I have short temper issues and need advice

Trolosaurus·Nov 13, 2016·13 votes·5,347 views

I have a very short temper

I don't lash out at other people when they mess up, but when others blame me for stuff I get really angry and can't let it go until after post-game is over. I don't know why, but it tilts me so hard and I can't play straight because I'm too busy getting mad at them. My bud thinks its cause I've been a bit of a punching bag all my life so my tolerance for people's BS is really low. Generally speaking, any insult at all sets me off. I've been getting angrier a lot more recently and I'm worried I'll get a warning or banned if it continues.

Any tips beyond mute them all?

61 Comments

RiotEatCrayonsNov 14, 201613 votes

There's some good suggestions in here. There's some bad ones too, but lucky for everyone they're pretty easy to spot.

I can't tell you for sure how to manage your temper or tendency to tilt but here's something that works for me as a gamer.

One angle I take is that the great thing about the internet is that you can be anyone you want to be. Ever done some role playing? Time to go nuts.

Imagine the player that you want to be and how that player acts when they're winning, losing, catching flack or receiving praise. Now write that shit down. This is your character sheet. The action of writing it down will help you to actively commit it to memory, too. Maybe you write down "Humble in victory. Cool under pressure. Listens for the useful parts of everything said and refuses to acknowledge negativity. Also a secret agent."

Now, your goal is to be that person every game.

If it helps, write a checklist out: Humble in victory. Cool under pressure. Listened for the useful parts of everything said. Refused to acknowledge negativity. Secret agent.

At the end of each game, regardless of which nexus exploded, check off the boxes for what you accomplished and circle what you didn't. Don't make excuses for yourself but don't beat yourself up either. If you end up with 5 items like above, 7/10 is a passing score but 9/10 is better. You get an experience point every time you check a box. Track them.

Set the goal as a positive statement. Make it achievable in every game. Write it down. Track your progress. Have some fun with it.

Stay classy.

ShinkoMinoriNov 15, 20163 votes

How many crayons have you eaten? and why?

RiotEatCrayonsNov 15, 20165 votes

It's more about aspiration than accomplishment.

BreakuNov 15, 20161 votes

{quoted}

It's more about aspiration than accomplishment.

How many years did you serve as an 03?

RiotEatCrayonsNov 15, 20162 votes

I'm a civilian and never served in the Marine Corps.

Piltover CustomsNov 15, 20161 votes

{quoted}

I'm a civilian and never served in the Marine Corps.

That still leaves more branches that you COULD have :O

RiotEatCrayonsNov 16, 20162 votes

Nope. Not even a cub scout.

BreakuNov 16, 20161 votes

Dang, a lot of my 03 buddies eat Crayons.

TrolosaurusNov 13, 20165 votes

Well I guess I should post a status update

I played a game and resolved to go through it without getting mad, which I did to an extent.

We had a support who wasn't very good and offered her advice. She became upset and her and her duo queue started shit talking in all chat about me so I muted them. Then we lost.

It's a step forward. After a bit I stopped dwelling on their attitude and focused on the game. We still lost though, but I did keep my goal of not getting angry.

KartagiaNov 13, 20161 votes

But it is against Riot and Riot fanboy dogma that people behave like that. IF they do, it is your fault you lost. They cannot believe someone does lose games intentionally. IT is not something which happens as it is not according to their dogma. IF you have flaming player in your team, RIot and Riot fanboys say it is your fault they flame. IF you would be skilled (like platinum in bronze) you would climb fast. If it requires being 3 divisions higher than your actual placement to climb, the ranking system is totally flawed and does not work.

I suggest all fanboys of Riot goes to learn how REAL and WORKING elo system is implemented in Kiseido Go Server.

DevilishMetalNov 14, 20161 votes

citation needed

Seriously, this just seems like a huge strawman to me. Do you have any examples of people saying these things?

DeathBurstNov 15, 20161 votes

Congratz :)

Keep up the good work. And remember, losing even 4 matches every 10 matches is still a great performance. You can't win all games. You should just strive to make a difference and play as good as you can. Once you understand that, that you are really expected to lose almost half your games, there is much less pressure.

ABlueQuakerNov 13, 20164 votes

http://67.media.tumblr.com/8cfa8c3c83742adc12cb4a9b7d474bce/tumblr_mjezmhPhH61relxa7o1_500.gif

http://66.media.tumblr.com/799ed874bcea15766c5baab477b56acf/tumblr_nzu5aimVAt1snn8hgo1_400.gif

EMBRACE THE RAGE.

