Why is there so much victim blaming by toxic players?

I hate using the word, "victim", but it fits the term I used. I really mean the subject of people's meltdowns when games aren't going the way someone wants.

Ever since behavioral bans started, way back when, it's been years of people whining, "Why should I get banned for calling people racial slurs, idiots, and wishing murder upon them? Just mute me". Why is it okay to shift the responsibility of action to the subject of toxic players, and not the responsibility of the toxic player to shut the hell up, knowing full well what the consequences entail?

Being entitled comes to mind, but it's such a liberally thrown around term, and I'm not really sure most people even understand what it means in every context, so I'm not trying to be cliché. It's just... I have worked investigations in one of the most dangerous cities in America, where people commit all kinds of crimes, and it was rare for me to hear someone try to justify their criminal action against a victim. They might have made excuses in an attempt to get sympathy, but it was never, "I mean, if he didn't want to get punched in the face, he shouldn't have looked at me, therefore it's really his fault and I should not be charged with anything".

Being a dick to someone in a video game isn't a crime, so please don't think I'm trying to compare murder / assault / rape to mean words on a monitor. It's just that the level of disconnect people keep showing with Action -> Consequence has been a continuous source of sadness with this community.

Not just that, but the excuse is always that people should just get thicker skin. I find that extremely hypocritical, because I've never seen a toxic player get talked back to, and just laugh it off and mute. It's usually them calling someone stupid, the person responding with, "Please be quiet", and then the aggressor going full toddler-mode. Somehow it's the person having a temper tantrum on the keyboard who believes it is others who need to grow a thicker skin, because it's the person clicking, "report" who clearly has the problem. Dear lord.