Being mad =/= trying to be a jerk

Every time i find myself playing this game, i always fall into the same emotional pitfall of anger and depression. I am in no ways trying to be a jerk to people, i am just so heavily on tilt mid game that i either give up or am on a nuclear level of rage. This doesn't just happen once in a great while, this is part of my issue of being emotionally unstable.

Litterally this game has taught me 2 things.
1. I'm never going to be good at anything, no matter how much i try, how much time i put into anything (not just league), I always fall short. 2. Because i'm emotionally unstable and fall into pits of low morale and depression or become so violently angry that I literally want terrible things to happen to the people around me. That i shouldn't exist, i dont deserve to ever find a place to be happy or to belong. I question myself on a daily basis, why i cant be happy and just have fun, why people bother me so much?

People say 'quit being a jerk'... being mad isn't being a jerk. Sure you might say things that are similar, but the difference is conscious intention.

I'd love to stop feeling that because i get mad and sad sometimes that i dont deserve to exist. But that is never going to happen. I could quit league, but i've invested so much time and the damage has already been done.

I dont know where to go from here. People suck, Games suck, Life sucks, everything sucks... Why can other people be happy, but i sit here wishing i wasn't here. sigh