Giving Back to the Community
Before I begin, I would like to state that I have, yes, received a permanent ban from the League of Legends game. I deserved it, and this is no appeal, I do not wish for my account to be unbanned. I have respectively come to the boards to give back to the community.
My name is Dez, I got by Avitik in the internet world. It was just yesterday when I found my account to be banned and for good reason. My father died four days ago. He has always been there for my anxiety/panic disorder, and has helped me through suicidal moments in my life. He's gone, and nothing can bring him back.. I turn to games as I always have done to keep my mind off of reality, it helps me cope, helps me relax. I was in a state of depression and anger, and I told somebody in a game to kill themselves ("kys"), I've done this twice between the time of my dad passing and now, the first time may not have been caught. I am sorry. I have always been somebody who has had suicidal thoughts, somebody who has even attempted horrific acts like such. And I truly hope that nobody really hurts themselves just by what I, or anybody else in this game, has said. What I've learned from years of therapy is that nothing is worth hurting yourself, especially not if some salty person on an online game says so. To anybody who has even thought to hurt themselves or, even worse, commit suicide.. Please don't. There is much more to live for, and yes I speak only on this forum for a game about this. There is nothing worse than suicide.. We will all die one day, I'm sorry to say.. But we don't need to rush it. We need to spend our time with our loved ones and yes, play a few games every so often.
This is all so new to me, I can't even actually express my emotions right now, I'm still in mourning, so I'm still upset and probably will be. I should have never EVER said something so terrible, I feel the guilt, I really do. On top of that, the depression inflicted on me only four days ago.
I would have never apologized, or felt this guilt, until I was told that what I did was wrong, and I deserve punishment for it. To anyone whose teammate or opponent has told you to "kys", please do report them and assure that they get punished, it is not a nice thing to say, EVER. And please, PLEASE, don't take it to heart, people get upset, people have things going on in their own lives, as much as they shouldn't have said it, if something did happen to you and their name was on that note, they would feel the guilt, the wrath of God himself. But just.. never do anything harmful to yourself. I have in the past and now that I look back I am disgusted by my negative thoughts and emotions. Just remember, it's not worth it.
Now talking to those of you who are more salty, as I have been. When you say things like that, you're playing with complete strangers, you don't know how unstable they are emotionally. What just because they picked something against your means of "acceptable" such as Darius middle, then ends up feeding 1-10, does that mean he should kill himself? Because he was confident and had a bad game? You don't know that guy, he could be the person who makes the food you eat, the clothes you buy, in some way, he could be giving to the world, and those people do not deserve to be treated badly just because of a game.
** Thank you so much for you time, I'm not expecting good responses, but I will hear everyone's opinion. God Bless, Dez**
