I've come a long way... for the better. ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪

This is going to be a long post, I apologize. And a FYI at the front: No, I'm not banned or punished or anything else. Quite the opposite! Read on. :D

Anyways, I started League in mid-December of 2015, thanks to the consistent prodding of one of my friends. I had quickly got into it, enjoying the game a good bit. I've probably also spent probably a lot more money than I should have on the game, and mostly on champions - which most people would probably disagree with. I've always been a sort of impatient person, and the concept of playing tons and tons of games to slowly gather IP for champions never appealed to me, and I instead relied on the wallet. I've never really played Bot games or Customs or ARAM or any mode except 5v5 SR PVP, except for the mandatory tutorials and few Bot games needed to access PVP in the first place. Even now, I've only recently began playing ARAM and 3v3s to a small extent, but 5v5s still remain the most fun for me. I've never really seen the appeal of playing against bots, as they never responded, nor did they really try to counterplay or counterbuild or anything else for that matter.

I've always had the most fun in PVP, because there, I get to play both with and against people. It's been a source of a large number of memories for me, and not all good, but I didn't mind usually. I had heard rumors about just how bad it could get, and I thought, "Meh, good with the bad." But I still enjoyed games overall whether or not I won in most cases, and I still found joy in this game.

Towards the end of December/early January-ish (can't recall exactly when), I had completely screwed up. Yes, I had the joy of playing against some of the most toxic smurfs I had seen ever, yes, it was very late and I was cranky, and yes, I had the absolute pleasure of getting to go against them in the very next game I was in as well. However, that did not excuse my behavior at all. I had been absolutely disgusting to both my teammates as well as the enemies, spewing all sorts of vulgarities and garbage and frantically smashing my keyboard. I blamed everyone except myself for the two losses, whether or not it was valid, and I had been an absolutely awful person. Within a few minutes of the first game with them ending, I had gotten a warning that my behavior was heading off-track, but I paid it no attention, as I figured, hey, I'm not going to play with those people again, and I can trust myself to cooldown. I was wrong. After that game, I was still extremely heated, and I should have in all rights taken a break from the game or just went to bed (it being around 1:30 AM if my memory serves me right). However, determined to plow on and secure at least one victory before going to bed, I went in for another.

I was set against the same group, and from the very start of the game, I immediately went on to trash-talk the enemy team and talk about how rude and horrible and toxic they were, failing to see through my own hypocrisy and ignorance of acting that way. It went on, and we promptly also got stomped once more, and I quit, fuming. Shortly after, probably within just a few minutes, I had gotten a notification that I was banned for two weeks due to my behavior. That's right, two weeks. No chat restrictions before. Just the warning that I should have had paid attention to, but disregarded because I was an absolutely stubborn and idiotic ass back then. The ban initially made me furious, because being quite late, my tired mind instantly went to blame the enemy team again, trying to pin all the fault on them and dodge my own. I went to bed to sleep on it, and in the next morning, I thought on it again.

It was completely my own fault. Whether or not the enemy team was this or that or whatever else they were, I had no rights to completely ruin the game for both my teammates and the others. It was not even the entire enemy team being toxic, it was solely two of them. Yet, I had refused to mute, I had refused to heed the warning, and I refused to try and get any better. Instead, I had continually devolved until I was no better than them, or even worse. Whether or not I had been the sole source, I had most definitely fueled the flames and negativity, and after mulling over everything, I realized that it was entirely just.

Now, it'd be a lie to say that made me instantly accept everything and go on happy-go-lucky for two weeks and instantly reform. I was still upset, but the self-reflection had made me less hardheaded, and actually focus on my own faults. I thought about various ways I could become better and how I could grow and become more mature at handling situations specifically like that, where it seemed like the whole world was out to get me, in my irrational thoughts. I planned to become civil enough to handle any case in-game, and offer everyone at least basic courtesy, and if they still bit me back, then I'd simply mute and move on. More than that though, I simply let League stop filling my mind and I took a break to go and enjoy life back in the real world.

This experience had helped me there too, as I became better at dealing with people in general, and becoming even kinder in situations where there was no such aggravation. In the cases there were, I simply smiled and played the peacemaker in a legitimate way, not just resorting to flaming or shouting back at them. And, surprise, surprise~! It worked out quite well. I grew a lot friendlier with people I was more or less just slight acquaintances with in places I frequented often, and I managed to get a lot done and sorted with my life within the two-week time-out.

