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What would you have recommended in my situation?

Reaper Review··10 votes·2,019 views

I know this is pretty far after-the-fact, but I asked this in one of my conversations with Riot Support, and I wanted to get some input from other players on it.

If you've read my posts, you've probably heard me mention having a 'unique case'. Well, I figured I'd elaborate on that in full.

Here's my chat log for starters. Before you go telling me it's a fully deserved ban, yes, I'm already aware of that. I HAVE been banned for ~2 months now, after all, and have accepted that it was my own fault. I'm not trying to cast blame on anyone or anything else.

Game 1 Reaper Review: yeah, well... idk Reaper Review: prob shoulda gone mana regen, but NLR good Reaper Review: burned Reaper Review: you died to dft Reaper Review: i don't bm people Reaper Review: i just like puns Reaper Review: at least it's nunu and not Jhin Reaper Review: YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M DONE. SCREW THIS PIECE OF TRASH GAME. KILL YOURSELVES. ALL OF YOU JUST KILL YOURSELVES Reaper Review: ALL MY FRIENDS ARE GOLDS OR HIGHER. I CAN'T STILL BE DYING TO TRASH ELO RETARDS Reaper Review: ALL OF YOU CAN GO HANG YOURSELVES. I AM DONE BEING MOCKED BY YOU PIECES OF TRASH Reaper Review: I'VE HAD IT. HAD IT WITH ALL OF YOU. I HOPE YOU ALL CONTRACT CANCER, CHOKE, AND DIE IN YOUR SLEEP Reaper Review: WHY Reaper Review: WHY AM I STILL LOSING SO HORRIBLY TO ABSOLUTE RETARDS Reaper Review: i have very bad self-confidence problems Reaper Review: nothing matters. i ruined this game for all of you. Reaper Review: EVERYONE REPORT MY SORRY RETARDED FEEDING ASS, OKAY? JUST REPORT ME AND GET ME BANNED FROM THIS GAME Reaper Review: I DON'T DESERVE TO PLAY IT Reaper Review: SEE, ONLY AN ABSOLUTE MENTALLY-DEFICIENT RETARD LIKE ME WOULD LOSE AS BRAND Reaper Review: AND MY RETARD ASS DIES YET AGAIN Reaper Review: I. AM. DONE. WITH. YOU. PEOPLE Reaper Review: YOU CAN ALL CHOKE, BURN, DROWN, SUFFOCATE, AND HAVE YOUR HEADS SMASHED OPEN AGAINST A COLD STEEL PLATE Reaper Review: and i still fail to get kills Reaper Review: well, it only took 40 minutes, but i finally burned out my rage and entered clarity mode Reaper Review: NO, SCREW IT, FORGET THE STUPID CLARITY. YOU CAN ALL KILL YOURSELVES AND YOUR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS Reaper Review: I HATE ALL OF YOU. ALL. OF. YOU.

Game 2 Reaper Review: i'm only down 4 cs Reaper Review: better than my usual Reaper Review: YOU KNOW WHAT. SCREW THIS GAME. I'M DONE. LOSING TO A GOD DAMN HURRICANE RUSH CAIT. Reaper Review: YOU CAN ALL GET CANCER AND KILL YOURSELVES. FREAKING KILL YOURSELVES. Reaper Review: I'VE HAD IT WITH ALL OF YOU GOD DAMN PIECE OF TRASH RETARDS Reaper Review: losing to a piece of trash hurrican rush caitlyn Reaper Review: OH LOOK, I FAILED TO 1V1 AGAIN Reaper Review: SO I'M WORTHLESS NOW. I WOULD'VE BEEN WORTHLESS EITHER WAY Reaper Review: JUST SCREW OFF Reaper Review: by which point the game will be over Reaper Review: SCREW THIS RETARDED PIECE OF TRASH GAME. YOU CAN ALL KILL YOURSELVES. FREAKING KILL YOURSELVES Reaper Review: I HAVE HAD IT WITH BEING A WORTHLESS SACK OF GARBAGE AT EVERYTHING I DO Reaper Review: YOU TRY BEING ME FOR A DAY AND BEING A COMPLETELY DEPLORABLE PIECE OF TRASH

Game 3 Reaper Review: what a fight Reaper Review: YOU KNOW WHAT, REPORT ME. I SUCK. I FAILED. I'M AN AUTISTIC PILE OF GARBAGE Reaper Review: i'm sick of this. sick of losing. sick of failing. Reaper Review: great. everyone has a kill except me. Reaper Review: i suck. report me. i'm an autistic piece of garbage failure Reaper Review: YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M DONE. REPORT ME. I'M DONE. I'M TRASH. GOD DAMN AUTISTIC RETARDED BOTTOM-FEEDING TRASH Reaper Review: oh, Gnar's just fed and going to kill us all because i failed lane Reaper Review: i still have the worst kill participation on my team Reaper Review: ALL OF YOU KILL YOURSELVES Reaper Review: CHOKE YOURSELVES AND DIE

...I still feel physically ill when I re-read that. I'm not afraid to post it, though, because it happened and I can't do anything about that now. Better to own up to it than pretend I was wronged somehow, right?

Anyways, I want to point out certain parts of that. Notice all the "I" and "me" statements. That's my complete lack of self-esteem becoming apparent. After a point, though, all that negativity boils over and I start indiscriminately yelling at other people if it gets bad enough. You can tell because it's not actually directed at any one person in particular. Other people don't bother me at all, in fact I generally think higher of them than of myself.

