Noticed another source of anxiety and frustration.

The account is NewYetOldName

I've been having some really demoralizing losses lately in normals, since I've avoided ranked for a good while after realizing how much of a bronzie I am.

But while most of the time toxic teammates are the kinds of issues most people take note of, I always have issues with toxic enemy players. Even though I've turned off all chat in every game I'm in, I have to still get so anxious about what the enemy team thinks of me.

As soon as they taunt/joke/dance, especially when I'm starting to lose lane and have them snowball, it sends a nasty message through my head added with me getting angry and my negative self-deprecating voice on top of it. And even though I've never turned all chat back on, I have to instantly assume the enemy laner/team is calling me and my team a combination of racist slurs and homophobic words because they're very bad-apple CoD fanboys.

Or, they may be so damn cutthroat enough to have my losing game posted on YT or Twitch just to show off how bad I am at the game and how much of a piece of plague I am. As well as possibly me fearing that they'll spam a type of punishment I have to go through whenever I lose like it's cutthroat gambling from Kaiji.

I need to find a way to get over this, even though I never look at what they type in chat due to me turning it off and of course, I've been very negative at myself on several accounts of this game cause I know I suck. But so much stuff I've taken in via content and stuff that tells you fundamentals you must master makes me feel so angry that if I do just one thing wrong to make a game fall apart, something up in the sky tells me to go kill myself because IT'S SO DAMN IMPORTANT (miss one cs = wow I'm damn horrible as a person gg).

I see so many of these supposedly-sociopathic people in my normal games nowadays that I have to lose to due to a few errors (or because I was just fated to be in a game with them as some form of divine punishment), that I never bother to crap-talk my foes if I win. It ends up feeling like they're there to tell me that I should never play the game ever again, or go through the aforementioned type of punishment (I often inside-meme about "cutting off one finger per loss" just to git gud from those people who stomp and laugh at me).

TL;DR: My self-negative mindset, me being aware of me actually being crap at this game and assumption of bm-spamming winners telling me to go through with something nasty because they have a right to tell me so is basically the biggest and most consistent obstacle I've been trying to deal with. Even worse if they managed to pick an OP champ or team comp I have no chance of winning.

I would go on OP.GG to look the players up, but I don't want my game to lag. BTW no, my own teammates are rarely the problem to this. Then again, I'm crap at focusing due to possible ADHD, so...

To quote Trafalgar Law: "The weak can't choose their way of dying."

Update: About time this account finally got suspended. So many of these people who just bm away and show how much hot shit they are from being so much better than me; I'm expected to feel good and happy when they tell me how much they want me to not play this game anymore with their bm?

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be a masochist and/or someone who avoids all forms of gaming due to how easily he has to get salted on. If so, I must be THAT awful of a person in general. I also might as well not play anymore and just stick to and no matter how damn bored I am, cause god must be telling me "you have no right to play other champions or I'll make you lose; stay as and or else".