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I was toxic... Almost three years ago. This is my story.

Jojobees·1/9/2019, 9:03:32 PM·29 votes·15,902 views

When I made my account, I was just a freshman in high-school, 13 years old, and by all definitions immature and malleable. League of Legends was the first truly competitive game that I have played, and like many other kids my age, I had dreams of going pro.

I got into ranked, and the community in general was toxic. Calling people out on their mistakes, setting the blame on others, and generally being an ass was the norm. Even when I was playing with my friends, we'd cuss at each other during games and blame each other for losses. In the next game, we'd get over it, wash rinse and repeat. To me, this was normal.

I played the game on and off for a few years, then got back into it really seriously my first year of college. I think that's when I got my first warning, a 10-25 game chat restrict (I don't remember exactly). In game I'd be frustrated at the limited number of messages available, and save them to really unload on someone who I thought really screwed up. Basically I didn't take the warnings seriously because all of my friends at the time had chat restrictions in the past, but still talked in game the same way.

My first ban was on this account and really messed me up, frankly I'm embarrassed about my reaction and my first ticket was titled "I'm a sad, sad person who might kill himself over a permaban, we'll see". I was determined to never get another account banned, so I installed an application called AutoHotKey, which can be used to disable your enter key while in League of Legends. But... that didn't last, and I got a second banned account shortly after.

-The Second Account I dropped out of college (for unrelated reasons), and got back into ranked with desperation. I didn't have a job, and I was convinced that my only hope of 'making it' was to get to diamond, start streaming, and eventually go pro. I got into the game with the wrong attitude, however. I was in a rush to rank up quickly, and spent more time getting mad about every loss than I spent trying to improve my own play. Most games I'd wind up disabling AutoHotKey to vent my pent-up frustrations.

I got the same warnings as on my first account, but I ignored them. I was thinking "if I just get to gold/plat/diamond, people will be more chill and I can focus more on just improving my game". I was wrong, but you already knew that. The problem is I never changed my attitude towards the game, and although I did rank up, I ranked up painfully slow, and barely improved my own gameplay. My second account was banned shortly after.

-The Third Account It took me a while to actually get to level 30 on my current account, and during the beginning I have to admit I was still toxic. Nothing had really changed.

Until everything changed. One day my dad (desperate to get me to do something productive with my life) saw an ad for a new pilot program opening up in town. League wasn't going my way, so what did I have to lose?

I quickly lost most of my free time, and with it, most of my skill in the game. I stopped playing as much, and as competitively.

Then something happened... I got to platinum, higher than I had ever been before. How? I wasn't playing as competitively, I lost most of my skill, and I had transferred to the support role from mid/top.

I'll tell you how. When I stopped playing with that "I need to win" mindset, and started playing for fun, I had been kinder to my teammates, more supportive, more forgiving for others mistakes, because I know I make them too. That loading screen tip about positive players winning more games, I finally realized just how true that was.

-Conclusion I won't lie to you. There have been times where I have found myself slipping back into old habits of toxicity. But those times have become fewer and farther between. It took me almost three years, but I finally realize just how toxic I was. My permaban finally makes sense. I hope my story strikes a chord with many others out there, and maybe it will even help some people make that shift in opinion they so desperately need to avoid a permanent suspension. You don't want to go down that path, permanent is a hell of a long time.

I share my story because I wish that before I was banned, I had someone share their story with me. Even though it might not have changed anything. I also share my story to beseech RIOT to give me a second chance. Next time you have an unban experiment, contact me. I guarantee that you will not regret it.

69 Comments

Butterwood1/9/2019, 10:13:45 PM3 votes

So are you a pilot now??

The Highest Noon1/10/2019, 5:36:58 PM3 votes

Man that song made all the difference lmao

See, this is one of the major issues with the system--it fails to address the problems that already exist in the game which lead to toxicity in the first place. You look at professional players and streamers, they're always shouting and cursing and flaming. You look at in-game chat, people are always cursing and arguing and flaming. And this is what you see as someone getting into the game. Then you're punished.

What am I being punished for? This is what everyone is doing!

So you don't change, because you didn't begin the game thinking that what you did was wrong; it's as normal to you as conversation.

Everybody else is doing it just fine, right?

"But you shouldn't vent in-game. Do it out loud." -Riot "Talking with the people involved with your stress is many times more effective and mentally stabalizing than those that aren't." -Psychology

Basically, it's the same problem with people report-signalling and asking the enemy team to report others too. They don't know any better, because everyone else is doing it. When I started the game, nobody anywhere said that multiple reports don't actually increase the likelihood of there being punishment. Nobody anywhere said that you shouldn't point out mistakes, no matter how respectful you are. Aside from those issues that aren't addressed anywhere via in-game tooltips or the Summoner's Code, there are many un-mentioned rules of the game that people get punished for, yet I feel that if those issues were directly mentioned then they probably wouldn't be issues. (Say, for example, if there was a report option for "Asking others to report someone" then people would stop doing it.)

