My experiences with toxicity

I'll start this off by saying I have had a history of clinical depression and anxiety. The first game of League of Legends I ever played, I was pretty young (I don't remember exactly how old). It was a game against beginner bots, and I randomly selected my champion and got Soraka. I had no idea how to play, and during the game, a smurf player called me a "dipshit" close to the end of the game. That experience alone turned me off the game until a few years later, when I started playing again with my sister. It was nice to be able to play games with just one other person to try and figure out how everything worked. Anyway, as I leveled up to 30, I obviously encountered quite a few toxic players. I have been told to kill myself multiple times, and similar threats. These kinds of comments really affect me. When I was younger, they would make me cry. Now, they just make me furious. My self esteem is already very low because of traumatic experiences in my past. If I make a mistake in game, and somebody calls me a retard for it, I'll get really pissed and I have to try really hard to not flame back. It has become so bad that if I am feeding in a game, I end up apologizing after almost every death because I am so afraid of what teammates might say to me. It has slowly become more obvious to me that I should not play this game. It is filled with toxic assholes, and in my opinion, they are not punished severely enough. Toxicity continues to flourish in the game, and obviously this doesn't bother some people. However, it bothers me, and I begin to wonder why I still play a game filled with people whose attitudes are deplorable. This post probably seemed a little disorganized, but my social anxiety makes it difficult for me to communicate sometimes. But the way I think about it, if you're in a situation filled with undesirable objects which will never change, and you are able to get out, then just get out. League of Legends is not fun for me. I feel like I always have to be on the defense just because some dickhead might just pop out and tell me to kill myself after dying once. Oh, and before all you butt-hurt bullies throw a temper tantrum, telling me to grow up, get a thicker skin, "snowflake," etc., I will say this now: don't bother. I never read the replies to any of my vent-posts for just this reason. All you are doing is wasting your time, embarrassing yourselves and getting down-voted. If I am in an environment which is detrimental to my mental stability, I have the freedom to leave. I'm not forced to stay here and eat your bullshit "oh you deserve to be flamed if you suck hurr durr." Everybody is different. That is just a fact of life. I am personally very accepting of differences in personalities, and I feel like I am not welcome in League of Legends. The "community" constantly berates people simply based on their skill level in a stupid video game, and tells you to end your own life because of your KDA in a single game. I acknowledge everybody is different. There will be jerks everywhere I go. There just happens to be a high concentration of jerks in League of Legends. I am choosing to spend my time in an environment more welcoming to people.