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How do I stop being toxic

Joyi·3/22/2018, 6:36:38 PM·3 votes·1,044 views

i flame people

not all the time but probably in atleast 1/3 of all the games I play. I don't flame people outright but I belittle them and I try to make them feel like they are inadequate players and unintelligent people. I use my ability at debating to reason why they are worse than me and I shut down their responses.

Often this spirals and me demeaning someone for a bad play will turn into them intentionally griefing me, which I will then further flame.

I don't know how to stop. I'm competitive and emotional by nature, but logical in my response. I say I want to win but I'm not stupid, logically if I flame it is a further contribution to a loss, logically if I flame my goal has shifted from wanting to win to wanting to make a player feel bad about themself, even if a win isn't out of sight.

I enjoy winning at League Of Legends, and my favourite role to play is adc. A role which, oddly, is the most dependant on your team - however to call me a team player would be to bring back the dead.

I can't recall ever intentionally feeding before but I have recently. My desire to make one player lose and feel bad about how they temporarily affected my life was strong enough to make me not care about the other people on my team. And as soon as they started commenting, I justified myself by saying they deserved to lose too.

I tell myself I want to get better but I can't evidence that when I'm the only one standing in the way of myself. I've quit this game about 3 times, each for about a year but I come back and every time I do - I am toxic.

These are not issues for me in real life. I am supportive to my friends, helpful to the people I care about and selfless to those who do me no wrong. If my acquaintances saw my behaviour on league - I would be embarrassed. However I do not know how to stop.

I don't know if I can stop.

When I tilt, it isn't as simple as having a streak of bad games. Missing 3 cs can make me want to afk. An even remotely bad play from my team can make me shout and my own bad plays have caused me to damage my own possessions multiple times. I had to buy a new desk because I punched through over 8 layers of veneer and severely bruised my hand. My new desk is already dented.

I have 5 permanently banned accounts and 3 temporarily banned accounts including this one.

I enjoy games, but I don't. I have a problem and I don't know what to do.

14 Comments

Vapor Wave Vibes3/22/2018, 6:39:55 PM1 votes

Unbind your enter key and stop inting. How you stop being toxic

OtomCold3/22/2018, 6:58:34 PM1 votes

Have you tried to condition yourself to no longer tilt after certain triggers in custom games / training tool?

My desire to make one player lose and feel bad about how they temporarily affected my life was strong enough to make me not care about the other people on my team. And as soon as they started commenting, I justified myself by saying they deserved to lose too.

Figuring out why these things occur is your best possible alley to begin your reforming process. If you can identify key elements that cause you to feel a certain way, then understand the emotions you are receiving, you can then change your behavior.

You can use any kind of paper or even document file and write down the causes and emotions that occurred due to each cause / action. The more you learn about yourself and how you perceive things while playing League of Legends, the better prepared you will be to make changes.

Starting your changes

Try to be have a positive outlook on events and try to compliment your teammates on good plays. Each time you feel a triggering event occur, go with deep breath cycles and focus on something else for the time being, work on "buffers" that can help you control urges to hit your desk.

If you already understand that other players will make mistakes, you will encounter trolls occasionally and you prepare yourself mentally for it you can avoid the big emotion outburst that occurs when you see these things.

There are countless strategies that can be used but if you better understand the why's and how's of your own emotions and what causes them, you will be able to construct your own strategy that works for you.

[slayer-pantheon-thumbs] Hope this helps a little.

BADWOLF95473/22/2018, 7:17:37 PM1 votes

/mute all

LordofStone3/22/2018, 7:23:41 PM1 votes

{quoted}

i flame people

not all the time but probably in atleast 1/3 of all the games I play. I don't flame people outright but I belittle them and I try to make them feel like they are inadequate players and unintelligent people. I use my ability at debating to reason why they are worse than me and I shut down their responses.

Often this spirals and me demeaning someone for a bad play will turn into them intentionally griefing me, which I will then further flame.

