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Sincere apology & Ask for Retribution [Graphic Warning]

Killerofallgods·12/8/2016, 6:55:03 PM·2 votes·1,021 views

Hello,

My name is Eric but people who know me on League call me Killer. I have been playing League of Legends since the end of Season 2, initially making this account mid season 1. This post isn't to complain about a punishment or system moderation. This post is to apologize to Riot and the community of League of Legends. I would like to seek retribution as a player for all my behavior over the last several months. Before you jump to any conclusions and say this is just another toxic player looking to get un-banned, please read my entire post and let me explain my entire predicament.

To begin, I would like to explain who I am, I am 18 years of age, living in Canada as a landed Immigrant apart of a German family, I have 3 total siblings, each of them much older than I. I am an athlete, computer nerd, artist and many more things. Over the last 4 years of my life, I have been fighting a battle with depression, from feeling disappointed in myself when I make a mistake, or if I feel I do not live up to my siblings. Through the last 4 years I had attempted suicide 11 times, the last being the closest point I have ever been to death. I don't remember what happiness feels like, and for a lot of you who are reading this, you might not understand how that is possible. Let me explain it to you. Wikipedia defines happiness as a mental or emotional state of well-being defined by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. I had not been happy for a very very long time, and this was no one but my owns fault. I do not expect each and every person who is going to read this to understand this completely. I had bad days, I had horrible days and I had okay days. The days when I thought nothing else could possibly go wrong, I would play League of Legends, it was an escape from reality, from my depression. I often went into games with an extremely negative state of mind, which led me to be a very toxic player, and I don't blame anyone but myself. As time went on I began to realize I was one of the people in the community who is labelled as toxic, at this point I had become a part of a team. The people on this team had become some of my closest friends. They knew what I deal with on a day to day basis, and tried to help me, whether to make my bad days better, or be a better player in game. We were working together to help me become less toxic every week. This was a process, not something that can be done overnight, and it took me a long time to realize this. I am extremely grateful for having these people as they help me still.

Moving on from that, I would like to address the purpose of this post now, I would like to formally apologize to the entire League Community as well as Riot themselves, I understand that I am in the wrong, and I fully understand that I was given numerous warnings. Being that as it may, I would like to ask for a second chance, not only from the community but from Riot, my account currently sits in a permanent ban state, and I know I deserved it, I had one of my really bad days, and said a lot of things in the course of 5 games that I most definitely shouldn't have. I know the mistake I made, and would like to ask for a second chance to fix that same mistake. I was not banned today, or yesterday, I was banned a few weeks ago, I waited to make this post because at first it didn't feel like a big deal, but I didn't realize how apart of my life League of Legends has become, it brings me good times with friends when I am having horrid days, it brings me a relaxed state of mind when I am having a panic attack as to what I am doing in my life. I know a lot of you may think I do not deserve a second chance, or that I made this entire post as an attention seeker, and in reality, yes I did make it as an attention seeker, I want to bring attention me, a toxic player, looking to better myself. I know I can do it, not alone, but with the help of my friends, and professional help which I now attend in real life. So all in all, with the community and Riots approval, I would like a second chance to prove that I will no longer be a toxic player, I will no longer be a person no one wants to be in a game with. This is my cry for help to the community and to Riot, help me better, for I cannot do it alone. Please.

Sincerely and truthfully, Eric

16 Comments

yoshi279012/8/2016, 7:02:40 PM2 votes

Before you jump to any conclusions and say this is just another toxic player looking to get un-banned, please read my entire post and let me explain my entire predicament.

Okay let's see...

I would like to ask for a second chance,

wait a minute..

I would like a second chance to prove that I will no longer be a toxic player, I will no longer be a person no one wants to be in a game with. This is my cry for help to the community and to Riot

Yup, definetly another player looking to get unbanned.

midnight oil2412/8/2016, 7:28:52 PM1 votes

Just make another account and try harder. I know what depression is like, but try to not let it affect your interactions with others in game. If you start another account, I'd be happy to friend you.

BrainDeadSkill12/8/2016, 7:37:19 PM1 votes

Nooo... if riot pity you who pity me :(? why riot should unban u? how can you be trusted?

ModKnightsKemplar12/8/2016, 8:22:26 PM1 votes

So, I've listened, and unlike many of the people here, I am sympathetic to your cause. So hear me out.

Most players who are slow to reform (and you admitted you are one), only do so under threat of punishment. That is why systems like this exist. It's there as a reminder that there are consequences for your actions. And that is why your account NEEDS to stay banned.

If they unbanned it, you would be even more likely to go back to trolling and being toxic, because the consequences of doing so the first time were undone. The best thing, FOR YOU, at this point is to keep the account banned. Many players, even with the best of intentions, NEED a banned account under their belt to improve. They need that reminder.

You may or may not be one of those players. But it doesn't matter. Everyone who is toxic enough to get banned gets treated like one of those players. I'll use the analogy of cheating in a classroom. As an instructor at the college level, I don't let my good students sit right next to each other, even though I know they won't cheat. They don't need OR want to. But that doesn't matter. There are people in the class who would, and it is important that I treat all the students equally, even if that has negative ramifications for some of them. Unfair ramifications.

The fact is, you were toxic, and now you exist as part of that population. That population contains people who need their account to stay banned. In the interest of fairness, your account will also stay banned. If you didn't want that to happen, you should have reformed faster.

And DO NOT TELL ME you "could not have reformed faster." Most of us don't have to reform at all, because we aren't toxic. You are right, this was your fault, and part of getting out of your depression is accepting the consequences that you bring on yourself and learning to live with them. You will make a new account and be fine.