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How do you stop a feedback loop of self-loathing and poor gameplay?

Visionova·6/9/2017, 12:47:43 AM·1 votes·573 views

I have a 25-game chat restriction, most of which I believe is me constantly ragging on myself for doing badly.

It's become a reflex for me, and I don't know how to not do it. I keep doing badly, which makes me hate myself for feeling like I'm wasting peoples' time and ruining their games.

I keep trying to just shake it off when things go wrong in-game, but it's only getting harder and harder to stop myself as I continue to under-perform. I don't know how to break the cycle.

Taking a break from the game doesn't even fully tackle the problem because putting myself out of practice only exacerbates my losing to people who are still in the right mindset.

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Game 1 Visionova: GREAT Visionova: LOST FIRST TURRET. AGAIN. Visionova: I'M a fucking AFAILUTRE Visionova: SORY Visionova: SORRY Visionova: SORRY Visionova: I LOST FIRST TURRET Visionova: I SUCK Visionova: I'M GARBAGE Visionova: GREAT, I FUCKING LOST TWO TURRETS Visionova: FUCK THIS GAME Visionova: I'M A FAILURE Visionova: A Visionova: DISGRACE Visionova: TRASH Visionova: A RETARD Visionova: A FAILURE Visionova: AUTSTIC FUCKING RETARDED PIECE OF SHIT FAILURE Visionova: REPORT ME. FUCKING REPORT ME. LITERALLY FUCKING LOST TWO GOD DAMN TURRETS INSTANTLY BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT FAILURE Visionova: I AM FUCKING SICK OF HAVING BAD GAMRES Visionova: I WANMT A GOOD GAME Visionova: I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT WITH LOSING, AND FEEDING, AND BEING GARBAGE Visionova: WHY CAN'T I FUCKING DO GOOD AS ANYONE, IN ANY LANE, IN ANY ROLE Visionova: SHUT THE FUCK UP, GAME. UI KNOW, HJE'S GREAT AND I'M TRASH Visionova: just report me. feeders and pieces of trash deserve to be banned Visionova: why do i always get targeted Visionova: riven has more kills Visionova: more assists Visionova: more cs Visionova: more turrets Visionova: i have rank 4 on jax and yet i've fed literally every game as him Visionova: NOPE Visionova: FUCKING DIED Visionova: AGAIN Visionova: TO A FUCKING TRASH RIVEN Visionova: MY FRIENDS ARE FUCKING PLAT AND DIAMOND PLAYERS Visionova: THEY WOULD NOT EE LOSING TOTRASH LIKE THIS Visionova: WHY DO I LOSE TO TRASH Visionova: WHY CAN'T I BE GOOD LIKE ANY OF MY FRIENDS Visionova: OKAY, GAMNE, SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT TEEMO Visionova: great, i'm being carried byt a fucking teemo Visionova: TYIKSMJBGNXJGISDKBMM XMNGFJKSJBM CMJCFXB MXM;LNFDKLMVSDXN HBVZLKN NG Visionova: I DON'T WANT YOU ASSHOLES TO CARRY ME. I WANT TO FUCKING WIN ON MY OWN ABILITY Visionova: hgnjmdbmkxkbg[sdpmn;pdnv;novn v:Invgnpzv:ZNBvp'n;vaz'n;v p;'snp;xn vx';np'nzad6fpigv HJ'snbs Visionova: WHY CAN I NOT FUCKING 1V1 ANYBODY Visionova: EVERY FUCKING TIME I PLAY JAX, I CAN NEVER FUCKING 1V1 ANYBODY Visionova: NO, SHUT UP, I FAILED Visionova: I'M A FUCKING PIECE OF TRASH Visionova: GARBAGE. A DISGRACE. A LOSER. A SACK OF SHIT AUTISTIC RETARD Visionova: no, i'm telling myself all this. because it's true Visionova: that's because all i CAN do is farm Visionova: i'm just mad that i'm being carried again. like every game i've played as Jax Visionova: i can't tp anywhere useful Visionova: sorry i ruined it AGAIN Visionova: i don't even want to win. my team earned a win, and they can be proud. but me, i don't want it, i don't deserve it, i didn't earn it Visionova: WHY CAN'T I FUCKING KILL ANYBODY Visionova: EVERY FUCKING TIME I PLAY JAX Visionova: I CAN NEVER FUCKING KILL ANYONE Visionova: WHY Visionova: i'm LITERALLY the only feeder on this team Visionova: and i fucking hate it Visionova: he's a support, he's at least doing his job Visionova: yeah, great, i STILL can't kill anyone Visionova: NO. REPORT ME. I'M TRASH. GARBAGE. A FAILURE. A LOSER. A DISGRACE.