It'd also be a lie to say that I just one day instantly realized the ban was over. However, surprisingly enough, I wasn't just watching the clock every single second of the day to see when it would end. I went around and enjoyed my life, and barely even remembered it till the last few days. After checking back around then, I realized two weeks had gone by in an instant. Waiting out the last few days was a bit of impatient struggling, but I managed, and I kept the values that I reformed myself to close when the time had finally come.

I also realized that Honors had been reset upon the two-week ban, which I realized was normal upon such. But instead of getting upset at losing the ones I had, I viewed it as an opportunity to start over with a clean slate. As of now, I have 17/9/51/38. I might not be some sort of holy Messiah, but I'm definitely not the sort of person I once was either. After finally coming back to League after a two-week long chance to think about everything and change myself for the better, I've definitely grown to enjoy games a lot more. Even if my teammates might not be doing the best, I offer them encouragement or tell them not to worry that much. If my teammates do good or get a kill or objective, I don't even have to mentally think about it, I just went and praised them. It felt a lot more natural, and with me being in good spirits most of the time, it also helped the general mood of the game - for both my team and the other.

Whether or not I won, whether or not someone was toxic, I realized flaming someone or trying to act all tough really wasn't that important. I mean, sure, it might make me feel better in that few moments of anger, but a few moments of irrational anger wasn't worth losing my account. And it really wasn't worth getting upset over in the first place. When the Hextech System came out, I was like, "Well, that's neat." Soon after, I had realized, as did many others, many people were locked out - myself included. However, by then, I had already well come to terms with my own behavior in the past and I fully accepted it. It still didn't stop me from trying my best and helping out teammates and striving for the S anyways. Before the Hextech System was here, S rank was the highest anyways, without any further incentives. It wasn't much different, but now knowing it was there, it was a goal to work towards rather than a missed opportunity to rage at.

League is a game, and games are there for fun - although some people also play competitively. I respect both types of people, and I understand the clashes, but I try to be the one to help soothe them over if I notice one rising, the peacemaker if you will. And all in all, I've achieved a good number of things, such as getting S ranks, my first Quadra (Almost a Penta but a teammate unintentionally AA'd the last. I'll admit, I was a bit miffed, but it was all in good nature, after all, we as a team still got the kill. And the knowledge that I was able to essentially get a Penta was fun to think about), a few more Quadras later on with time, playing with really kind people that I'm quite good friends with now, getting to Level 30 (finally), and a lot more.

Just an hour or so ago (it's taking me a while to consider everything in writing my thoughts out here), I had a great game (with Kassadin, on note; I find him extremely fun, yay Kass). At the end-game lobby, I realized the message there was different. Instead of the message reminding me I was ineligible, instead, a message that I had received a Key-Frag had popped up. I was surprised, but then I realized the full significance of what it meant. I had finally reached a goal I had been working towards, and now I was recognized for reforming. It made me happy, and it solidified the fact that reforming is still a very real thing and not just an illusion or conspiracy that Riot made up, contrary to what some people here would have me or others believe.

If you're here, I assume that's one of two things. You're either too lazy and didn't want to read the full wall of text, to which I don't blame you, it'd take a while to read. Or, you took the effort to take a look at my thoughts, to which I thank you. I'd prefer if you were the latter, but if you're the former, I won't hold it against you either. And for the former, the quick summary you've been waiting for:

Don't give up, guys. It's not unrealistic to get better. I've gotten an instant 2-week ban pretty much, which is the closest below instantly being permanently banned. And guess what? I've made good hard judgments and took strong actions towards my own behavior, and look at where I am today. I'd say I reformed a good bit, and Riot recognizes it too now I'd say. Win-win?

To those that want to just blame Riot and sit there... well, okay. Have fun with that... I guess?

To the others looking to reform or get better though, I have all the respect in this world for you. I know things might be tough, but that doesn't justify what you or I did, no matter how much we might want or try to rationalize it to be. The first step to getting better is looking at where one went wrong.

So yeah, woohoo~! Cheers!

[slayer-pantheon-thumbs]

http://www.auplod.com/u/dopula78624.png Thanks to The Dunk God for the awesome sig!