ModUlanopoNov 13, 20164 votes

Studies have shown that allowing yourself to break the rules occasionally or when you feel justified leads to a reduction in willpower, exactly the opposite of the "let yourself blow off steam" theory. Try to resist the urge.

To that end:

Take breaks between matches.
Find a stress buddy who you can complain to.
If you can, have that stress buddy play with you so they can warn you when you're on tilt.
Mute them some.

KartagiaNov 13, 20162 votes

As long Riot refuses to put all games chat to their AI and punish verbal abuse without reports, this problem prevails. The trolls always report their victims. And if you mute them, they have free reign to get people against you. And American Presidential Election just proved the bullying tactics works. A big ass mouthed bully just won. And all he did was toxic attack on his opponent.

INoble KnightINov 13, 20161 votes

1st half of your comment makes sense. 2nd half is pure asinine and doesn't need to be brought onto a gaming board.

Lord SessshomaruNov 13, 20161 votes

Ya, the ironic part is the people who are literally thugs and bullys lost, the ones that started all the violence, and they are still trying to bully people because they didn't get our way. Seeing they are from EU, maybe they are clueless and believe propaganda...still, it is ironic and sad that someone could say that. Trump didn't do 1% of the toxic stuff his opponent did. And the Democrats were trying to intimidate and manipulate people every second of the way. Now, they have lost and they are still being typical racist bully thugs...

INoble KnightINov 13, 20161 votes

Yeah but that's life sadly...

KartagiaNov 13, 20161 votes

Did you watch the debates? I did watch all 3 debates, and Trump was the toxic bully, and he started the bullying. He did that in all 3 debates.

KynrazeNov 13, 20163 votes

here is a few things that come to mind, from a player who spent time in the depths of hell (bronze - silver) i used to truly believe i was soo good and did not belong in that elo so i was pretty toxic, usually passive-aggressively .

be happy that you are actually trying to change. this is a huge step in the right direction. you recognize that you are quick to anger and are wanting to fix that. that is a great start
remember, this is only a game. really. it is a video game. what happens in one match , whether good or bad, doesn't really carry huge consequences. at the end of the day, you are going to log out, and be a part of the world. while we are at it, if you realize that getting mad over a game isnt really worth it, you can start to get angry less. i will say that as far as competitiveness goes, this game is pretty top. i understand the need to try to out play, show off mechanics in front of other people in the hopes of having them say "wow, youre good". be honest, this happens all the time whether you know you are doing or it or not.
focus on your own play and mistakes rather than watching your Yasuo try to 1v5 and fail epicly. while its pretty easy to say that as im not currrently in a game, but i try to tell myself this before every match. if i focus on my mistakes, i can improve on myself instead of watching that aforementioned yasuo feed and then flame him after. now, if you see your teammates doing some obviously troll-like things in game, yeah feel free to speak up. just be warned that 8/10 the troll will fight back with..well..troll tactics. this becomes the breaking point. try not to get baited. overall, trolls just like to start shit to get a rise out of you. its cliche but its cliche for a reason. dont engage.
dont try so hard. just focus on the gameplay and learning/improving for your next game.
not everyone has the same skill level as yourself. remember this while you play. a lot of times youll sit there with your support, for example., and say wow if only he did this we could have won that fight, if i was him i would have done this etc etc. thats great, but sometimes your teammate is just "not as good as you". quotes. there are skill differences from player to player and maybe his reaction time is not as great as yours. in the future, just take safer fights, or sit back and watch how your teammates play first and get a feel for their style and try to play around that. but most importantly try not to criticize somebody for a perceived misplay. unless they ask for it, its generally better to stay quiet when deciding whether or not to offer advice. your intentions might be good, but most of the time people will not take that advice (unless you are a pro or a known streamer/challenger/player) its just the nature of peer-to-peer communication. if you want, offering general advice like (we could use wards, maybe this item would be better, lets go for the dragon after next fight) is usually a safe idea.

All in all, it seems like you want to change how you look at the game. you are already on the right track and thats something to focus on. these are just some easy tips that ive picked up from other players, from watching friends / pros / streams. it also comes from just playing while trying to remember to watch my attitude. I've never been reported (i think) or at least ive never had any suspensions/bans/punishments. You may disagree with my methods, but hey im just trying to offer some tips. Maybe im wrong, but try it out for yourself and see

DakloreNov 14, 20163 votes

The first step is admitting there is a problem.

