to abuse them. Someone spam mia pings on a teammate twice in a row? They're probably not going to ping anything useful and getting tilted will decrease my performance so I might as well mute them.
  • I tell/remind myself "But that's fine" or "Whatever, it doesn't matter" if I get annoyed by a dumb teammate, unlucky situation, etc. I sometimes get brought down when I hear my friends complaining about something in chat even if they are right to. I don't want to be like that so I sometimes have to consciously forgive the situation. Even if the situation sucks, negativity won't fix anything but it will tilt people (yourself or your team if you're being toxic). Dismiss the negative and try to have fun, it is a game after all.
  • I take a short break. Sometimes I feel like I'm just too tilted by something so I'll play ARAM, some single-player game, or do something else IRL. Giving yourself a reason to feel good like being productive or helping others is a good way to counteract the negativity.

The reason I manage to never flame is because I know it will never help and it can only hurt. Even if I'm mad or annoyed at someone, being toxic won't ever help. If I'm being attacked in chat the best I can do is ignore/mute them as there is not enough downtime in the game to have a logical discussion or argument with someone, especially since so many players try to side-step the logic because they don't want to hear it.

Hope that helps a little.

Morgana Ultima8/1/2018, 9:25:17 PM2 votes

Most of the humans who play this game are little more than apes. I kid you not they're basically gorillas on a computer. There's no point in arguing with them anymore than you'd argue with a dog.

Having some monkey troll in your game is no different than a dog who runs in front of your car. The dog isn't going to learn no matter how much you scream at it.

Just stop. Go edit the game files and remove your chat box. There's no such thing as an intelligent human being on this game. There's no point in ever conversing with them. Trust me.

NekoniClaws8/1/2018, 9:39:21 PM2 votes

Kirbanator: fizz and trundle fed

Kirbanator: bronze nid Kirbanator: fed fizz and trundle

Kirbanator: says the b2 nid who lost top bad Kirbanator: i don't think so Kirbanator: why should i even trust you Kirbanator: for all i know, you madfe her dc to spite her Kirbanator: enjoy the freelo Kirbanator: say thank you ahri and nid Kirbanator: why, she garbo Kirbanator: went nid top and failed Kirbanator: why are you praising her, do you want her losing your next ranked gam Kirbanator: she deserves to die

Kirbanator: they needed to see how pointless they are Kirbanator: you can't give praise to someone who f's up on purpose

Kirbanator: we had basically brainless apes

Kirbanator: get a better comp, and get off ranked Kirbanator: we had that coming, nid was b2 and it clearly showed, ahri was garbo and rage quit, not crashed Kirbanator: only riven me and you were decent Kirbanator: but even then, not much compared to 5 better players vs 3 decent ones Kirbanator: lucian, just know when to quit man

2 options. Stop typing. Or do some math and get over it.

You deserve good teammates every game? No. You should have games like this:

worst player, bad player, OK player, good player, best player worst player, bad player , OK player, good player, best player worst player, bad player, OK player, good player, best player worst player, bad player, OK player, good player, best player worst player , bad player, OK player, good player, best player

That struck, bolded player is your position in your team. As you can see, just from average matchmaking, you are guaranteed to be p***** off at players in almost every game. If you're particularly arrogant, you'll think you're the best player in all your games and see even more people you want to flame.

All you need to do--- in order to never flame, is accept people are bad at this game, and that is fine, because YOU can be as good at this game as you want to be. Who cares about these randos?

SanKakU8/1/2018, 9:53:18 PM2 votes

For one, maybe don't look at third-party websites. For two, don't hate on champion diversity in draft. For three, don't chat about players' ranks in game, there are better things you can chat about. For four, try to confront whoever just fed in a nice way, ask them what they were trying to do or tell them what to do in the future. That way you don't just look at scoreboard with the idea of assigning blame. Think of ways to be diplomatic and get your team to work together instead of tear each other apart.

AMADEUSdotEXE8/2/2018, 12:42:31 AM1 votes

Tip? Yoou want a tip???

https://steamcdn-a.akamaihd.net/steam/apps/524220/header.jpg?t=1532625765

Will drain every last bit of negativity from you and spit it in your face. Also don't hope. Hope only makes it worse.