All in all, I can really relate with your message. If there was someone around when I first begin to tell me why certain actions would lead to punishment and certain other actions would lead to success, I probably wouldn't have a 6-year old account banned and a second banned half a year later.

Arctic Dragon1/11/2019, 2:33:19 AM3 votes

Acting out based on maturity at the time is no excuse. What you should have done is to identify what you did wrong and accept it from the first ban. I know you had stated that you were 13, I get it you were a kid, but punishment is all about you learning from your mistakes. Consider it a life lesson, now that you are sharing your story, I have reason to believe you have done so. If you cannot get play a game of league without flaming your teammates /mute all, It'll save you from being tilted.

ZeroBlink1/9/2019, 10:18:46 PM3 votes

Let's get something straight. You're playing a highly competitive split second decision team game , with intense focus for 10-30minutes a game and a ranked system.

and your(the community's) problem is "toxicity??". Can anyone see the paradox here no? Plz stop propagating the idea that this game can Exist without someone going off at one point or other.

DO , use the mute function , it's 1 click , much easier than making the "toxicity" an issue , it is not.There's more negativity generated talking about toxicity than when you get flamed in game.THIS GAME is by design nerve racking.

Ultimately YOU fight to KILL other players , do you understand love?

Having said that if you're going to be toxic be toxic to yourself foremost.

Also I disagree with the notion that "having fun mentality" is better it's just an anecdotal experience that works for you, it ruins 90% of my games , because people just don't want to try. I play aram if I want to have "fun".

Raistlin1/9/2019, 9:21:58 PM2 votes

Did not read it all, but gosh, you overcomplicated things, it is common logic games will go smoother if teammates are relaxed. Problem is, If you reformed, do you think rest of the community is gonna follow :) NOPE 9/10 games i still play have a form of toxicity, this game encourages it and toxicity strived in it over the years. Players come and go, and the same or worse amount of toxicity perseveres in this game over the years, the banning system in this game is seriously flawed and mild.

I got banned by a premade after they triggered me to curse on them. I got banned for saying 1 word, while their chat was full of insults, the said premade is playing just to trigger others and lose their games, they die often intentionaly, ks kills(minion or player), try to trigger others so that they can spam report them after and that sort of stuff [zombie-brand-clap]

Last i checked they were still running rampant on my server, amongst many others who have words like ni*g3r , IF0cKyoF4m, in their names, and so on you can guess.

Most of my friends moved onto other games and other genres. I still come from time to time, but very rarely.

When was the last time you had two games in a row that made you feel good, win or lose? Right.

RF Pipez1/12/2019, 7:39:23 AM2 votes

The guy that runs it down mid, or steals your jungle camps all game doesn't get punished....but if you tell him "you are bad" or "you are trash" or god forbid you call him out on a bad play you are the most toxic human alive you deserve to be ban.

Thank god the real world isn't like this.

Monstermushmush1/10/2019, 12:56:21 AM2 votes

It's true. I always surprise my toxic teammates with positivity, even if the game is unwinnable. They just aren't as hostile when you're nice to them. If someone is 0/4 to a Riven, I just say, "Hmm... tough matchup. Keep trying tho! Don't give up!"

Zombie Gerbil1/10/2019, 3:55:35 AM2 votes

Well, I got a lot of mix emotions about this topic in general, and I am never one in for favor for giving a second chance. So I am not going to go by emotions on this one.

When Riot started doing this experiment, a lot of them failed. They just went back into the habit. Most players don't look to redeem themselves, because they honestly believe they're never in the wrong. They normally say they're in the wrong and tries to apologize just to get another chance. They're not here to improve their attitude, to them their attitude is irrelevant and they honestly believe they should be allowed to say whatever they please. That's why I personally always vote against it.

However, as for you, you share your own personal story while acknowledging your wrongs. That alone is a good step. A very small small SMALL few handfuls of players actually try to redeem themselves from the past 10 years I've been playing. But not a lot of them have succeeded in doing so.

So hope you do improve. Keep an eye out for the experiment. Also, keep submitting a ticket instead of posting on the board for another chance. The board doesn't really have the power to change anything on your ban. But I know you're just sharing your story. Good luck. I hope you are one of those few players who can redeem themselves and create a better gaming experience not just for yourself, but for everyone else you play with.

The Highest Noon1/10/2019, 5:22:07 PM2 votes

Wait gotta get the song playing before I read this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2QkKHmAJNs