From a Banned Player - Thinking About Your Actions
(PSA to anyone reading this thread: Use Discussion View. Half the posts make little sense without knowing who they were responding to.)
I'm writing this not to try and gain or change anything (I'm well aware that that doesn't happen), but to provide myself with a sense of closure and a better understanding of myself, as well as potentially letting other people know to appreciate what they have and not to squander it.
I was banned a little over a month ago, and have spent this time trying to move on from the game. Let me tell you, it's not as easy as it seems, especially when you've made friends in the game (this actually does happen, believe it or not). If you think you might have any sort of attitude problem, stop and think about if it's really worth gambling your account. If you truly want to remain here, then work at it.
Reform is about more than just saying you'll do better. It's about understanding why you acted the way you did, and how to combat it. Someone who truly is self-centered and egotistical has to follow a different path than someone who lacks confidence in themselves, sparking rage. Understanding this is the first, and perhaps the most important, step to improvement.
I acted the way I did because I lost faith in my own ability, set arbitrary expectations for myself, and fell apart when I didn't meet them. I forgot to have fun and relax, which is what video games are for in the first place. Doing badly or losing doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's first and foremost a learning experience.
I understand that I said some inappropriate things. More than that, though, I understand why I did so, and the steps I need to take to change that and myself. It was thanks to the friends who stuck by me through my troubled times that I was able to open my eyes and see what was really important. I owe them a lot, more than I could ever repay.
If you're not banned, it's not too late. It never is. Never forget that. Having lost my account myself, I can tell you it really isn't worth it if you do enjoy this game to any capacity.
Thank you to everyone, both players and devs, who provided me with a fun and engaging game over these years, even if I spent the past year too clouded in doubt to truly appreciate it.
