I Don't Think Teams Exist

It's just me and 10 enemies, myself included. I have to try and be better than I was to get further than I am. And I have to do it while pretending like all the negativity from team mates doesn't affect me. I have to do it while pretending that being punished by the enemy for my mistakes doesn't upset me and that I can just laugh it off and keep going at it. And I have to pretend like enemy taunts and whatever nonsense they do because they're having a good game after how many of their own defeats doesn't bother me at all.

But it does. It does bother me. They know it, you know it, I know it, and it doesn't matter. Everyone wants to be the winner. Everyone wants to be that guy on television that smiles at the "bad guys" and flips them off as the villain's secret lair burns in the background. And when that doesn't happen, it's never their fault. Nope, it's not the enemy's fault either. Nope. Because the bad guys are supposed to be dumb, incompetent, and easily defeated.

It's always the team's fault so allies just go off and insult each other because they've already given up on any hope for winning. The enemy has a 5 kill lead, for instance, it isn't the end of the game. But there's that guy who acts like it is and treats their team like crap over it. And, yes, I mute them, but that doesn't change much other than me not having to listen to them. Instead, the plays become progressively worse because few people will admit to their own mistakes and try changing their play. They just keep spouting how its gg and ff@20 and how the team is useless, 'jg is noob', 'bot lane is trash', 'top lane is retarded', or 'mid should kill themselves'.

Many times it isn't the enemy that defeats me, it's my own team. And that's why there is no team. Just me pitted against ten enemies myself included. Each game anymore is just three battles. Two civil wars and the battle between both teams. And its whichever team that ends up tilting the hardest that loses. It has nothing to do with skill or knowledge at this point. It's usually whoever can maintain their emotional, intellectual, and spiritual composure the longest that manages a victory. But the players I end up with on my teams are bound and determined to test each other for no other reason than to shift blame off themselves and onto others.

If you ever wonder why you are stuck where you are then examine how you behave in game and how your allies' and enemies' behavior affects you. If you don't have the fortitude to withstand the worst that this community has to offer then you, like me, are going to be stuck where you are for a while.

I'm personally not strong enough. I wish I was, but I'm not. I've anger management issues, limited patience, obsessive compulsive disorder, I suffer from manic depression, I do not respond well to authority, and I am descended from a long, long line of alcoholics and I, myself (adult aged) am a borderline alcoholic.

I've learned some means of maintaining control so as not to bring deliberate harm onto those I care about the most in my life. And I was raised proper by parents who taught me to do unto others as I wish done unto me. But I have my limits and some people who play this game seem like they've made a profession at tearing my limits asunder. And the only factor that prevents me from making the mistake of lashing out is the voice of reason inside my head that says, "They aren't worth it. There's always the next game. But there won't be if you do something stupid to get yourself banned." But even I have my breaking point where the anger I feel towards those who attack me and my allies for no significant reason will drown that voice out. I've not yet reached that point, but it exists.

I'm used to living backed in a corner with everyone in the room who isn't family looking down at me like I'm a crazed, disturbed, and angry beast. I hear the whispers in the corners of the halls at work places about me only to have everything go silent the instant I walk in the room. Wherever I go, I am not wanted except at home with my family and my dog. It's been that way for as long as I can remember.

And even though I'm sure there are others like me on this game, it disgusts and disturbs me that those like minder individuals would use a game as a means of misdirecting their frustration and anger onto others. And nothing I say is going to change that. I'll queue up again when the timer for the last time I dodged a queue with no less than three trolls in it expires and it'll be the same thing all over. Because not enough people care beyond themselves to make this game fun for everyone involved.