Coming back and leaving again

I have been a member of this community for 6 years. I loved the first year, but kept playing as the toxicity of the community kept getting worse and worse. The passive aggressive nature of the arrogant players who believe they are better than every body drove me away and also kept me from playing ranked. If the solo non ranked queue was that toxic I couldn't imagine how toxic the ranked games would be. I am a below average player with limited knowledge of the game (talking 5 years ago), I played mainly twitch every single time I logged in. I had no desire to play any other champion, I just wanted to log in and have fun playing a game. In year 2 (four years ago) of my playing I slowly began to realize that you were textually abused, trolled in game by having your lane partner build opposite of what they are supposed to, berated, yelled at (caps texting) and those were the nice way the players talked to me. I realized that this wasn't a fun game anymore, this wasn't so much a game as it was a passive aggressive way to achieve in their eyes superiority over someone who they deemed not worthy of being in a match with them due to their skill level not being "good enough for them". I believe 3 years ago maybe 4 the positive feedback for players was introduced and at first it was great, players became nicer, I began to enjoy playing my limited roles again. In fact started to learn other champions. But then, people tried to find other ways to continue their arrogant i'm better than you passive aggressive ways, which lead to joining a game and immediately going afk because they didn't like their teams match up or they couldn't play the position they wanted. Essentially becoming nothing more than a baby that could press q w e or r and move the mouse and press a few buttons. This was the beginning of the end for my first run at league. I had more 5 v 2 or 5 v 3 (me being part of the 2 or 3) than I could ever care to have or want. The community needed to find a way to continue to be toxic without getting reported and so the era of trolling began when you didn't go afk you just built ad soraka and said fuck every body or built garen 100% mana regen. so between the constant abuse (to which I expect a lot of the people to read this will leave the comments) and the trolling and people not wanting to try because they couldn't get mid or top solo or bot adc, I walked away. I spent far too much angry over doing my best and always getting shit on. Only 1 or 2 players ever offered help in getting better it was always uninstall, never play this game again and worse.

I left, I am a lifelong gamer and I loved this game, but the toxicity of the community made me leave. I took a two to three year break and recently came back only to find that my account had been hacked. Well, after working with support to get my account back I have been playing now for about a week. I am still a bad player but I am better than I ever was when I played 30 hours a week (mostly twitch. In this week I have played predominantly pve as I have been trying to get a handle on all the changes and all the new champions (thresh was the last champion released when I walked away). I have now played pvp solo queue for (12 matches I think) and out of those 12 matches had 1 win (the first) and 11 losses. I was textually abused in chat in 9 out of the 11 matches my team lost. I was most definitely the worst player in the match from either team. instead of helping, they would either tell me to uninstall, go fuck myself, stop feeding, your a loser, report him (me). In those same 11 losses I have personally reported about 6 players for taking it beyond a game and making it personal as if their life depended on me being a better player. That is 10% of all the players I have played with in 11 matches that I reported for abuse (call me a cry baby community, go ahead I'm expecting it) 10% is just too high. I am not a good player I will never be a good player, I just don't have the time to invest to be a good player, I have a job, family, bills to pay. I got about 8 hours a week to play video games and I want to play them and have fun and try as hard as I can to do well in any given match. If I fail, I know I failed. I do not need to harassed, abused, picked on, trolled, reported for feeding (in most cases I was either abandoned in my lane to solo bot or the support decided to play an ap champ as ad). I am not making excuses for being a bad player, I know I am bad, hell, if I played ranked matches I bet I couldn't even get up 1 tier in bronze. But this community is not forgiving and does not take the game as fun way to pass the time. Apparently with the players I have played with in the last week this game has to be taken more seriously than a terrorist bombing. In their eyes you can live through a bombing but you can't live through a bad player on your team, at least that is the impression these players left.

So, here I sit writing this long post to say that I walked away because the community was full of arrogant passive aggressive abusive trolling players that stopped making it fun to play. PVE (coop vs ai) is ok to play the people on pve are better than solo queue but they still become abusive (incessant pinging, "dude, what the fuck are you doing", get the fuck out of my lane (seen it three times in chat, I personally do not invade others lanes but people type it from what I have seen), "why are you not listening to me?"; jesus fuck its pve, why are people getting angry. Its a place to learn characters and practice the basics. Encourage bad players, practice your champ, stop being abusive. On a side note of PVE I find it difficult to learn a new champion or practice last hitting minions when everyone that plays it is pushing so hard to finish a match before the 18 minute mark. Everyone is just so damn aggressive in intermediate that you cannot even get a full build match in, no one cares to help out bad players like myself, its all about them.

There in a nutshell is the problem with solo queue non ranked matches. It is an individual game not a team game, you may be five players to a team but, all anyone ever cares about is themselves. When a bad player such as myself calls for help because im losing the lane, instead of "ill help", I get why the fuck do you even play, you are ruining "my game". Seriously?, its a game of five people on a team but it's your game...come on people.

I sit here after a week of playing (two days PVP) with such a raw rage against the community that I feel I have to walk away again. Nothing has changed. If in 2 days of playing I have blocked and reported 10% of my teammates for constantly telling me its my fault, I cannot imagine how it would be if I played a week of PVP. So, I think its best to just walk away again and this time never come back. Not being able to play this game as bad as I am has killed me the last two years. I wanted to give riot time to address the toxicity and hopefully make it a better community for all. They have not done that. Us bad players still get abused and shit on in every match. I want to get better but I cannot in PVE because the matches don't last long enough 9for full builds or late game strategy), and I know I cannot play well in PVP so, I am left in a sort of limbo. I understand the basics of the majority of 70ish champions I own, but, I do not know enough to move out of intermediate PVE and I cannot play intermediate PVE as I know all I can in that without full builds). When I do try to do PVP I get shit on constantly for trying (I am also up front in champ select in letting them know I have been away from the game a long time and suck).

So, what the fuck can I do? If I stay in PVE I can kill a turret, build boots, maybe build a black cleaver and infinity edge...but that's three items out of six. It isn't a complete match. If I go in to PVP, I suck I do what I can turret hug, last hit the best I can (need to get better at that) but I spend so much time getting abused in chat for playing badly that I cannot learn in that regard either. I could turn chat off but, important information comes through the chat. Its a double edged sword turn chat off you ignore your teammates (sorry, individualistic supporters to a common end) but you don't get abused at the same time. You are left with learning the new pinging system (new to me I didn't know until today that the ping system has a wheel now).

So, I am just done. If I want to be abused I'll take a drink from bill cosby or ride in an elevator with ray rice. I don't need it from this community.