Having said this, how do you think I could have properly handled my situation?

  • Mute the offending players? The offending player was myself, though, and as far as I'm aware I can't mute myself. Nobody else was setting me off or antagonizing me. It's rather hard to avoid typing when my hands are already on the keyboard as well, since that's kinda required to play League?

  • Build up some more self-confidence? I'd have to do this by playing League. My punishment tier wouldn't go down without playing the game, so I'd have to bite the bullet and play to make progress, which means putting myself at risk of this happening again and escalating myself to permanent ban.

  • Don't play League? I've actually tried this, but I've found it very hard to leave the game when it's what brought me together with nearly all the friends I have today. I didn't directly play with them often because I was intimidated by how much more skilled they were, but I probably should've sooner. Maybe then I wouldn't be in this boat where I literally can't play with them anymore.

I think that's about it. Assuming I had asked for help with my situation before my ban, what would you have recommended?

Oh, I also learned the dates at which I received the 4 tiers of punishments.

It was also explained to me by the staff member I was speaking with in the support ticket that, like the Hextech rewards, descending the punishment tiers doesn't have a set time frame. It runs off showing consistent good behavior, and I presume not being reported.

This means that, at the 2-week suspension stage, you HAVE to basically reform yourself instantly and perfectly, because you can't just wait it out or anything. My particular case, I wasn't going to ever get out of my funk without playing, which meant I probably tripped up and got a few reports here and there. I basically had to set myself up for failure and then kinda hope I didn't fail.

Hey again,

That is something I can definitely help you out with! I'll outline all the steps your account went through below:

10 game chat restriction, October 24th 25 game chat restriction, November 3rd 2 week suspension, November 7th to 21st Permanent suspension, February 5th

I've heard this 3 months guess thrown around by a lot of players, and I'm not sure where it came from, but that's not quite how it works. Depending on the level you're at, the amount of time it takes to decay changes significantly. Higher tiers require a longer amount of time and more games played for the status to be adjusted. This is just an example so don't take it as an accurate representation, but a 10 game chat restriction could take only a week or 2 to wear off, while a 2 week suspension could take several months since it's the harshest punishment there is (prior to a permanent ban anyways).

Additionally, the amount of time it takes can be shortened or extended depending on the player's behavior. If a player has 10 games with good behavior for example, and then has 1 game of bad behavior, this could revert the progress made by those other games and keep the player's account in a state of negativity limbo.

While it is possible for an account to skip tiers and just jump to a permanent suspension, your account was escalate from a 2 week to a permanent one in this case.

Hope this helps to clear everything up for you. :)

Agent Spoopy Player Behavior & Game Support Candy Collector ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Once again, I might just be looking back at this the wrong way. I'm just not sure if I had any reasonable solutions at that point.

61 Comments

ModAttysu The Poro2 votes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nf-1Ao6XWjM

Other then that? I'd say just mute offensive people.

Grashnim2 votes

Technically, you can still chat, you just don't see it.

ModAttysu The Poro1 votes

True, but not seeing chat will make you forget it's there, or take you off tilt because you don't see anyone criticizing you.

Reaper Review1 votes

{quoted}

True, but not seeing chat will make you forget it's there, or take you off tilt because you don't see anyone criticizing you.

The person criticizing me was me, though. Like I said, I can't mute or block myself.

Getting rid of the chat window completely could also have some gameplay consequences, as well.

ModAttysu The Poro1 votes

Ah, then idea! This is what my friend does.

Whenever she's mad, she types whatever she wants, but instead of hitting enter, hits escape. It doesn't get sent but she still vented the frustration out.

Reaper Review1 votes

{quoted}

Ah, then idea! This is what my friend does.

Whenever she's mad, she types whatever she wants, but instead of hitting enter, hits escape. It doesn't get sent but she still vented the frustration out.

That would've been a good solution, yeah. Wish I'd thought of it sooner.

Nowadays, like I said, I don't actually have this problem much, if at all, anymore. This thread was more about proving a point about opening up about one's problems. I don't want to see people get banned when they're perfectly capable of asking for help with what troubles them.

(Granted, I think I'm a rare case where what's troubling me isn't "the feeding botlane" or whatever.)

Erdrik1 votes

You could also remove the enter key from your key board.

Maybe even direct your anger at the enter key itself? Rip the sucker out and throw it across the room.

I dunno if it would work, but I imagine it could be cathartic, and then your enter key is on the other side of the room.

Which would make using chat a bit difficult.

Reaper Review1 votes

{quoted}

You could also remove the enter key from your key board.

Maybe even direct your anger at the enter key itself? Rip the sucker out and throw it across the room.

I dunno if it would work, but I imagine it could be cathartic, and then your enter key is on the other side of the room.

Which would make using chat a bit difficult.

Not using chat at all is only a band-aid fix, though. It may have helped in the short term, but it's not actually fixing the problem at its source.

Also, you can still press Enter without the key being there, at least on my keyboard. It has little nubs under the keys, and removing THOSE would make it a bit difficult to fix when I wanted to use messengers or forums.

Denavai2 votes

Don't use chat. Use ignore. It's the new Riot.

Reaper Review4 votes

{quoted}

Don't use chat. Use ignore. It's the new Riot.

*Don't use chat to antagonize people or vent your personal frustrations.

Reaper Review2 votes

Remember, everyone: This forum can and will offer help with your problems if you're willing to let them.

