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I'm at a loss at this point.

Visionova·8/15/2017, 9:31:21 PM·3 votes·1,117 views

I've gotten my 4th account banned now, and I'm just left to wonder to myself why I can't kick my habit of feeling like I have to punish myself.

All four bans were because of the same routine I'm stuck in. My friends are climbing the ranks, in plat/diamond, and I just feel like garbage when I lose at my silver level of play. This continues, and I feel worse and worse about myself, until I decide that I don't deserve to play and I end up lashing out at everyone trying to get myself banned.

Then I realize that if I DON'T play, I'm just going to feel like garbage because I have no way of ever being as good as my friends. I'm worse than all my friends at everything I do, not just League. I have nothing that makes me special or unique, just a big ball of mediocrity, and my resulting total lack of self-confidence means I collapse under pressure easily.

Now I'm stuck having to make yet another account and trying again a fifth time, once again having no champions I want to play, no neat skins for any of them, being unable to play with any friends because of the skill difference.

I just don't know how much more of this I can take. I can't even just quit the game either, I don't want to admit that I failed. So I can't quit, I can't play with friends, I can't play any of the stuff I enjoy since I don't HAVE any of it anymore. Short of spending several hundred dollars to re-buy everything I've ever owned, which isn't realistic.

I just... I don't know anymore. I really don't.

35 Comments

Eunson8/15/2017, 9:44:40 PM4 votes

Just play the game to have fun, the way it was designed. If you're not having fun then find a hobby you enjoy not just because your friends play.

PS: Maybe ask your friends for some lessons about what you're doing wrong? That's what friends are for after all.

Soraka is SO HOT8/15/2017, 10:52:24 PM3 votes

2 years ago, I was addicted to a particularly addictive benzodiazepine which was improperly prescribed to me long-term for chronic nausea & vomiting.

Accidently OD'd & almost died.

League helped me through the horrifying cold turkey withdrawal and now I am the successful director of a medical clinic @ 24 years old... the youngest female in my agency to ever hold such a high position.

Even still, I know I merely replaced one addiction (drugs) with another (gaming). Drugs and video games (and sex) stimulate the exact same dopamine (reward) and other 'happy' centers in the brain.

Mindful moderation is key, but...

TL;DR: Have some sex!

Queenpin8/16/2017, 8:36:37 PM2 votes

Okie. I'm going to be real with you here, so I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings but I think this is something that you might need to hear (even if you just pretend not to notice this and only reply to posts that allow you to wallow in self pity).

Honestly, I think you should just stop playing and that you should see a counselor or therapist. The game isn't even a game anymore... it's just a means to seemingly unattainable and hollow validation. Hollow, because frankly unless you're Challenger and trying to get into LCS your rank doesn't matter and it's not like your friends care about your rank if you're still friends anyway (and if they do oh my goodness find better friends). The problem isn't that you can't reach X Rank, that you lose, or even that you keep getting banned. The problem is you and your need to compare yourself so intensely to others and you need to take some time to deal with that.

Stay Close Dear8/16/2017, 1:09:31 PM2 votes

1st of all congratulations on having any sort of self awareness, most toxic players have none, you recognise your flaws

2nd thing you need to do is leave your false pride, its the source of your problem and is getting you nowhere, you really are where you belong in rank

If having a lower rank than other people makes you wanna give up on the game then the only reason you play it now is having a flashy badge to display and prove to others how good you are, this mindset will always hurt you, especially if you aren't a good player to begin with

Also notice how much importance you put on something that ceases to exist as soon as you unplug a wire Some people give the "play for fun" advice which I'm pretty sure is useless in your case since you most likely play to win

If you want to win and improve your rank :

accept that you just aren't a good player then, instead of wallowing in self pity try to improve to most people nothing comes easy, including your league rank, accept that you have to work for it like 99% of the playerbase there are tons and tons of resources on how to become better at league, forums, youtube videos and so on, all for free, no reason for me to mention them here commit to getting better and put in the effort without expectation. accept it for what it is

some simple things you can do that will ALWAYS help :

-disable all chat completely. Treat the game as if you were playing coop vs npc bosses. Not having to deal with taunting, salt and whining of people you shouldnt deal with in the first place will make things a lot easier

-mute everyone at the start if you can't help your anger. whatever happens don't type. if you want to type, first ask yourself - is this REALLY gonna help with anything other than releasing my frustration. if not - just dont. destroy furniture instead or whatever. Ping system in league is wonderful and allows effective communication without any words.