Congratulations! I mean, it sucks having a short temper, but acknowledging the problem is still something to congratulate... considering how so many people out there still refuse to acknowledge any faults at all beginning with them.

I have been a bit of a punching bag most of my life as well, was bullied and ostracized most of my time in public school--yeah yeah, toughen up, I hear ya trolls. What keeps me from flaming out when I get insulted, or mocked, or what have you... is remembering all the times in the past, and even in the moment, it hurts me. I don't want to be treated like that... and that's exactly why I try to avoid treating anyone else like that. I'm in the unique position of knowing what it's like being on the side being put down. I know how horrible it makes a person feel... I know how bad it can make me perform in game, too. So, that's my largest motivator.

Don't get me wrong, I've had a message all ready to go. Angry caps, angry words, my blood is boiling, but somehow, every time, I manage to stop myself. Read what I wrote, shake my head, "it's not worth it. It is not worth it. Just play the damned game." And, let me tell you one of the best methods I've had for disarming the flamers and ragers and trolls... acknowledge what they say as fact, but play it off at the same time. "I know, Sona, I'm not doing great, but hey, you're playing with me!" "I dunno, Gragas, they seem to be camping me an awful lot... could just be that I need to ward more before i push out." But, really, the best thing to do is to... just not say anything. Shout at the air, scream and rant to your accepting friends, kick and flail in your chair like a petulant two-year old(I have done it, it helps sometimes...). If it's in the comfort of your own privacy, you're allowed to vent your rage and/or frustration in any way that is healthy to you. Don't let anyone else tell you what you can't do to vent, as long as it doesn't directly impact your game.

Hell, I've spent games talking back to people in my game, by just... talking at my screen. They can't hear me, I'm not streaming, no one else can really hear me--other than me. And it usually helps keep me cool. Because i'm getting it off my chest, in the most positive way I can manage to do it.

So yes, you can mute everyone and band-aid the problem... or you can try and find personal ways of dealing with it. What works for me, won't work for everyone, and what works for you, might not work for everyone. gg wp at the end of every game, even if you don't feel like it was a good game, or well played ... Humble in defeat, humble in victory. I shake my head everytime I see a "gg ez". Every. Single. Time. And yes, I report them for it. But that's my opinion, and no one can tell me otherwise. :3

And, sometimes, the best thing to do... is take a break. Play ARAM instead of SR for a few weeks(or SR instead of ARAM if you're an ARAM'er like I usually am). Try out a different game, maybe pick up a slower calmer game. Play two matches, then play your calmer game for 30 minutes or an hour. Then play another two matches of league, or three if you feel like you can handle it.

If you really feel like your temper is starting to become a problem, not just in League... there are therapists out there for this sort of thing. There is no shame in seeking professional help. Even I've seen a couple in my lifetime for a variety of reasons. And I don't doubt that someday in the future, I might have to see one again. (I am, unfortunately, becoming more and more anxious with each passing day, go figure.)

Well, this was a wall... hopefully I at least put something helpful in there. Flamers... COME AT ME! >:3 (oh, and cat smilies :3 help keep the grouchies away!)

ShinkoMinoriNov 13, 20161 votes

Stop having a short temper then?

TrolosaurusNov 13, 20162 votes

{quoted}

Stop having a short temper then?

How?

ShinkoMinoriNov 13, 20161 votes

Grow up? Mature? Become a better person?

INoble KnightINov 13, 20164 votes

Dude if it was that simple don't you think OP would have already done that?

ShinkoMinoriNov 13, 20161 votes

It is that simple, it's what I did, just people don't want to do that because they rather go the easy way of not changing.

INoble KnightINov 13, 20165 votes

Everyone is different. What worked for you won't work for someone else.

ShinkoMinoriNov 13, 20161 votes

It's called being mature.

INoble KnightINov 13, 20165 votes

Dude having anger problems doesn't mean you're not mature. Some people just have a hard time with it and to be honest it's insulting to think less of people because of it.

Bigg FactsNov 13, 20163 votes

Youre an idiot. Get off the boards.

iBuildNov 13, 20161 votes

From your comments, clearly it's you. ^^ Cheers mate.

LetsGoJoeMyBroNov 15, 20161 votes

This guy is asking for positive advice, not negative quotes to get him down even more.

Bigg FactsNov 15, 20161 votes

I was responding to the guy being an ass, not OP.

LetsGoJoeMyBroNov 16, 20161 votes

Oh, I am really sorry...

deathgod5Nov 13, 20161 votes

Bind the chat to ctr+f12 and mute all.

