Why Being Banned For Me Was A Good Thing

Before I start, yes I was banned, fairly so. Tl;dr, I recognised the game had become an addiction, throwing my savings into it, losing partners and friends and making me alienate myself.

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I started the game back in March 2015, by my then-girlfriend telling me to join in. I downloaded it, knowing about the game, wasn't curious about it until then. But I got hooked, like most of us do. First skins I ever bought was Justicar Aatrox and Heartseeker Ashe. My first year ended with a Silver Placement, which I was pleased with. Moved on to the following season, and this is where I became too comptetitive. I played hundreds on hundreds of normal games, letting them become my idea of ranked games, but I was still learning so for the most part I was comfortable, Finished the year on Gold 5, got the Maokai skin, super chuffed.

Then season 7 rolled around and it all went to shit. Because of my competitiveness, my attitude would become toxic if I wasn't playing with friends. That isn't to say I wasn't enjoying the game, I very much was. And with the release of the Mastery Levels, even more so. It gave me something else to achieve. During that season I got chat banned and then a 14-day ban, again, fairly, although I don't regret my actions for them. I said it in fairness and against other abuse. But that's not the point. I finished Gold, but because of the ban, no Vic skin. I. Was. Pissed. Mainly at myself, which made me even more toxic.

Season 8 rolls around. By this time, I've sunk literally thousands of dollars into the game, owned every skin I possibly could, including the Hextech, had the 4th highest mastery in OCE, and was still having fun. But the toxicity remained. I was still trying to play my hardest and I had the mentality of "If I'm playing at my best everyone else must be" - which couldnt be more wrong. After another 14-day ban for saying something about nazis (not too fair, honestly, given that I was actually telling someone off, but still) I started to hate the game. Loathe it and the people that played it. I became a recluse, choosing to do my own thing.

By the end of 2018, I had been permabanned for saying the cruellest thing I have probably ever said, and was I remorseful? You fucking bet. Not because I spent $9k AUD on it, but because I noticed how far my addiction to the game had dragged me down and forced myself to suffer, resulting in the worst possible side of me to surface and brutally attack anyone that spoke out. And to the person that I had messaged regarding it, if you remember the username PerkyNipNops, I am truly sorry. You didn't deserve the brutal rant I gave to you, and I shouldn't have said it at all.

But even then I was compelled to play until one day... I just chose to stop.

I still don't know why, but I'm glad I did. Don't get me wrong, I'm still on, playing on this account, but far less so. Normally i'd do 7-10 games a day, but now it's more 1-2 a week. There's no toxicity, and I'm more comfortable.

What I'm trying to get at guys, is that the game is addictive. Don't do what I did and let it control your life. Take a break, and try something else. Play something different then come back, and you'll see how much you have changed.

For me, being permabanned was a good thing. While I would like to eventually ask for my account back (since it still has 82 skin shards and 1800 rp on it as well as every skin up until the end of season 8, accruing $9500 aud on it), it made me realise how different I was to 3 (now 4) years ago. The game changed me because I let it. It's an addiction, and all addictions change you.

Don't become like me. If you think you play too much, you probably are. And if you need help, get it. Don't just brush it off like I did.

Anyway, I just thought I'd show my insight, best of luck out there guys.