-if you want to play badly but dont feel good, go to ranked flex, leave solo duo for when you feel like commiting to the game

If you follow this over time you will improve, as you improve you will gain more respect for yourself and other players and possibly even stop comparing yourself to everyone else in league

Also I would recommend you visit a therapist and explore your emotional problems more, in game behavior just carries itself from personal life, just online there is more anonimity

blackid1018/15/2017, 10:54:07 PM1 votes

lmao its silver elo you really gotta get lucky lol

Illivashi8/15/2017, 11:41:20 PM1 votes

Ok, I'm not going to lie I laughed at first... but then I felt like a dick so I came back to give advise. If you really are affected that much by your performance in league and its actually affecting your emotions that severely... there is a path to get better. My steps:

  1. Determine the champions you love

  2. Find a twitch streamer that spams that champion

  3. Watch that stream religiously, not as entertainment but truly study things critically. Look at what they did, and whether it worked or failed and then make a note in your mind such as "I really think that is a great idea" or "he thinks this is a good idea, but I really don't think it works." Get an idea of how you should handle the majority of match ups... and then keep studying. Also look up different master's for those champions on na.op.gg. There will probably be variations in builds between them, and you don't have to follow these builds religiously but it is always good to understand what the high elo players are doing and why.

  4. Learn Macro: getting good at champions isn't enough, you may snow ball your lane but that doesn't mean you win. I have seen plenty of 6/0 toplaners crying that their team fed when the toplaner never even left his lane. Snowball, and then find ways to impact the rest of the map. There is nothing more tilting for an enemy bot lane than when they get camped by a toplaner from tps and from running down the lane if your champ is fast enough.

  5. Don't flame if you can help it. I am toxic myself but I have learned that even with an 0/10 botlane I have a better possibility of winning if I keep my mouth shut while trying to 1v9. Else the team will entirely turn off whatever small piece of their brain they are using and will truly just int.

  6. Spam normals until you never lose. People in normals probably don't know those champions super well... unless they are a one trick pony like me. Since they don't know those champions very well, you should get to the point that you always crush your opponents in normals while playing ur mains. That or at least until you can say "I played like a god that game" after a normal game loss.

  7. You are now cleared to play ranked.

Frivolous Fossa8/15/2017, 11:43:12 PM1 votes

I understand the frustration, the only thing I can say for advice though is kind of lame. I spam that mute button, because I don't want to flame anyone. Also just being self reflective is a huge thing. The more you can look at what you are doing and accept that you could have done something better, (and understanding what you could have done better) the more you will improve. Honestly though....muting is great...lol

Liquid Poro 8/15/2017, 11:47:39 PM1 votes

Chatlogs?

Telephone Booth8/15/2017, 11:58:38 PM1 votes

Hey. Enjoy your mediocrity. You're not special.. no one is. Being mediocre isn't bad. It's a video game. I think you've been influenced by this new culture of everyone being special and unique, and you've realized that you're not special or unique, so you feel bad. That's why I hate this snowflakey, overly sensitive trend I'm seeing in kids today. You don't need a special talent to be a good person or to feel good about yourself.

Maybe you're not a good person though if you've been banned 4 times because of emotional outbursts. Idk, maybe work on that and you'll feel some sense of pride getting over that phase. I don't know you or how you are as a person so I can't really say much to help. But you seem very focused on keeping up with everyone else, and that needs to stop. They're good at a video game, whoopy. Big fucking deal. You're average. Deal with it. Accept it. Drop the ego, do things that you find fun to you, not things where you feel if you're good at it, you're proving something.

HonestJohnTheCon8/15/2017, 10:20:05 PM1 votes

Relatable sometimes. But as the saying goes, "Jack of all trades, master of none." You just gotta work at it.

My advice? Find a champion that clicks, both with gameplay and personality, and play them a lot, as you can get a LOT more out of the game.

Another tip? Try checking out the lore. It's actually really interesting, and you could find something you really like about a champion. The lore is half the reason I play a champ; if they don't have one I like, I won't enjoy them as much.

Playing ARAM helps too, as you can try out champs you normally wouldn't try out, and you could even have a lot of fun with it.

Reading guides on hidden tricks (orb-walking, kiting, csing, attack move, etc.) can help A LOT. My winrate went from 0-9 to 1-9 in ranked. Heheh... my placements sucked.

Just keep playing and take a break if you feel like you're getting burnt out.

BerylCrab8/15/2017, 10:33:05 PM1 votes

Have you ever tried asking your friends for advise? what do they say?