Reaper Review2 votes

I guess the last bit of advice I can give is "don't let yourself become what you hate".

I don't know if I'll be able to get this account to level 30. I hate to admit it, but it just isn't fun like this, and I have to force myself to keep playing. Only this time, I'm not grinding to 30 with any friends like I did the first time.

It's gotten to the point where I consider my continued attempts to get another chance to be a more fun endeavor than playing a new account. There's just nothing I've come to enjoy about the game available to me, and it won't be for a good while unless I feel like paying more money. I already paid a good amount once before, and I just can't force myself to do it a second time. I'd be paying to make the game bearable rather than enjoyable, and I just don't approve of doing that in a free to play game.

hh the thinker1 votes

for your first idea of not typing, i would recommend switching the enter key to something else randomly or even get someone else to switch it for you without telling you what it is and you not looking for it. you can also move the chat and decrease the size of it.

for the second point, you aren't just under confident with the game, and in the rare case that you could be, you can focus on the game, and zero on chat and what others may say. if you have to say something, say it out loud instead. try pushing your comfort zone or play with friends. try new things that would scare you.

for the third idea, take many breaks. take a break between every game, win or lose, hard or easy. just force yourself to take at least an hour break.

you know what you typed was bad and earned what you got, which is good. it's a step in the right direction. if you make another account, try all of these ideas at the same time. talk to people and try to relax. how good you are isn't hugely important, try to see that if you can.

Reaper Review1 votes

[{quoted}](name=hh the thinker,realm=NA,application-id=ZGEFLEUQ,discussion-id=Ub8jN0Gc,comment-id=0001,timestamp=2016-04-10T02:13:39.028+0000)

you know what you typed was bad and earned what you got, which is good. it's a step in the right direction. if you make another account, try all of these ideas at the same time. talk to people and try to relax. how good you are isn't hugely important, try to see that if you can.

The sick irony of this is that so far, at the point I'm at in my new account, I've lost seven PVP matches in a row now because I'm not good enough to compensate for the wild variance in skill levels due to smurfs pre-30. I've kept a lid on my emotions thus far, though, which is progress, but the game is very rapidly becoming unfun for me in every other regard.

For the record, I was level 15 when that loss streak began. I'm now a little over halfway to level 16.

The rest of your critique is very spot-on, though. Glad to see people are getting the point of this thread, and hopefully others use it as an example of trying to reach out before things get too bad.

hh the thinker2 votes

[{quoted}](name=Reaper Review,realm=NA,application-id=ZGEFLEUQ,discussion-id=Ub8jN0Gc,comment-id=00010000,timestamp=2016-04-10T02:17:24.877+0000)

The sick irony of this is that so far, at the point I'm at in my new account, I've lost seven PVP matches in a row now because I'm not good enough to compensate for the wild variance in skill levels due to smurfs pre-30. I've kept a lid on my emotions thus far, though, which is progress, but the game is very rapidly becoming unfun for me in every other regard.

For the record, I was level 15 when that loss streak began. I'm now a little over halfway to level 16.

The rest of your critique is very spot-on, though. Glad to see people are getting the point of this thread, and hopefully others use it as an example of trying to reach out before things get too bad.

progress, no matter how slow is still progress. since you were winning a lot on your smurf, you have raise the mmr fairly high. the losses will lower the mmr a bit so that will make the future games easier again.

if you find the game unfun at any point, take a break and do something else that you do enjoy. it can be anything in the world, just do something you enjoy for a bit.

i do wish you the best of luck on this.

Anomander1 votes

Control yourself or don't play.

Reaper Review1 votes

{quoted}

Control yourself or don't play.

In order to learn to control how critical I am of myself in a competitive environment, I need to be in a competitive environment.

Just ignoring the problem isn't something I like to do. I was coddled too much as a kid because that's how people are when you have autism, so now I have a lot of catching up to do.

Jalkan1 votes

Criticize yourself irl and don't type it in chat.

Truly Prideful1 votes

Keep a notepad document open during games. Anytime you need to vent or say anything self-destructive, drop it in there. You still get to say it to help yourself vent, but it won't get you in trouble or ruin the chat for your teammates.

I do this, granted not because I'm toxic or anything. I just prefer to keep myself only staying positive and this helps me. Something negative at all? - Notepad it. Don't need to do it quite as often anymore either.

Reaper Review1 votes

{quoted}

Keep a notepad document open during games. Anytime you need to vent or say anything self-destructive, drop it in there. You still get to say it to help yourself vent, but it won't get you in trouble or ruin the chat for your teammates.

I do this, granted not because I'm toxic or anything. I just prefer to keep myself only staying positive and this helps me. Something negative at all? - Notepad it. Don't need to do it quite as often anymore either.

That's a neat idea too. I've just been typing to one of my Skype friends who knows that I have a tendency to vent and lets me do it.

Of course, now I'm kicking myself for not having made this thread before I got banned...

Truly Prideful1 votes

Hopefully it helps, at least you're actively trying to improve things. The biggest thing to keep in mind no matter what, it's just a game. It's not worth getting overly upset about, even if it's a horrid game use it to alter your build or understand what went wrong. When you take the game too seriously, it just feels like you're more prone to getting worked up over the little things.

Reaper Review1 votes

{quoted}

Hopefully it helps, at least you're actively trying to improve things. The biggest thing to keep in mind no matter what, it's just a game. It's not worth getting overly upset about, even if it's a horrid game use it to alter your build or understand what went wrong. When you take the game too seriously, it just feels like you're more prone to getting worked up over the little things.