I don't know how to stop. I'm competitive and emotional by nature, but logical in my response. I say I want to win but I'm not stupid, logically if I flame it is a further contribution to a loss, logically if I flame my goal has shifted from wanting to win to wanting to make a player feel bad about themself, even if a win isn't out of sight.

I enjoy winning at League Of Legends, and my favourite role to play is adc. A role which, oddly, is the most dependant on your team - however to call me a team player would be to bring back the dead.

I can't recall ever intentionally feeding before but I have recently. My desire to make one player lose and feel bad about how they temporarily affected my life was strong enough to make me not care about the other people on my team. And as soon as they started commenting, I justified myself by saying they deserved to lose too.

I tell myself I want to get better but I can't evidence that when I'm the only one standing in the way of myself. I've quit this game about 3 times, each for about a year but I come back and every time I do - I am toxic.

These are not issues for me in real life. I am supportive to my friends, helpful to the people I care about and selfless to those who do me no wrong. If my acquaintances saw my behaviour on league - I would be embarrassed. However I do not know how to stop.

I don't know if I can stop.

When I tilt, it isn't as simple as having a streak of bad games. Missing 3 cs can make me want to afk. An even remotely bad play from my team can make me shout and my own bad plays have caused me to damage my own possessions multiple times. I had to buy a new desk because I punched through over 8 layers of veneer and severely bruised my hand. My new desk is already dented.

I have 5 permanently banned accounts and 3 temporarily banned accounts including this one.

I enjoy games, but I don't. I have a problem and I don't know what to do.

Just stop playing for awhile and use your mute button. I just got my 14 day ban this year after playing this from day one. I don't play much anymore and there are better games out there to get your competitive nature soaring. However, this is not one you can freely express yourself at and keep your account. Leave that computer at home and go get some physical activity. I went back to spending more time doing BJJ and less time in front of the keyboard, it does wonders for your perspective. Take care friend.

ViciousSummoner3/22/2018, 8:01:00 PM1 votes

Play less games like 3 per week max sort of less.

HalcyonDweller3/22/2018, 8:09:54 PM1 votes

Well being toxic usually comes from being frustrated, and that usually comes from teammates not understanding or respecting your wishes. To get teammates to understand and respect your wishes, you need to make them listen to you. To get people to listen to you, you first have to win their respect. You can do this by being polite and thoughtful in how you ask for help... unless they're arrogant or toxic people - in which case the only way to get that respect is to play well and not lose.

It's something that requires ongoing effort, rather than something you can do after you've already become ticked off. You have to build people up, and head off any blame-gaming before it happens.

One thing that might help if you don't already do it is to take advantage of verb tense to guide discussions in more productive directions. A lot of the time that people act toxic, they are focusing in the past tense to lay blame at people's feet or present tense to imply insulting qualities about a person. If you can keep the conversation moving in the future tense, it can often circumvent a lot of the blaming and arguing that gets in the way.

For example, "Can you gank for me soon? I need to get an advantage over this opponent." Instead of, "pls gank I've been ganked like a bajillion times by them." The reason for this is that the first statement is more focused on future, while the latter statement implies that your jungler did not measure up to the enemy jungler in terms of pressure.

If a person tries to incite a blame game or a flame war with you, just talk about future decisions rather than about what already happened. Like if they say, "you fed" or "you picked stupid champ" you can say, "That can't be changed, let's focus on what we can do. We should do X to accomplish Y which will contribute to winning the game."

If you want a deeper analysis on how verb tense affects discussions feel free to let me know, I can paste a blurb or provide references to help.

Telephone Booth3/22/2018, 10:11:37 PM1 votes

It's on you bud. No one can magically make you stop being an asshole. Just show some God damn willpower and stop yourself. You are being a spoiled little brat with no discipline. Try looking at it that way. Have some discipline, prove to yourself you have the willpower to control your emotions. You're not a little baby. You can do it. Only you can do it.

MF is my Waifu3/22/2018, 10:30:58 PM1 votes

It should come to you around the age of 17 or 18. Not everyone develops at the same rate, of course.

MadViking3/22/2018, 10:41:31 PM1 votes

Mute your team. Entirely. Even that doesn't always work.