how do I improve?

WARNING I curse alot and I don't know if the forums have a filter I'm also too lazy to go over everything I said and edit that shit out You've been warned

Generally it feels like I'm doing good in games, I win my lane most of the time and I feel like the opposing champions rarely even pose a challenge to me. On some rare occasions I get matched up with someone who actually plays well, jukes my abilities and trade decently, the lane is harder but I'm not mad I just get excited at the prospect of facing someone challenging... But there's a problem. I think I play well, Sometimes I play very agressively and get multiple kills but... rarely I'll be 4-0 at 10 mins cause when I do I can snowball the game and push a win easily, If I could get that kind of score every time I would be way higher rank. However I never Feed someone this kind of score no matter what lane I play but what I wonder is why is it that every game sombody gets this.

Seriously every game I play no matter what one guy will go 4-0 before 10 minutes and start destroying everything. How does this happen? I'm not complaining that oh, I hate facing someone who's that fed, this happens on my team too. Someone on my team will go with this kind of score and snowball the hell out of the game.... we win but... I don't feel like I did anything really, honestly I held my lane and was something like 2-1 or 1-0-2 before I leave my lane and start teamfighting. I feel like that's a good start but then you got a xin running around destroying everyone like it's not even a challenge and I'm supposed to sit here and be like... yay? we won?

I think the problem lies in how matchups aren't really made fair... I mean in my elo nobody really knows what a counterpick is, generally I don't look up every champ I play against to see who counters it best, I just know when picking which one of my mains I'd rather bring to the fight against certain champs from experience... But I've played probAbly thousands of games now and still I can't just kills people 4 times in a row like these guys do unless they literally act like they don't know what they're doing in the slightest. I mean honestly when someone starts losing they generally sit in their turret. after 2 kills I absolutely have to be in the turret's aggro to deal any damage to them OR attack the turret and get hit by them...

how is this fair? how come does someone in each game I play is either is SO SKILLED they can do what I can only do if I'm extremely lucky and/or my opponent has down syndrome while i'm sitting here thinking aout abilities, damage types, timing, warding and whatever happens I get 2 kills off my lane on a good day?

And don't get me wrong, I often get super fed early and that's fun but most of the time I can't do anything with it because no matter how strong I may be, everyone I try to fight has both flash and ignite and the whole team is ready to back them up just around the corner as if they were expecting me. Everytime I get ahead in the game, and this happens mostly when I jungle, I get a kill top, my botlane gets doublekilled. I give my midlaner firstblood, the enemy toplaner kills mine with a huge cs advantage. Why teh fuck does everyone have such a hard time with riven? I eat rivens for breakfast!

Honestly I very rarely face someone with skills enough to even beat me in cs...

Am I fucking up in teamfights? I mean idk... My whole team is behind me sometimes and I go in and die fidning they all scattered

Or they are close enough to help but literally do nothing until I've died...

And teamfights usually aren't a problem either I mean I can gage what the enemy team can do and what my team can do... I know annie can tibbers me and I make a point that if I go in on an annie with passive charged that I immediately flash out of the way. I don't know how many times I avoided a tibbers stun and I don't understand how people still get caught by it.

I feel like I'm better than my elo but I really hate saying that! I'm stuck here and I'm at least 90% sure that if I am I DESERVE to be here.

I really love this game and it frustrates me that I'm unable to compete... most skilled players I talk to post game tell me they used to be gold they used to be plat or they're going for diamond this season and what the hell, they aren't much better than me!

There's got to be something I'm missing or maybe the matchmaking is just determined to use me as fodder for the rest of my life. Maybe they think I'm too cocky or maybe I don't play well with others... I don't support people who feed and encourage them enough to be safe and stick next to me and I'll protect them... because I can't... I can't do a thing about you running into a fed pantheon's face and get rekt and beleive me I try sometimes... it gets me killed alot! it's great when you save someone from certain death and they get away with a silver of health and even though they are too busy running to type "Ty" you can see it in the way they walk so close to you that they feel safe.. they are thankful.. and that is an amazing feeling but they don't realise how many times this kind of thing has gotten me killed...

I realise this is a team game and you have to help and trust your team... this is why I don't play dota because that game was all about being fed as hell and destroying the entire enemy team yourself... I guess league used to be that game's counterpart but it's starting to feel like it isn't...

Am I a bad leader?

Am I a bad follower?

Am I both?

What am I doing wrong?

that was a long post... I feel like I have so much more to say... I feel like I've invested so much time into this game and I don't know what to do anymore. I... guess.. this is a call for help. I want to "Get gud scrub" But I don't want to be a scrub... I don't feel like I am so why the fuck should I listen to these 12 year old twats who somehow got a 2gran computer to play on when Im sweating my ass off just to pay rent and play on my shitty 7 year old rekt laptop that I need to point a damn fan on so it doesn't overheat and drop my framerate to 7

I'll stop now... Maybe I'll come back and vent some more... it's a little liberating...

PS: I'm silver 3 and I need help