Yeah, I've been telling that to other people since.

It's nice that I've done more to reform than the average banned player, but it really doesn't amount to a lot. I have so much pent-up frustration from how insufferable a lot of people can be down here, which for me is saying something since I generally don't have any contempt for people.

How do so many players down here have such over-inflated egos? I'm not even good at rallying or shotcalling, so there isn't much I can do to try and save games.

Reaper Review1 votes

Continuing my adventures in leveling up a new account, I've learned that the hextech system is out to troll me.

Last night, I played a match as Illaoi. Our mid AFKed about 10-15 minutes in, but we held out for about 43 minutes before losing. I ended the game with an S- rank, but of course didn't get anything for it because I don't own Illaoi, so I got the "you need to own this champion" message on top of the defeat banner.

I'm already aware that that's how Hextech works, but it still stings to finally get an S rank after so long, and on a defeat no less, and get nothing for it.

I swear the more reform I try to show, the more this game trolls me.

Edit: Oh boy, both Jhin AND Aurelion are free to play this week. Blind picks are going to be SO fun.

Reaper Review1 votes

I really don't want to quit this game. I really don't, but it's only hurting me at this point.

I just can't take this anymore. All my effort, all I've put into reforming myself, it's amounted to nothing. I'm set back 3 years of progress, won't ever have my account fun to play again within any reasonable time frame without spending hundreds of dollars to get all the champions I like playing (which is a lot of them, I don't really have any particular favorites or mains), and all I can do is just watch my friends continue playing and enjoying all this game has to offer.

I'm not even really a better person for all this effort. I've ALWAYS been this outgoing and willing to help others, it just got smothered by my lack of confidence at this game. In the end, I wasted all this time, money, and effort on absolutely nothing. I've only left myself completely miserable for it.

I hope you all continue to enjoy League. I'll just... I don't even know what I want to do anymore. I'm physically and mentally worn out at this point.

REAPER REVIEW Today at 15:28 Hello, this is Reaper Review, banned player circa 2 months ago. I'm writing to you once again because I haven't given up on my bid to show how much I've improved myself as a person, and because I want to distinguish myself from the many players I see make threads calling your company out on their own bans.

The more of those threads I see (which sometimes result in the thread creator getting 'smited' by player behavior specialist Rhojin, who is a great person by the way), the more it bothers me that people who don't learn a thing continue to justify the ban system's existence. I feel like someone like me who has actually gone to great lengths to show personal growth after the fact is left out in the cold because of their actions.

I was told in my previous ticket, which was a very engaging conversation with another PB specialist Agent Spoopy, that I'm welcome to rejoin the community by making a new account, but I take issue with this for a few reasons.

  • First and foremost, the fact that this option is available to anyone regardless of any level of reform. I understand that there's nothing you can really do about that directly, though. (For showing good behavior, I can avoid getting my new account punished, yes. That's only a small consolation considering the massive uphill grind to make the game enjoyable again, though.)

  • Second, those less reputable players who swear 'revenge' for their bans can have a merry old time ruining the game for new players and just making pre-30 a miserable place for new players. Meanwhile, the rare individual who just wants to enjoy the game again like me has to take the brunt of it, and can't meaningfully combat them. (I could report them, but let's be honest. Even if they get punished, they can just make more accounts, and if they're angry, you bet they will.)

  • Third, I've been told to make the game more enjoyable by playing with friends or playing the occasional ARAM game. The former is a problem because my friends are all level 30, which wreaks havoc on the matchmaking considering my new account's only level 17. The latter's a problem because ARAM has become a new home for account bots with the removal of Dominion, and as any player can attest to, playing a match with bots isn't fun.

  • Fourth, hextech crafting. I've also been told that it's a way to earn content quicker to make the game more fun. Problem is, good behavior's only half the battle. I'm not a terrific League player, so I don't exactly get S ranks with any frequency. I've been told to combat this by queuing with friends who ARE good enough to get S ranks so I can get boxes from them, but again, this messes with matchmaking since said friends are, again, level 30.

My issues with that aside, my personal reform. As I'd mentioned and discussed at length in my previous ticket, plus various forum threads, I actually went the extra mile to find the exact source of my problems and confront them directly. I've had more than a few well-behaved players give me their confidence in my ability to succeed after reaching out and explaining not only why I was at fault, but how I can take steps to prevent it, and also make things better for others.

The most recent thread (first one on the list below) in particular explains my somewhat unique situation, and how the conventional means of combating toxicity that people always cite wouldn't have done any good. "Mute the ones trying to set you off and report them" doesn't work when nobody else is actually doing/saying anything to you.

http://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/player-behavior-moderation/Ub8jN0Gc-what-would-you-have-recommended-in-my-situation

http://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/player-behavior-moderation/oInEsBOj-community-appeal-system-rough-draft

http://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/player-behavior-moderation/PaGIKEf4-i-cant-keep-up-my-efforts-to-help-others-anymore

http://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/player-behavior-moderation/GQ2r26n0-psa-before-making-an-i-was-banned-for-toxic-behavior-thread

http://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/player-behavior-moderation/L76T1Taa-from-a-banned-player-thinking-about-your-actions

I firmly believe, and I think many people who have seen my threads would agree, that I've at the very least earned consideration for another chance. I want to be able to show that reform at this point CAN still have meaning if you work hard enough, and that people don't just have to swear revenge and undermine the system.

