Diary #1 || A Frustrated Average Joe Playing League of Legends
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So, I'm just gonna post some random things here... just to occupy myself. I like to write, and it helps me remove my tilt. Please don't ask for a tl;dr, because there isn't one.. nor is there any point or purpose to this outside of expressing how I feel.
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I worked up the courage to play this game again today. I didn't think it was possible but I've lost even more today than I did the last two days. I'm now 1-12 in my last two days... I'm not sure what it takes to win in this game anymore. Is it even possible?
I don't know how to vent right now. I feel sad, disturbed, a bit angry, confused, and a huge hatred for playing this game. I've uninstalled this game twice in the past, to cool-off, but I'm at the point where I don't even have anymore rage in me. Every single game is a huge mess where everyone blames everyone else. I do not feel like the players that I'm matched against are any better than me, yet for some reason it seems winning is becoming a less and less obtainable feat. Is it possible to "un-improve"? Somehow I feel like I must be getting worse or something.. how can I lose this much?
For some reason everyone in this game has a burr up their asses where they feel the need to accuse everyone else of "saying their team's holding them back". I don't really think my team is holding me back in the manner that people say that in though... Every single game my teammates seem like capable players in their own right. My team is just lacking in the understanding and compassion to be REAL PEOPLE. Two deaths into my last game, I'm getting accused of feeding and told I'm losing my team the game. I tried to explain to my marksman we had a chance to win 2v2 if they were attacking instead of running away... instead they continued blaming me saying that I forced them to blow heal, and it's my fault, and y'know I should stop feeding. Totally feeding, right?
I've played this game for a long time now.. too long probably.. I always have to deal with this bullshit. I hate muting other people, occasionally I do. A few times I've been chat restricted for getting a little out of line. Overall, I'd say I'm a fairly decent person however. I really only have problems when others start taking stabs at me. Many times I'm mocked and made fun of for being a Riven main. I'm assumed toxic, before the game even starts! Most of my accounts have something to do with Riven in the name.. I've invested seasons and seasons into learning and mastering Riven's mechanics. Hundreds of hours into being able to jump over every single wall, learning how to play safely against counter picks. The instant I get into game with other players however, I'm instantly "cancer", "garbage riven player", "toxic Riven main", and every other barrage of insults that the League of Legends community feels they should throw at me. Oh, and, apparently just because I'm named the Best Ekko NA I guess that means I'm not allowed to lose with Ekko or play Riven right? Mhmmmmmmm. I'd rather be called retarded and told to "kms" by another player than be forced to deal with every person in this game ridiculing me over which heroes I like to play. Seriously, talking trash about MY hard work and effort is the worst type of insult that can be made to me. I cannot STAND when people do it.
I'm so stuck on what I should do. I'm too lazy to uninstall this game again, but I'm not sure I'll be able to contain myself if I keep playing. I've already decided that after preseason I'm never playing another ranked match in this game ever again. My smart friends who play League only seem to play normal, and I'm starting to really wonder... do all the intelligent players only play normal mode? At any rate... clearly I'm not good enough to climb higher than my wood V tier. It's hurts my pride, but after learning every single champion and playing this game for 5 years, I'm apparently only capable of winning 1 out every 12 games.
Ohhhh my gosh, I'm hungry. Foooooooooooood. If only I could feed myself with all those kills I'm giving away to the enemies. o_O
