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Gaming Communities From a Girl's Perspective - Please Read

Oryiah·5/5/2017, 3:55:03 PM·228 votes·18,526 views

Hi there. Before you flame/judge what I have to say, please at least read through a little of it. I'm not doing this to get attention for myself. I don't wanna add anyone or duo with anyone who reads this. I'm trying to give my perspective on a situation that I think sucks. I'm also not claiming to speak for all girls in the gaming community. Just me and a few that I've run into.

I can remember the first time I played this. I was never good at sports in school because I was painfully shy and socially awkward. I suffered from extreme anxiety attacks and I hated being the center of attention. But I always wanted to be a part of a team. League of Legends gave me that without the anxiety or fear. It's been great. But after trying out 3 different communities I just decided to give up on finding one that didn't degrade me or make me feel like less of a human being by people who didn't even know me or give me a chance.

Yes, there are some girls who want to meet guys or get attention on League for an emotional or confidence boost. There are also many, many guys who do this. I can't tell you how many posts I see in a given day from guys looking for girls to play with. But the truth is, most girls who play league just really like the game.

We just want to be able to hang out with you guys and play. Yes, most of you are guys and that's just the way it is. So, we want to be able to joke and trash talk without the insults immediately going to slut jokes or degrading sexual comments. It does make us uncomfortable even if we pretend it doesn't. We're the minority in the community and so it's hard for us to join in on your calls/chats knowing that going in we're gonna stand out. It can take a lot of bravery on our part to try. Trust me. But we want to be your friends and to fit in. Trash talk us about our gameplay or whatever, but please don't degrade us. We really don't want to make it with every nice guy we come across.

I'm not asking you to treat us like delicate little flowers. I'm just asking that you realize that the degrading comments/jokes very often do make us extremely uncomfortable. Yet, if we say so, we're being a "sensitive girl baby whiny typical woman." So most of the time we don't say anything.

667 Comments

AgeOfTheMage5/5/2017, 3:56:37 PM106 votes

I, myself don't care if you're a boy, girl, dog, tree, or whatever, all I care about is having fun with nice people.

DrCyanide5/5/2017, 4:39:20 PM34 votes

As the husband of a shy, self conscious, socially awkward gamer girl, I have to say it sounds a lot like the sentiments I have heard from her over the years. Definitely a mentality I hope changes sooner rather than later, as we've got a little girl on the way (I hope she'll like playing video games with her daddy).

MUSHROOM MIDGET5/5/2017, 4:15:21 PM28 votes

best advice - dont tell anyone you are a girl.

why would you if you dont care about attention? on the internet in general if you say ANYTHING about yourself some people are going to try to use it against you. if you say you are a girl you will think they are sexist. if you tell them they are jewish you will think they are nazis. if you are skinny, fat, black, red-headed, wear glasses, whatever, dont tell them. anything they can latch onto as a way to try to get you upset they will.

its not because the community is sexist. it is because many in the community love to tear people down. and anything you say is going to give them leverage to do so.

ZER0 25/5/2017, 6:33:34 PM15 votes

I used to think that this was bullshit because I never had problems with it myself as a female gamer, but as soon as I created another account that had a female-esque name, I've never been more flamed in my life. Almost every single game someone points out I'm a girl or asks if I'm a girl (and if i say I'm not to try to avoid the situation, they call me a "%%%got" because of the name), and almost every single game I get flamed for it, whether it's by my team or not. Blaming my mistakes on my gender, the enemy team saying it'll be an easy time, saying I'm a waste of a woman because I'm not out sucking dick or in the kitchen, saying they'll find me and rape me, or that they're raping me by destroying me in game, and if I say something about it, then I'm a "triggered" or a "feminist" or a "libtard cuck bitch". I've never seen anything like it, and you're right, it's horrible and it needs to stop.

Want to reform5/6/2017, 12:07:32 AM10 votes

As a girl with VERY many flaming bans (10) i can confirm its when someone judges you over your gender things get bad.

I can stand flaming, feeding, Teemo, whatever - but its the sexual harrassment and objectification that gets to me.

I have this bad tendency of fighting fire with fire, which is the source for every single ban i've recieved.

I've simply given up revealing my gender most of the time. I never speak with people on the internet anymore - all they need is your voice and they start falling in love, fantasizing, etc.

The worst thing is that it is a recurring theme, too. The actually nice guys out there that'll flame you for going 0/8 top all get hidden under the sea of people that'll use sex/gender/pms related insults as the reason for whatever ridicule you recieve.

Take my last ban as an example: a close friend for a year had been cheering me on, giving me advice and comforting me when i tilted. Eventually i managed to climb to Diamond V - (Twinity Ferce was my name).

And here everything turned on its head. He was angry. No, not just angry - straight up toxic. Im not Dia. I dont belong in the same rank he peaked in. Its wrong, i just got really lucky and got carried a lot during my climb through plat 1 and subsequent promition series. Im Plat, not Dia.

After all, i'm just a Girl.

It devastated me. I had finally climbed to the level where i could duo with my mentor figure and he dod this. My focus and performance went to hell. I went from a 87% win rate to 48% in one week. When i fell back to Plat 1 i immediately got back into promotion series - but fell apart when he said "told u you dont belong here" and got myself banned.

That was the last time i revealed my identity or spoke a single word to someone on the internet. Its the only way you'll be treated like just another person - by blending in with the guys.