Game 2 Visionova: b,lkb[kocv[x'o;/m knlxpk]bkp[om[pjbvp[no [jpmo np'bf'zxcpb j Visionova: sorry i fucking failed Visionova: jhdkjjpdfjpmfpinjsmjpvpndgpszpidb jsdfxnhb Visionova: fucking report me. i'm a feeder,a fucking piece of garbage feeding sakc of trash retarded loser Visionova: AND I FUCKING LOST MY TURRET FIRST Visionova: WHY DO I LOSE FIRST TURRET EVBERY FUCKING TIME I PLAY THIS GOD DAMN GAME Visionova: great, i'm fucking worthless. AGAIN Visionova: when do i get to play league Visionova: I'M A FUCKING LOSER. I NEED TO BE BANNED. I'VE LITERALLY FED MY LAST LIKE 20 GAMES Visionova: I CANNOT FUCKIONG WIN AT THIS PIECE OF SHIT GAME Visionova: BUY ME BETTER CHAMPIONS THEN Visionova: ALL THE FUCKING GOOD ONES COST TOO DAMN MUCH Visionova: you mean lose a lot Visionova: because i only have fucking garbage for picks when i'm being matched vs gold and plat players in normals Visionova: THANKS A FUCKING LOT, I STILL HAVE ZERO FUCKING KILLS Visionova: sorry, i'm just really tilted Visionova: i feed whenever i play jax, so now i'm trying trynd Visionova: report me. i deserve to be banned. feeders don't get to have fun. Visionova: can't even fucking win as tryndamere Visionova: why are all the cheap top laners garbage Visionova: then who am i supposed to play Visionova: top lane, i mean Visionova: but i hate jungling Visionova: why, so i can fucking play soraka Visionova: i hate soraka Visionova: i can't handle extremely passive supports like raka or janna Visionova: so annie, because no other decent mid mage is cheap Visionova: so can i get reported? for feeding and being a waste of space Visionova: i'm exhausted. i'm just sick of losing at this point Visionova: i'm not inting Visionova: but what else can i even do Visionova: i can't teamfight, and i can't split because darius kills me Visionova: why why WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY Visionova: WHY DO I HAVE ZERO FUCKING KILLS Visionova: IT'S THE SAME FUCKING THING WHEN I PLAY JAX, I CAN NEVER FUCKING KILL ANYBODY Visionova: easier to ruin the game with too if you feed the enemy mid Visionova: annie's arange sucks Visionova: annie's probably the lowest ranged mage Visionova: NMO NO NON ONONONONONONONONOONNONOON Visionova: ANOTHER FUCKING KILL I FAILED Visionova: I DON'T WANT TO PLAY FUCKING ANNIE Visionova: NOT GG. NOT GG

Game 3 Visionova: NONONONONONOONONONONON Visionova: fucking died to afucking naut Visionova: I'M A FUCKING Failure Visionova: A LOSERE Visionova: aa disgeace Visionova: I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY I'M A FUCKING PIECE OF TRASH FEDING SACK OF SHIT FAILURE Visionova: report me. i'm trash. garbage. a loser. a disgrace. Visionova: report me. i'm a fucking piece of trash garbage autistic retarded disgrace loser failure Visionova: i literally died to a fucking nautilus Visionova: I JUST WANT TO GO ONE FUCKING GAME WITHOUT FUCKING FEEDIONG Visionova: IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK Visionova: i'm fucking sick of this cheap trash. i want real champions Visionova: i'm sorry. i'm sorry you got a complete fucking tilted piece of garbage loser for a top laner Visionova: i've literally fed every fucking game this week. i can't fucking win any lanes, i can't fucking do aNYTHING, and i'm fucking tilted to all hell Visionova: and do worse when i come back? Visionova: i literally lost first turret to a fucking nautilus Visionova: and i'm supposed to feel fucking good about this Visionova: no, i'm fucking feeling bad. it's not fair for my team Visionova: and once again i'm fucking being called an inter Visionova: why do i even fuckiong play this game Visionova: i played jax, fed as him every game. now i feed as trynd too Visionova: i just want to fucking win a god damn lane for once Visionova: what kind of fucking retard loses to fucking naut as tryndamere Visionova: my friends are plat and diamond players. i can't be losing to low elo players. i can't. i have to be as good as them. i have to be Visionova: oh, shut the fuck up. you won lane, you get to be happy and have fun Visionova: you think losing every fucking matchup is fun? Visionova: no i didn't Visionova: go look at my match history after this game and tell me i'm not justified in thinking i'm a complete failure

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4 Comments

ME UNGA ME SMASH6/9/2017, 12:54:59 AM1 votes

I think you need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself to win, as much as you need to pressure yourself to get better. Don't spam playing the game and then tell yourself, "I need to win". Try using lost games as a method of getting better. Think about what you could do to improve, not what your teammates are doing. When you think less about them and more about yourself as you practice, play, and grow, it gets easier to forget about the misdeeds of your teammates.

Another thing is to get an alt account and play on that. You start from scratch and it's easier to go look at habits you might have and things you do wrong when the pressure isn't as high.

aZ3R0n6/9/2017, 1:01:15 AM1 votes

Here's an honest suggestion...

Take a break from the game. While you're on this break, watch some YouTube videos that are instructional, watch some LCS games, and watch Twitch streamers. Don't just watch to be entertained, but pay attention to their strategies.

Try this for starters: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUW3JGsmK_Q

After that, try to find very POSITIVE players to watch online that you can try to learn from. I very highly suggest Nightblue3. I follow him on Twitch and watch him in the morning sometimes. Not only is he a pretty good player, but he's very positive and funny. He will also give little tips about jungling fairly often to help those who watch his stream and are trying to climb.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck, and don't be so hard on yourself. I've been playing for two years now but still can't carry consistently enough to get out of Bronze. It happens.

[slayer-pantheon-thumbs]

Visionova6/9/2017, 2:33:24 AM1 votes

Well, I finally managed to not feed. Guess what? I STILL lost.

No matter WHAT I do, I fucking lose. I'm fucking sick of it. Sick of being told "lol gg scrubs", sick of the "Defeat" banner, just fucking sick of all of it.

Even when I don't feed, I can't win. I'm a failure. A fucking failure. A loser, a disgrace, a piece of fucking trash failure.

Koonta Kintae6/9/2017, 3:23:46 AM1 votes

Well there's beta cuck and then there's this.

9/10 would ban [slayer-jinx-wink]