A comment made by Rhojin recently inspired this thought process:

http://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/player-behavior-moderation/VAUZnFAR-account-banned-after-7-years?show=flat&comment=00050002000000000003

Rhojin (NA) - 2 days ago You go from asking if there is anything you can do to get your account back to threatening to ruin games on four other account as revenge for being banned within ten minuets. Why would we consider a second chance when you're continuing to display negative behavior on the boards?

Shouldn't it thus be possible to be considered for a chance by displaying overtly positive behavior, as I've been doing for the better part of a month now? This chance should be available to anyone who actually shows they mean it about their reform, though I'd still say it should only be given once more. Don't want people abusing it, after all.

I'm well aware that if such a chance were given to me, I'd still be on the last punishment tier. That and re-earning the ability to do hextech things just give me a goal to work towards with my new-found outlook on myself and the game.

Also, on an unrelated note, could you possibly shed any light onto why I've been unable to access the on-site match history at all, on any browser? Trying to play on my new account has been doubly annoying when I'm unable to review my own stats after games (even when I'm logged onto the site using that account).

I thank you for taking the time to read all this. I haven't given up on this yet because giving up on myself is what soured my attitude and led to my ban in the first place, and I'm not going down that road again.

(Also, being completely honest again, the fact that URF mode is returning is one of my biggest motivators.)

Avatar WOBBY JIBBLER Today at 17:31 Hello Reaper,

I appreciate you giving us this feedback, but we have already had initiatives like this in the past and they failed to properly address toxicity. We do not have any initiatives for the recovery of permanently banned accounts or a deal to buy back access. The actions that were taken in this case justified the suspension and we will not be making an exception in this case.

We will not be changing our stance against toxic behavior, and will not be unbanning this account under any circumstances. Since you have been given the context for this decision in a previous ticket, I will be considering this issue closed.

Best of luck,

Wobbyjibbler Player Behavior Specialist Professional Axe-Juggler

Reaper Review1 votes

This post should be a status update on how my new account is coming along.

I'm still pretty down on myself. Turns out, when your problem is a lack of confidence, losing your account and then losing all sorts of normal games on your new account does not help you get your confidence back.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm now even MORE of a nervous wreck than I was before being banned. I'm just better about not showing it in game unless I'm under particularly extreme duress.

Ada Wong1 votes

TYPE / MUTE ALL

Play the game this takes care of toxicity, and Don't Type.

I have a strict stance in MOBA's (And I will mute everyone in any MOBA, and File Reports for the following.)

1.) Either you know what you are doing or you don't.

2.) If you argue with me in a MOBA make sure its a (VALID Debate) if I disagree you just got the entire team muted. 3.) If you say anything toxic I type /mute all.

4.) I am always right, argue that I /mute all, Obviously people will argue over this one but in a MOBA you don't argue with me PERIOD unless there is a valid point I don't want to hear stuff that I deem invalid for example, nonconstructive things like.

. Stop Feeding . Arguing over summoner spells . Arguing over Feeding when they are the cause / fault with each-other . Invalid use of Pings ( I will turn off my sound.)

In General I shouldn't have to mute anyone and if I have to then you have just been toxic, and that is good enough to file a report generally unless its actually toxic I won't go out of the way to file a report on someone just over little things but will still mute them and focus on the game.

Reaper Review1 votes

[{quoted}](name=Ada Wong,realm=NA,application-id=ZGEFLEUQ,discussion-id=Ub8jN0Gc,comment-id=0012,timestamp=2016-04-18T22:59:12.236+0000)

text

Other people don't bother me. I bother myself, and once again, I can't mute myself.

Nearly all of the advice people give about handling toxicity literally doesn't apply to my situation. Self-deprecation born of a lack of confidence, that eventualy boils over into indiscriminate anger.

I needed to solve that by getting my confidence back. To do that, I had to play the game, thus risking getting banned if I got too angry again. Which, naturally, ended up happening after about 3 months.

Now I'm falling apart even more trying to level a new account with very limited resources. I don't have a job anymore, so I have no disposable income for getting any RP. Pre-30's become a more volatile environment than ever before, and I can't shotcall or rally my teams to victories.

It's just an extremely long and painful grind that feels like it has no end. I want to get to the point where this game is enjoyable again, but it's so far away.

Ada Wong1 votes

[{quoted}](name=Reaper Review,realm=NA,application-id=ZGEFLEUQ,discussion-id=Ub8jN0Gc,comment-id=00120000,timestamp=2016-04-19T01:11:04.871+0000)

Other people don't bother me. I bother myself, and once again, I can't mute myself.

Nearly all of the advice people give about handling toxicity literally doesn't apply to my situation. Self-deprecation born of a lack of confidence, that eventualy boils over into indiscriminate anger.

I needed to solve that by getting my confidence back. To do that, I had to play the game, thus risking getting banned if I got too angry again. Which, naturally, ended up happening after about 3 months.

Now I'm falling apart even more trying to level a new account with very limited resources. I don't have a job anymore, so I have no disposable income for getting any RP. Pre-30's become a more volatile environment than ever before, and I can't shotcall or rally my teams to victories.

It's just an extremely long and painful grind that feels like it has no end. I want to get to the point where this game is enjoyable again, but it's so far away.