Of course, as the community consists of mostly male players, once my comment is seen it will be downvoted into oblivion.

After all, i'm just a girl.

Sorry for any potential typos or poor grammar. Typing on a touch phone is not as easy as using a keyboard.

FiddlesOnTheRoof5/5/2017, 4:40:20 PM10 votes

Personally don't think this is exclusive to women. If people knew someone was fat, they'd crucify them for it. If they knew someone was gay, black, weeb, jock, dumb, etc., they'd use it against them. The internet is a vile place because of anonymity. While I feel for anyone who gets flamed like this, it is just the way the internet is. Know that the situation isn't exclusive to women though. Hell I get called a fat, basement dwelling cuck who's never gotten laid, even though I'm 29, have lived on my own for 12 years, and have been with my girlfriend for 5. Don't let them know it bothers you, and they go away. It is unfortunate that you've had bad luck finding communities though. Don't give up! I've built a great network of friends on League over the years. I'd invite you to join, but you're a bronze scrub xD

Jorencice5/5/2017, 4:22:31 PM6 votes

Shenanigans.

We shouldn't have to moderate out tounges because the "women folk" couldn't handle how we talk.

I'm sorry if you listen to pretty much any big group of guys talking on voice comms we spend the entire time cussing at each other and telling insensitive jokes.

Shit just last night my group of friends spent an hour telling dead babies jokes to see who we could get to leave our channel in discord.

EDIT: Just reread your post. Seems like your talking about being hit on.

If someone hits on you tell then to fuck off. Seriously it works. You have to act like one of the men if you want to be treated like one of the men.

In my bigger guilds in WoW we had plenty of females in voice chat. And pretty much every new guy tried to hit on them.

They were quickly shot down and told to die. (Jokingly of course).

To which everyone would laugh at the new guy.

Cremepie5/5/2017, 4:29:15 PM6 votes

Heyo fellow social anxiety kin! Love the post, this is well written and thought out. Even if it falls on alot of deaf immature ears because "that's how the internet operates" , I commend you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I have been playing league with my group of friends, about 4 guys and 2 girls (1 couple) for about 3 years, and we occasionally extend an invite to other cool people we meet in league. What's weird is how often they tend to be shitty people in general, men and women. I just hope that your bad experiences do not immediately sway your opinion of everyone you meet. Wish you luck in the future!

macromite5/5/2017, 5:05:13 PM5 votes

Hi there. Before you flame/judge what I have to say, please at least read through a little of it. I'm not doing this to get attention for myself. I don't wanna add anyone or duo with anyone who reads this. I'm trying to give my perspective on a situation that I think sucks. I'm also not claiming to speak for all girls in the gaming community. Just me and a few that I've run into.

You see the problem with this is that by putting this at the begginning you are setting this as the tone for your statement.

Eternal Torment5/5/2017, 4:22:58 PM5 votes

i have to completely agree with your post, and the funny Thing is infact that compared to the stuff you can see in JUST the boards section, only a minority actually goes into the gender issued discrimination. Yes, it exists, yes, it is very harmful, but let us be real. People are just attentionwhores. NO not you, not you, but the ones addressed in your post. Be it with a girl, a guy, an apache fucking helicopter with 55mm fully automatic twin minigunners and rockets. The league of legends community has, most of all on the globe, grown into the social home for the depravity of humankind, and no, this is not some innuended joke to address riven mains.

It is just sad what this game has become community wise. People suffer from it, i know someone who lost a close friend to suicide because the flame in league to that now deceased Person was so incoherently brutal that the guy actually grew chronic Depression and...well...i dont Need to repeat the results.

League of legends has not only grown into the biggest game in the world, it sadly has also evolved into the most toxic and subhuman community to date. Sure, there are MANY nice people, i often come across people who get told to get cancer and they just smile it through, and im envious of These people, but it also makes me worried for those people. League should be a place for happiness. yes, competivive objectivity based games like League often have an sore part of losers who just get tilted out the ass from losing, but the amount, or the basic is not what makes it terrific and your point a scary fact, it is the sheer extremity of those negative individuals.

People have grown Sexist. people have grown nazistic, fashistic, and as you named it (even thought not literally, but figuretively) desperate.

I think the scariest Thing about your post is that most Readers are not even unaware of the entire indepth of this topic. like, people just know there are jerks who are toxic. but what you know, that most dont, is just how toxic those people can be.

so i respect and Salute to you taking the courage to go into the open with a topic as delicate as discrimination in the most figuretively toxic place on earth.

have my upvote, and my sincere condolesences for having gone through those Things before.

Dextix LT5/5/2017, 9:04:34 PM2 votes

Ill be honest with you,stop bullshiting

I can't tell you how many posts I see in a given day from guys looking for girls to play with.

How many? I have seen 0,because they are not relevant to anyone and you actually have to actively search for them to even find one.

And the next point about the insults. You do not get insulted for being a woman, you get insulted by assholes and they just find things to attack with. If they were insulting a guy, they would use guy related insults and so on. Assholes look for better attacks, thats it.

Want to get my perspective? Stop attention seeking with bullcrap like this. Because this whole "Posts to get girls playing together"shit does not happen in any significant way and insults are tailored by assholes to fit the situation, not because they actually mean something. It is not exlusive to women, and im tired of hearing this bullshit from time to time.

Gaming is not hostile to women, ASSHOLES are hostile to EVERYONE. THATS IT!

Am i being harsh? Yeah, because this is a pile of bullshit.