- Did it take multiple punishments from the Tribunal to be effective?
It took multiple punishments for me to be concerned enough to do anything about it. Chat bans just made playing harder and more frustrating in the games you wanted to actually talk and not flame. It didn't make me want to change my ways at all. What did was actual bans where I couldn't play my main account for a while and the realization that I was heading towards a permanent ban on the account I had invested so much times and some money into. Even then though I went back and forth for a long time.
- Was there a distinct moment, without the push of the Tribunal, that you noticed you went "overboard" on a teammate/opponent? Did it bother you?
Everyone has a different level of what defines overboard and when it comes to online messages my line is/was almost nonexistent. I have told people to drown their own children then kill themselves, that I was praying for them to get raped, I hope their family gets cancer, if I had their address I'd come kill their entire bloodline myself etc. etc. (most of that is over a year old) but I never just started in on someone for no reason, even if that reason was a bad one like them playing poorly, so while it hasn't always been really justified I have never felt true remorse for what I said. My reform was more self motivated than out of remorse for past actions. I wanted to be a better person and I wanted a better experience in the game.
- Has a teammate ever explained to you that you flaming them was hurting/tilting them? Did it make you stop?
Probably, I don't remember a specific instance. I'm sure it never made me stop or feel any remorse/empathy.
- Was being toxic in-game used as an outlet to real-life's stress?
Yes and No. The game itself is used as an outlet for real-life stress but I was more likely to go off for smaller offenses if I was more stressed in real life because that allowed me to vent both the game stress and real-life stress. In other words I wouldn't just start being toxic as an outlet for relieving real-life stress but these outburst would come quicker and be harsher because I would also be venting real-life stress once started.
- When you flamed, how often (if any) did you end up tilting yourself and performing worse?
More often than not but it would also inspire me to perform better to live up to a boast or just to make them feel worse and sometimes I don't think it made much difference. So its hard to give a more definite answer.
- What made you decide to take action and change your ways (reform)?
Wanting a better experience for myself and to be a better person in real life. Even though I was venting some stress I was also creating nearly as much by working myself up. Now I try to just let it go and do my best so afterward I can say. "At least I got practice and I can do better than before."
- After being reformed, are there any steps or practices that really help you exercise control over your emotions?
I started maining support. In support role I don't feel as competitively pressured. I'm not trying to be the one to get the kill I just want to help my team get it. I'm also not trying to compete in the cs race when I'm in lane, I always wanted the higher cs as much for showing I did just a little better in lane than for the gold. Sometimes that was detrimental because I would get out of position for that last hit and take a bad trade.
I also started trying to encourage my teammates whenever I want to flame them, or just acknowledge them in general for a good play. I feel that by acknowledging their successes and encouraging them when they fail I prevent them and myself from tilting quite so hard or push them or myself into playing better, even if I'm fuming in real life. I don't know if it has any effect on them but I like to think it does and it helps me keep myself in check.
- Are your games more enjoyable now?
Overall yes. It gets trying sometimes, as I said I still slip occasionally, though not to the point of wishing cancer on them. I try to save that for after game if I have to so at least it won't tilt team during the game. But because I'm not spending time flaming I play better and I don't get so worked up and that has let me relieve some stress without creating more on my own.
- Do you encourage your teammates at all? Do you remain relatively quiet (aside from shot calling)?
As I answered earlier I do try to encourage them as an effort to help keep myself from tilting, sometimes I'm to frustrated and I just want to tell them to go fuck themselves. In those games I compromise by being quiet.
- Is there something you learned from experience or simply just want to say to players who are currently toxic to help deter them from being so? Perhaps some effective measures that work for you to maintain control or some words of encouragement.
We all want a more enjoyable game, I know its hard and I know some trolls deserve to be beaten to death with a baseball bat but unless you can reach through the screen and grab them by the throat what good are you doing for yourself?
*Sorry about grammar in some answers, feel free to use my name/tag in your video you have my permission. Hope it goes well for you.
Edit: If you want to do a more personal interview please feel free to contact me, I would be happy to participate.