That is just the problem if you find yourself going off on people, then that is something you are going to have to learn is how to shut the F*** up, when trolls bait toxicity, or Feed like dumb-ass players which to me feels like 99% of games in Solo Queue or bronze, even Gold 3 players I played with in Silver 1 a couple of seasons ago being just as bad as a bronze player if not worse when I managed to make it there before losing ranks.

You have to come up with the attitude " I used to get upset at idiots" I still get upset at idiots I still wan't to just kill the players who are flat out dumb, but the only thing that keeps me from going off in games is "I don't care This doesn't mean you don't play your game it simply means "You don't care if you lose the game" you accept it before you play that you have already lost before the game even starts and you play the game.

If players get Toxic then you /mute all, and you still play if they rage in chat then that gives you the right to report them for "Verbal Abuse", if they "Intentionally Feed" or Role Steal, keep reporting them, eventually they will be the ones getting banned and likely punished by league, not you.

Yes its hard to deal with this game filled full of Zombies who need to eat more brains but every MOBA is like that and the only way to avoid this is making a full pre-made team of 5 players and kicking off those who don't fit.

Personally what makes me respond to toxicity is seeing toxicity, and if I can just mute everyone and not see it like I do I don't talk anywhere like I used to.

OF Course there are things like yesterday getting a 2 week ban because a player steals my role, and leaves the game totally ruined and unplayable I got banned for feeding by the automated system, not for raging in chat because everyone was muted, which gives the game more chances to be looked into than if I was yelling at people in chat.

AJStarhiker1 votes

I think I remember you saying you dislike ARAMs (and forgive me if it was someone else), but those can be a decent place to level from behind 'breakpoints' (keystone masteries, T3 runes). The random factor in champion select means no one really expects you to be playing your best champion, a long game isn't going to keep you trapped for most of a hour, and they now qualify for champion mastery and hextech rewards. It's also generally the lowest pressure PvP format.

(I'll try to get on later, but probably not w/skype)

Reaper Review1 votes

{quoted}

I think I remember you saying you dislike ARAMs (and forgive me if it was someone else), but those can be a decent place to level from behind 'breakpoints' (keystone masteries, T3 runes). The random factor in champion select means no one really expects you to be playing your best champion, a long game isn't going to keep you trapped for most of a hour, and they now qualify for champion mastery and hextech rewards. It's also generally the lowest pressure PvP format.

(I'll try to get on later, but probably not w/skype)

Pre-30 ARAMs have a slight botting problem since the removal of Dominion. I actually like ARAM, but not when it's a coin toss whether the teams even have 5 players or not.

(Having a limited champion pool also makes it not feel as much like ARAM as it should.)

Reaper Review1 votes

This is really not worth it. At the rate I play the game, I won't have even a remotely decent number of champions and/or runes for about two years.

I'm not buying RP to get champions because that's exactly what Riot wants me to do. I already have an account with a ton of money sunk into it, I'm not sinking more into another one.

Even if my defiance is only serving to annoy myself and nobody else.

Reaper Review1 votes

I'll just be using this thread to post my thoughts in from now on. It's nice to get them out in writing/typing, easier for me to think on them that way.

I'm pretty sure my new account has a sub-30% normal win rate by now. I just don't know how I'm supposed to have fun at this point. Playing the game to have fun's one thing, but it stops being fun after so many losses.

Like last night, I had a game where I had to support an "ADC" Azir who started Dagger and never bought any potions because he was under the assumption that Warlord's Bloodlust would be enough sustain with his sand soldiers. Needless to say he got poked out really hard and was near constantly OOM. Meanwhile, the enemy team had two level 30 players (our highest was level 23), one of whom was a Diana mid who was 12/0 within 15 minutes and could near literally instant-kill anyone she wanted.

I'm losing near-constantly, can't buy any new champions I'd like because I need runes in one more level, and am still nowhere near able to play draft pick.

When you're not a particularly good player and aren't a one-trick, but you do like the game and want to continue playing, losing an account is extremely painful. The first time I had to endure the grind, I had both friends playing it with me and a job to buy RP with. It made it a LOT more bearable. This time, I have neither, and it's simply astounding. How do actual new players even put up with this?

Reaper Review1 votes

URF weekend is coming up, and my friends will be enjoying it.

They want me to play it with them, but a level 19 account with no runes is dead weight considering they're all level 30. Plus I don't own anyone decent for URF besides maybe Alistar, and basically everyone's going to be spamming Azir since he's free.

They're telling me that I need to just stop dwelling on my old account and move on already, but the more I try playing on here, the more impossible it feels. I've lost nearly EVERY single normal match I've played when not queued with someone much better than I am, and my losses have only steadily been getting worse. Losing this often wouldn't bother me TOO much normally, but when you're trying to level and losses are worth barely any XP, it's really grating.

On the bright side, though, I haven't been reported at all to my knowledge. The fact that I've put up with so many crushing defeats and not fallen apart in chat's a milestone in and of itself. Too bad I get nothing for it because losses and no S ranks means hextech crafting is still worthless for me. (I've actually gotten a completed key, but a week later and still no box to open with it...)

Riot, I like your game. I really do. I just don't know how much more "reform" I can show before I completely exhaust myself. I have never taken particular issue with any of your practices before, but I'm still left to wonder. Why is it that the one meaningful punishment is the one that has NO way back from it that doesn't involve spending an exorbitant amount of money or a really stupid amount of grinding?

I WANT to keep playing and supporting the game, but I'm tired of losing near-constantly against smurfs or over-leveled players and generally being the one blamed by everyone because my score's the lowest or some other arbitrary reason. I don't lash out against them, though, but how much of it am I supposed to just let build up? I've taken to venting on here instead of in-game, but it's still not doing me much good on the inside.

