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I can't take this any more. Nothing I try fixes this.

Micronova·12/30/2018, 6:09:03 PM·1 votes·4,039 views

It's always the same thing for me. I feel like I'm not doing good enough, I get so frustrated at myself that I feel like I HAVE to be punished for my poor performance.

You don't get punished for doing bad, though, so I instead have to say bannable things in order to get the punishment that I feel I deserve for letting teams down. This of course leads to me being banned, unsurprisingly.

I'm up to 10 banned accounts now, I think. I can't even just quit because then what am I supposed to tell myself? That I wasn't good enough after all and I was in fact a failure and a quitter?

I've had multiple therapists and been on medications, but none of it ever makes a difference. I'm just always overly cynical of myself and trying to get myself punished for every little slight.

Guess I have to just start account #11 then. I have 9 days left of the winter event to get the 1800 tokens for the Akali skin, then I just need to turn back time to get all the Odyssey event content again, among other missed events, then drop a couple hundred dollars to rebuy my champions and skins. Easy, no problem, I can handle that. Forget paying rent or anything, I need to fix this hole I've dug myself into so I can finally sleep and not hate myself.

I can't overcome my grief at my own inability without actually improving, but I can't even play the game in any reasonable capacity on a new garbage account that has nothing and makes me curse myself for all the stuff I threw away. Including my ~1200 winter tokens that went unspent and thus I bought the winter pass for absolutely nothing.

I can't start a new account again, I can't take the boring grinding, playing champions I don't want to be playing, being stuck with blind pick and having to spend money to get all the stuff I liked having again. I can't quit the game, I can't take the prospect of being a failure and a quitter, and not being able to ever reach the level of all my friends. There's no options anymore. I'm stuck, I'm trapped.

I don't want to quit, I don't want to let myself down and lose what little respect I still have for myself. I don't want to start over and smash my head on a wall repeatedly trying to get back to the point where the game's fun and playable again.

I'm driving myself mad trying to figure out how I'm supposed to fix this.

20 Comments

ı Sona ı12/30/2018, 7:13:56 PM6 votes

{quoted}

I'm driving myself mad trying to figure out how I'm supposed to fix this.

It's just a game.

Calm down. It's just a game.

Take a deep breath and relax, it's just a game.

Remember that you are trying to have fun, its just a game.

If the game isn't bringing you the joy you want out of it then it's ok to stop playing it, it's just a game.

You don't have to play more if you don't really want to, it's just a game.

Your happiness is what matters and there are other things to do, it's just a game.

There are a lot of better things to invest all your effort into than this, it's just a game.

When we're all buried in the ground you have to remember, this will still just be a game.

But to refrain from being banned, stop saying negative things in chat forever. It's just a game, is it worth the effort?

[sona-playing]

Imperial Pandaa12/30/2018, 6:23:47 PM1 votes

What is wrong with accepting that a specific type of game isn't your cup of tea? I have played some other MOBAs and either didn't enjoy them or was bad. Nothing wrong with that. Hell when I startrd League I was horrible and stopped for an entire year.

I can't get into WoW but I love SWTOR, GW2, and Runescape. There is nothing wrong with not fitting a specific game. Try other MOBAs, maybe DOTA is a better fit, or Smite.

If you feel you have to punish yourself, don't go with bans. Self impose a punishment by forcing like "Must win 20 Internediate Bot games with less than 4 deaths." or "Must be able to pull off combo x 9 out of 10 times" in the practice tool.

Kei14312/30/2018, 6:47:44 PM1 votes

If struggling to improve is the root of your causes of frustration, why not hire a LOL coach instead of spending money on cosmetics?

Micronova12/30/2018, 6:51:13 PM1 votes

Great, fucking GREAT.

So I get to look forward to having a new account that has:

  • No ranked borders or past ranks.
  • No icons besides the shit default ones.
  • No skins.
  • No skin borders.
  • Barely any champions.
  • No rune pages.
  • No emotes.
  • No ward skins.
  • No limited edition event content.

Yeah, that's a REAL great way to show I've been with this game for over 5 years. An account with fucking NOTHING.

