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Banned. Again.

1sparkbihhh3·7/15/2018, 7:55:05 PM·4 votes·1,794 views

So, a little background, I have a different view of whats funny than other people, you could call it edgy I suppose, but I am no edgelord. Anyways, I have been trying to climb out of Silver, perhaps the worst elo to climb out of besides plat, and I still haven't accomplished my goal. Already that is bad but I stopped thinking I was some prophetic, special player, to get over that fact. In October of last year, I got my first ever two week ban in League of Legends, my first ban in any game I have ever played, and I deserved it. However, it still pains me at the fact that I did get banned for this reason: a nasus, on my team, was flaming me repeatedly, and I was doing my very best, and wasn't even doing bad, I was doing my job as jg like I always try to do. This guy kept harassing me and nobody else, and I called him a f**got and told him to shut the f*ck up. I don't want to justify my actions at all. At the time I was honor level 5 and didn't really type much at all in games, unless I got flamed or someone was toxic to me. I received my ban and after, I kept getting chat restriction upon chat restriction upon chat restriction, and it wasn't until I learned my account was one away from being Permabanned, that I finally quit, and tried to reform. I say tried because now, I can't say I'm reformed. I was 1 month clean from chat restrictions, and bans, etc. and was so close to just hitting honor level 1. Still trash, but for me it was enough, I felt so happy. Then today happens, I have a Sona who throws the game and wanted to FF cuz she put herself behind, goes afk for 5 minutes, and legitimately runs it down mid. If i wasn't banned I'd submit a replay or recording. All this happens, I said kys as a joke, I don't intentionally wish death upon anyone, and even then i understand that shit is pushing it. This player, this sona, got no penalty at all for her actions, but I do. It feels unfair even though i understand fighting fire with fire isn't justified, but at this point it just seems hopeless.

Not hopeless for climbing, cuz I have been doing so pretty damn well this past week. But hopeless for ever seeing even just a Honor Level 2 on my main account ever again. It feels so bad, I don't understand. I tried, genuinely hard to reform and stop being a toxic immature kid, but it doesn't seem to matter anymore. People will afk, troll, and int in my games, have no penalty, but because I type an acronym, I'm the one banned.

I try to hold myself to a higher standard than this, and failing at that hurts more than anything, and another thing that discourages me from trying to reform and get back what I lost from being immature and upset, letting my emotions get the better of my fingers on a keyboard, is the time it takes to get all this stuff back. I want to earn it and I try to be patient but this 1 month passed and I am still not even honor level 1. My second 2 week ban, I'm scared for my account and the money I put into it, but overall I am just disappointed. I don't wanna seem like I'm crying or anything (even though I did cuz it genuinely upsets me that I can't be seen as "getting better" with behavioral issues.) But I also needed to vent and see if anyone agrees with my point on reforming, maybe I just can't handle it, but still, I'm open to any feedback.

TL;DR: used to be toxic, tried to reform, failure, it sucks trying to even reform cuz it takes so long, and too long imo. Sigh send feedback.

19 Comments

Umbral Regent7/15/2018, 8:14:12 PM5 votes

So, first off, I'm gonna be kind of a dick about this, but - formatting. The first paragraph is pretty hard to read through, and the third is a little too thick as well - that said, I assure you that I did read through all of it.

As for your subject; reforming is never any easy thing. Whether it's reforming from general poor behavior or going through rehabilitation for an addiction, whatever the case, the path is always going to be a rough one.

And, if I'm reading this right, you've actually come a fair bit closer to true reform than many others have. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you said you got a 14-day ban, then chat restrictions after that, up until your recent 14-day ban? Or, was your most recent ban a permanent one? If it was a 14-day ban, then, that should actually be a sign that you're doing good to some degree.

Telling someone "kys" generally results in punishment tiers being skipped, so, if you got banned for 14 days...That means you've actually de-escalated to a clean slate before that slip-up. And that's no mean feat.

I would say more, but I want to at least wait until your most recent ban is clarified, 'cause depending on which tier it is, what all else I say may just be for naught.

Imperial Pandaa7/15/2018, 8:16:13 PM4 votes

Length of time varies person to person.

Your humor might be different from others, so you have to realize jokes in bad taste. KYS is not a fucking joke to say though. If you want to say it as a joke then play as a 5 man and keep it in team chat or discord.

To "reform" you really just need to let shit go. Someone playing bad? Oh well, it happens. Someone flaming? Mute them instead of fighting with them. Keep jokes/banter friendly. Pull a sick play as Alistar? Jump in /all and go "Moo!" Hate speech and self harm isn't a joke. If you really feel you need to lash out at your team, say it out loud instead of typing. Keep water nearby to drink when you get salty.

Aneirin7/15/2018, 10:22:03 PM3 votes

I think Pandaa and Regent have made pretty good points already, but just wanted to say I respect that you're putting the effort into changing your behaviour and aren't just trying to shift all the blame to the system. Old habits are hard to break, but you sound like you're really trying so keep it up - find another outlet for your frustration if possible, whether yelling out loud or having a stress ball or something.

[sg-ahri-2]

SirLucsean7/15/2018, 8:17:30 PM2 votes

Depending on your age lad, you got a long way to gone, before you can control your own actions. Allchat should be removed not an option to turn off and on.

disregardable7/15/2018, 8:21:02 PM2 votes

/mute all

never type anything.

that's how I survived my first 2 week ban. I quit the game shortly after, because playing the game that way isn't very fun. but that's the only way I can play without getting banned.

ı Sona ı7/18/2018, 4:50:41 AM2 votes

You're taking the game too seriously. If you aren't having fun then you shouldn't play it. Because you aren't having fun you end up toxic and lashing out. Its just a game, and sometimes you don't get the best teammates. Remember when you started out and you made all the wrong moves. Sometimes you get paired with others just as new.

If you start every game with "Lets have a great game everyone! :D" you'll do better because it programs your mentality throughout the rest of the game.