MISTAFUNKTASTIC1 votes

Hi Reaper Review. It seems like a lot of your self worth is tied into this game. That by itself is not a bad thing, as humans it is natural to pair worth with accomplishment on a variety of levels. I would recommend some professional therapy. From reading your chat logs and follow up posts I believe there are underlying issues to be addressed.

I don't want you to think that I'm saying your crazy and need help because of it. There's a stigma on mental health services in our country that is frankly just BS. Seeing a therapist regularly is one of the best things I've done for myself to get through a tough divorce and becoming a single parent. The down side is finding a care provider you click with. It's kind of like dating and can be a real pain in the ass before you find the right fit.

Hope that helps. If you wanna play with me, feel free to add me as friend in game. I have a lvl 12 account I could play with you so you don't get boned by my MMR. I'm not really good by any means, slightly above average imo. Plus we could lvl up together.

Reaper Review1 votes

{quoted}

Hi Reaper Review. It seems like a lot of your self worth is tied into this game. That by itself is not a bad thing, as humans it is natural to pair worth with accomplishment on a variety of levels. I would recommend some professional therapy. From reading your chat logs and follow up posts I believe there are underlying issues to be addressed.

I don't want you to think that I'm saying your crazy and need help because of it. There's a stigma on mental health services in our country that is frankly just BS. Seeing a therapist regularly is one of the best things I've done for myself to get through a tough divorce and becoming a single parent. The down side is finding a care provider you click with. It's kind of like dating and can be a real pain in the ass before you find the right fit.

Hope that helps. If you wanna play with me, feel free to add me as friend in game. I have a lvl 12 account I could play with you so you don't get boned by my MMR. I'm not really good by any means, slightly above average imo. Plus we could lvl up together.

I've actually been looking for a therapist lately, so thanks for your concerns.

As for your comment about self-worth, it's because I don't do much that's really "graded". The fact that I'm able to see my performance as compared to others in a game like this, as opposed to a single-player game where only your own ability matters, is why it has a more noticeable effect on me.

I just want to be able to enjoy the game again with my friends is all. I finally figured out to just play with them and have fun, but now trying to get a new account to the point where I can actually do that is brutal. Like I've told my friends, I don't really want to have all of them making new accounts as well just to play the game with me. Having to handicap themselves just because of my own mistakes isn't really fair for them.

While I'm dealing with all of this because I want to reform as a relatively unskilled player, people like Tyler1 or whoever can just keep on doing what they want because they have the raw ability to make being banned not a big deal. It's infuriating. Why is it so much more difficult for an average player to get back into the game?

MISTAFUNKTASTIC1 votes

I see your point on having "graded" work or at least quantitative measurement of ones achievements. I think playing with your friends and having fun is a great way to go. You'll also find if they are significantly better than you, you'll pick up their play habits and can also receive some tips from them as you go.

It's harder for an average player to get back into the game due to lack of resources. I haven't looked into this Tyler guy very much but if he has a lot of twitch streams or subs he has additional resources to make lvling faster. In this case it's likely donations for RP to unlock champions and boosts. Most average players don't want to reinvest large sums of money as they usually already did in their main account. There's not really a solution to this as it's prevalent in all aspects of our society. That doesn't condone it, but I don't see this changing without a large scale change of societal values.

Reaper Review1 votes

{quoted}

It's harder for an average player to get back into the game due to lack of resources. I haven't looked into this Tyler guy very much but if he has a lot of twitch streams or subs he has additional resources to make lvling faster. In this case it's likely donations for RP to unlock champions and boosts. Most average players don't want to reinvest large sums of money as they usually already did in their main account. There's not really a solution to this as it's prevalent in all aspects of our society. That doesn't condone it, but I don't see this changing without a large scale change of societal values.

Tyler1's also a Diamond/Master-tier player, and is apparently one of the best Draven players in NA or something.

I don't think he gets TOO much in terms of donations, though. The fact that he's getting anything at all for continuing his efforts to mock the system is just stupid, though, and there's nothing that can be done about it.

He's still having fun and getting money, and doesn't have to change a thing about himself. I'm stuck with so much frustration and uphill grinding just to try and make the game bearable after all my efforts to look at myself and find my problems. Going straight is harder than continuing to break the rules. What kind of backwards logic is this?

Fovere1 votes

After skimming some of this thread I was thinking along the same lines as funktastic here.

You sound like you could use someone to talk to.

With respect to the game, you have to be able to understand and accept that you are going to lose, flat out, nearly half your games. MMR is adjusted each win or loss so subsequent wins become more difficult to achieve over time.

Having a mentality that is focused on specific goals in game, instead of winning or losing, or getting a good score, might help you enjoy the game more while improving your skills without the frustrations of feeling like you have somehow failed if your team loses.

An example would be to focus on simple/early game mechanics/strategy, perhaps trying to improve your last hit/trading abilities, improving map awareness and avoiding ganks, etc. Narrow down your game goals from winning/losing, which isn't something you have complete control over, to things that you can control and measure regardless of how you, or your team, perform in a game

Reaper Review1 votes

I know for a fact that I tend to fare better playing tankier brawlers, but because I'm forced to play blind pick, I end up ADC or support 90% of the time (or dodging if I'm stuck with jungle because I flat out hate jungling). Top and mid are the roles most often called first and quickly, and I'm not particularly quick on the draw.

