A new me

I know most threads about getting permabanned in the Player Behavior & Moderation discussion end up receiving a lot of hate because most of the permabanned just complain about it. In my last post I explained how I became a toxic person without knowing it and how it led to my account getting permabanned. It's been six months since I've been banned and I still think about the account I lost. At the moment I had no idea what I was risking since I thought I would never get perma'd. I know how annoying I have become for Riot, but how can I just forget about it... I've made a new account but grinding it all the way back to diamond is so much work. But the elo isn't the main problem for me, its all the sentimental value I had in that account, i spent over 600 dollars on the account and for me its a lot since im only 16 and all the money I made from my job at Party City was poured into the account. I was wrong for all the toxic games I had, even if I was joking. I made many other people suffer for 30+ minutes for being a jerk and now I have been suffering for over six months. I don't why I'm writing this here but maybe Riot can notice or perhaps just positive feedback from the community can help me be at ease once again. I just can't believe a video game has me feeling like this and that just shows that League is truly amazing.