Toxic Player's Story (and how punishments/rewards need to change)

This is a rather long article, so please bear with me or skip to the end. Thank you.

I would like to start this off by saying I do not condone my actions and am in no way trying to excuse them. This is entirely personal experience and my thoughts from both bully and victim's pov. I've been playing this game since season 1, and never really had an issue with toxicity until around season 4. I think between growing popularity of the game, ranked atmosphere, and simply time put into the game, I began to grow frustrated with certain aspects of the game. Season 5 it only got worse as I began to express toxic behavior even more. I had a couple chat restrictions, but they didn't do much (do they really ever?). Eventually I got my first 2-week suspension.

At first I was upset that it finally actually happened, but I understood that I caused it and it was my fault. Played a few games on an alt account within those couple weeks, trying to keep it in moderation. I think now is a good time to mention I was only negative verbally. It did affect my gameplay, as getting tilted made me worse, but I refused to stoop down to intentionally feeding or trying to throw the game on purpose. During these two weeks I began to realize that people who fed/afk'd got the same punishment as someone who simply... typed. I tried reasoning with myself that verbally attacking someone could be just as harmful to the game as feeding/trolling or afking, but the more I thought about it the more I kept coming to the conclusion that one can be shut down and avoided while the other cannot. I started to question what the purpose of the 2-week suspensions actually are. Yes, it's a threat that your account can be taken away from you; a warning. The time spent on that account could make this particularly dangerous, but in many scenarios verbal toxicity is heat of the moment.

Fast forwarding a little bit, I had bouts of positive play, then negative play... and that trend continued. Trying to remain positive, breaking, then realizing I had to try and stay positive again. Clearly it was my own fault when it did happen; I should have just quit playing for the night when I got upset. But this game alone had molded me into a competitive person. Someone who had to say "just one more... I can win this one". Another chat restriction, and another eventual 2-week suspension. This one was even less effective, as I knew I'd just be back again. To me, playing the game was all that mattered. That sweet feeling of victory. The end-of-season rewards, honorable banners... none of that had mattered to me really. Sure, they were nice, but they weren't a necessity. When I did do something nice, or get "helpful" or "teamwork" after lobby, after so long the feeling just dissipated. It wasn't satisfying enough to do good for, not when I realized the sheer amount of trolls that still plagued the game, getting the same punishment as I had before. Just like I was back, they'd be back.

I wish I could say the trend has changed, I wish I could say I got the help I wanted and was finally able to play without outward negativity, but that time never came. Today I was permanently suspended, and many would say I deserve it. Even I think I deserve it some, but I've put nearly 7 years of my life into this game, spent more money on this than I've spent on anything else in my life, and now that's all... gone. I'm not a bad person, but I've been a bad summoner, and what I've learned is a simple solution that may not help everyone, but could have helped people like me. No matter who you are or what you've done on this game, losing almost 7 years of your life is painful, and maybe they deserve it... maybe they don't. What do you think? (it's not so black-and-white)

Full chat restrictions. The ability to disable all chat. No, not /all chat, but the entire chat. The ability to even type in a game. I think somewhere in the process this should be implemented towards people who are verbally abusive but do not feed/afk/troll. If they progress to the point where they do these things, then there should be further repercussions. Just remember, sometimes a bully is suffering too. Have compassion in all circumstances.

My previous ign was Achilae, and if I've ever hurt any of you reading this, I am sorry. I've had good times, I've had bad times, but I think now my times are done.