I used to be able to last-hit decently, but I haven't really readjusted to it without the extra 9 AD I'm used to having from runes on ADCs/AD top laners. I can buy those runes again in one more level, though, so that's good.

Mostly it's the very limited champion pool that's bothering me. Going from ~106 available champions down to currently 11 is extremely dull, and I can't buy many of them because I need the runes I had. It's an extremely long grind for someone like me who doesn't play more than maybe 5 times a week. I don't play too often because I know it stresses me out of I play too much.

I want my reform to mean something, but so far all it's gotten me is frustration. I didn't need to learn to be nice to other people, just to not let my own doubts take hold. Which is great, except now trying to level a new account is just making me doubt myself even more.

Reaper Review1 votes

Tier 2 runes are being reduced to 1 IP next month. Too bad I'm about to hit level 20 and so have no reason to wait for them/buy them.

First they release the long-teased dragon champion shortly after my ban (though I'll concede Sol doesn't really fit my play style, having tried him when he was free), then they go and make decent runes easily affordable right when I'm about to hit the point where said runes become obsolete. Mecha Zero Sion's a great skin, and URF came back.

Why did literally ALL of this have to happen so soon after my ban? I swear someone's just trying to rub it in my face that I got banned. I'm still trying not to spend any more RP on this account, especially since I don't have any appreciable disposable income anymore.

Any more slaps to the face they want to give me for my reform?

Terminus Edge1 votes

Forums are finally letting me post here on this account.

Well, I've reached level 20 (whenever the forums decide to update that). To my knowledge, I haven't been reported. Haven't had any of those pop-ups saying I was reported, anyway. Not that it means anything, because I'm six years too late for the challenge...

I tried some URF games last night. First game, enemy team had a Vayne who went 29/2/5 in an 18-minute game. Few games later, the enemy team had a Plat 5 Zed who completely annihilated our botlane and ended 17/0/2 in 12 minutes. Matchmaking doesn't seem to like me too much.

Terminus Edge1 votes

I came to the conclusion that the matchmaking for the rotating game modes is just bad.

Anyway, all my IP went towards runes, and that still leaves me without any decent reds for mages or AS quints for playing ADC. Plus my champ pool is still shallow.

At least I'm finally meeting some nicer players, though. Seems things have been gradually improving in terms of overall player behavior as I've leveled. Maybe I'll get to 30 with my sanity intact after all.

Terminus Edge1 votes

I officially hate having so few champions. I don't like any of the ones I'm forced to use, and I can't buy new ones because I need runes.

I'm basically sick of the game now, but no matter what I try, I can't just uninstall it and leave. I keep on coming back, under some delusion that I can get back to the point where the game's fun for me again.

Does anyone have any advice for just leaving the game? I've officially gotten absolutely nowhere for the reform I've tried to show. I didn't even learn any good life lessons. All I learned was "be more confident when playing League". That's such a useful lesson for everyday life...

Terminus Edge1 votes

Well, I'm level 21 now. Pretty sure this account's normals win-rate is effectively destroyed at this point. Oh well, nine more levels and a couple hundred thousand IP to go.

I know, I need to just relax and have fun. There comes a point where losing stops being fun, though, and I don't have a huge champ roster to try new things, or skins just to be different, to soften the blow. There's basically nothing to make the game fun when it gets me down, because I REALLY don't want to spend money on this account anymore. That's exactly what Riot wants me to do, eventually get fed up with the grind and drop a ton of cash to buy back my champ pool.

I feel like a new player who doesn't have the benefit of not knowing how many of the champs play, so it's all grind and no sense of discovery.

GamblerOfLives1 votes

you honestly seemed troubled:|..idc what you said in the chat:)..the problem is, that you get affected by this:|.. Words are meaningless in this game:). It's just that people report others for their own reasons. Knowing this, why the fck do you care???? I don;t get it:))

Reaper Review1 votes

{quoted}

you honestly seemed troubled:|..idc what you said in the chat:)..the problem is, that you get affected by this:|.. Words are meaningless in this game:). It's just that people report others for their own reasons. Knowing this, why the fck do you care???? I don;t get it:))

It doesn't really bother me. Nothing anyone else said set me off, I just went off of my own accord due to a lack of confidence in myself or my ability to play with others.

It's a bit of a different situation than the usual stuff people get banned for, since the tried and true "mute and report" doesn't work when the person setting me off is me.

Reaper Review1 votes

I think I'm slowly losing my mind now because I'm literally torn between forcing myself to play this game and forcing myself to not play it. My alt's got a trash win-rate that's only getting worse, I've lost the desire to play any of the only 12 champs I have available regularly, I'm still nowhere near level 30 (let alone all the champs and runes I want), I still can't queue with any of my friends due to the skill/rune/champ pool disparity, I'm not making any friends because my scores have been awful lately and nobody ever seems to want to be friends unless you carry them.

I'm just so completely agitated. I'm beating myself up over my inability to play my alt account, over the fact that I got myself banned, and over basically everything else. I can't have fun anymore, and yet no matter what I try, I can't pry myself away from this game. I have so many friends here, and it's basically the only thing I can do with them. I just can't get to the point where I CAN play with them without feeling like a burden without basically destroying myself in the process.

I fall apart if I try to grind it out, I fall apart if I try to just ignore the game completely. I don't know what to do. There's nothing I CAN do anymore short of acquire several hundred dollars just to throw at this game...

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