I don't have the money to spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars to get all my content back again. I can't take this. I have to fix this. I have to fucking fix this. I have to get it all back. I need to be able to show I've followed this game for years.

The fuck does a new level 1 piece of shit account show anyone? All it shows is that I'm a fucking failure who had to start over AGAIN. That won't earn me anyone's respect.

I don't want to start over AGAIN and be greeted with "SNOWDOWN TIME, HAVE FUN! ONLY 9 DAYS LEFT FOR YOU TO EARN BACK ALL YOUR TOKENS, YOU CAN'T DO IT, HAHA YOU FUCKING FAILED YOU PIECE OF SHIT".

Micronova12/30/2018, 6:54:13 PM1 votes

I like collecting things. I like being able to see that I've earned/bought/collected a lot.

I can't stand all these empty collection tabs. I KNOW I've collected so many things over the years, and to have all these empty tabs is driving me off the wall.

I don't have the money to fix this. I can't turn back time to claim event exclusive rewards from past events.

How do I fix this. HOW DO I FUCKING FIX THIS

FatedDarkly12/30/2018, 7:36:44 PM1 votes

If you quit the game then you will have succeeded at quitting. Think about it. Instant success.

JusticeReigns12/30/2018, 7:38:55 PM1 votes

Maybe you just need to find the root of the issue.

Or maybe you need to go back to playing the game like it was fresh and new, not worrying about buying skins and just enjoying champions.

You get hexchests for playing and keys for playing honorably and these contain skins, so now you can get the skins you like for free over time and with a bit of patience.

KiyoYoshimaru12/30/2018, 7:41:16 PM1 votes

Uninstall league of legends.

Wait 9 days till the event is over.

If you want to keep playing, reinstall. If not, go try something else.

SyraKen12/30/2018, 7:42:55 PM1 votes

Have you tried removing your enter keys? No enter keys mean you can't enter chat.

If you feel the need to chastise yourself perhaps doing it out loud would keep you from being punished by typing it in game.

[{quoted}](name=ı Sona ı,realm=NA,application-id=ZGEFLEUQ,discussion-id=AlFZQ2hH,comment-id=0005,timestamp=2018-12-30T19:13:56.452+0000)

Calm down. It's just a game.

Put this on a corner of the monitor to remind so it stays in your field of vision or you can at least easily see it.

When you get mad at yourself, just look at yourself and repeat it.

This is your mantra. This is your affirmation .

"Calm down, it's just a game, i'm better than this."

LuluTopSionMid12/30/2018, 7:50:10 PM1 votes

Go on a walk, go watch a movie, draw something, cook something, build something, take something a part, go meet some people, visit the library, walk around the mall, do push ups, do sit ups, a second job, do some user testing, earn points at gamerkit, start a thread on reddit.

We all got problems son. Change happens when you really want it to. Maybe you just need to stop playing to get better.

fatherdarius12/30/2018, 9:48:58 PM1 votes

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_cost#Loss_aversion_and_the_sunk_cost_fallacy

Moonscourge12/31/2018, 2:27:22 AM1 votes

I used to share this feeling.

How I fixed it?

I started playing 1 game only per day. No matter if I lose or win. Sometimes I would just play a bot game for the day. This level of obsession almost isn't healthy, neither for you nor anybody around you. After a few weeks of this you will start to feel better, then you can slowly start playing a couple more games.

Nowadays I spam a ton of games on a few days, then not play for an entire week. That works really well for me. Good luck out there.

Hotarµ12/30/2018, 6:18:34 PM1 votes

As someone who was diagnosed with and is very prone to depression, please stop playing the game if it will benefit your mental health.

There's no reason to continue doing something if it contributes to your mental degradation. I understand you want to continue playing, but you need to exercise self control and try to ween yourself off of the game.

Even if you can't quit outright, slowly reduce your time played and focus on more calming things like watching movies or television. I like reading when I'm stressed/depressed, maybe try finding a genre you're interested in and look at some top rated books of that section. I find ambient music like Lo-Fi also really helps. Check out this playlist by Nohone for some calming sleephop.

FioraWillCarry1/2/2019, 3:54:55 AM1 votes

You do realize this is just a video game, right?