Then say in chat: due to recent events ill be communicating through pings only.

HrynaNov 13, 20161 votes

If someone says a comment you're stewing about, just one comment that makes you fume, mute that person. I do this when I'm in pms. It does wonders for your chat experience.

Sir FuzziNov 13, 20161 votes

I can feel you here. I'm first guy to call out my skill or performance, but whenever it happens by others, my score is positive and I can drive into the enemy team with ease. It bothers me-- not because I'm doing well or they're not, but because I'm pushing the effort into keeping things steady for the rest of my team and that's my repayment.

Thing is, I work in goodwill; I'm used to getting shit on and hauling trash. After a while, you begin to realize they're the kinds who'll latch onto anything and hate it, good or bad. It's not the 'what' that determines it, it's the 'how' and that just happens to be anything. They're not redeemable, they're not even good.

You wouldn't be mistaken to note the declining state of the playerbase. I've been in since S3 and it's been a downhill ride. But these things happen, and I've gotten older over that time, and that's just the way of things.

Best advice I can give you: sit there for a long time, think long and hard on the situation in general. And then, when you're ready to play League, brace for it ahead of time. So much of the playerbase are puerile little shits in need of a time-out or a good grounding, but we're not the ones to do it. Our job is to help the team hit the nexus.

It's like drama-magnet co-workers. Yeah, you gotta pull doubletime doing their work, usually-- but you aren't gonna get fired for being the only one working hard.

Lord SessshomaruNov 13, 20161 votes

Find a different game, LoL is not for you=(

woodvsmurphNov 13, 20161 votes

unfortunately you can't mute troll pings or stop troll plays by teammates. you can just type in chat (if you choose so teammates don't tilt over you not responding to the in chat) at start of game "muting all -- personal reasons" and mute everyone at start of game before they have a chance to be salty to you in game.

KartagiaNov 13, 20161 votes

Muting does not prevent them being salty. It does not prevent them to make them report you and make you look bad. It only prevents you seeing it. That is the main flaw of RIot policy: by muting you give all power to the rules breakers and remove all of your chances to defend. Only way to be safe is refusal to communicate at all, which is the suggestion by RIot. DO not communicate in game where Summoner's code says you should communicate.

And due scoring system, your report alone does not make Riot system to check them as system requires several reports: More you report, less your report count. Thus if you have 4 toxic players, you reports are weighted less while their reports are way more effective against you. Riot has given us no proof there is any human involvement in process.

Chewbacca MerkinNov 14, 20161 votes

Embrace it.

Morality CoachNov 14, 20161 votes

Get laid, smoke some weed do something cool for once.

You're not going to climb if everything said in game to you is the truth and it gets you mad lol.

Improve your life homie, the 40 year old version of you is the most miserable guy on the planet usually.

Morality CoachNov 14, 20161 votes

Take a Brazillian Jiu Jitsu or Judo class. You will get beat up for raging there and will learn to be quiet pretty quickly.

KaiokoNov 14, 20161 votes

I think you need to be more concerned with figuring out how to control your rage. What do you do when someone honks at you and insults your driving? Pull out a gun and shoot them? No idea how old you are but these types of attitude can be dangerous.

My only advice is take a step back and realize this is a game and realize that the person playing against you is also a human being. You're there to have fun, but that fun is probably going to involve losing and not doing well in some games and that's ok.

BídoofNov 14, 20161 votes

My biggest advice is get into a good mood before you start playing.

I am either pissed and play angry for a few games or I get in my zone and play really well and can keep super chill and positive.

Put on some good music, get a drink next to you, maybe a little snack, and dont really worry about what your team is doing, just play for fun and focus on yourself

AptestNov 15, 20161 votes

well.

my opinion is not as useful as Crayon's but it's easier.

you make up your mind: this guy is a tard. following that, is a decision: I dont want to talk to tards. then you either mute him, or just tell him you muted him (and the tard generally shuts up).

solved?

DoktorKaiserNov 15, 20161 votes

I have the same problem. I usually solve it by hitting objects around me as hard as I fucking can and imagine its the heads of my retar.. uhmm I mean lovely teammates, but sometimes they are so ... lovely that I cant hold it and start flaming back I just must do it, I am not proud of it but there is nothing I can do, but its rare enough for me to not get any serious ban (just a 10 game chat ban, and that one was actually not fair, I wasnt toxic in those games but I didnt complain because I overall deserved some smaller ban)...