Work In Progress need critisism

Demon King Maou·4/28/2016, 3:04:49 AM·1 votes·169 views

Not final version WIP

[Skip this part if you're here for the story this is just something for me so i can keep track of important stuff while writing]

---- [ BIO ] ---- [Male] [Name] Vauren is the name given to him by the men who took him in.. His true name is unknown [Weak] Throughout his life Vauren was not a very strong man and would use agility and intelligence to his advantage rather then strength.. [Height] Vauren's Height was 5' 6" [Weight] ??? (Unknown atm) [Early Life] Vauren was a boy of low birth and low repute whom made it day to day learning to survive off the misfortune of others.. His earliest memory was of his parents abandoning him in the middle of night.. And then soon after being taken in by a local gang of thieves who would care for him and give him all the skills Vauren would ever need to survive in this land of extreme cold..

[Skip above if you're here for the story this is just something for me so i can keep track of important stuff while writing]

And so our story begins.. In a land of cold and death A land so cold and unforgiving that the simplest mistake would lead to certain death.. The Freljord http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/leagueoflegends/images/a/a0/Freljord.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110612011449 In this land so cold there lived a boy so frail . . so small . . Yet in time this frail boy would become one of the most influential figures in a war now long forgotten . . Long Forsaken . . Where do i begin . . . Lets start things off right in the beginning..

---- [ Early Age ] ---- The earliest memories Vauren had was him being taught how to fend for himself and being taught basic martial arts so that he Could defend himself if he ever needed to.. However Vauren was a boy who despite his upbringing despised conflict and refused to take up arms.. Even if by doing this ment he was the one who would be targetted he would never raise his hand to another.. However because of this the Children whom he Lived with would often bully him and pick on him when the adults were not around.. Vauren however never let this bother him and grew to tolerate the Emotional and Physical pain the other children Inflicted upon him on a daily basis.. Time would slowly pass and Vauren would mature into a young man and soon he would be required to contribute to the community.. Afterall The thieves never intended The boy to be a Charity case.. Why else would a group of thieves take a boy this weak and young? A boy whose passing would never of been missed and whose death would of been absolutely certain.. At first Vauren refused and hated the idea of taking another's property.. It didn't belong to him and either did it belong to the men he was being trained to steal for.. So why did i have to do it?.... But i couldn't say no to them i had to do it or else they'd get rid of me.. I don't know how to live on my own i need them.. Thinking this the boy complied with the thieves and would in time complete all the training given to him.. In time he was ready to start offically earning his keep and for the thieves to see if keeping the boy alive all this time was truly worthwhile.. The task that was decided for the boy was to infiltrate the local lords manor and make off with the most expensive thing's he could get his hand on.. However the manor was heavily guarded and getting in would not be easy for the boy.. This first task was one Vauren would never forget and potentially one of the most important events in his life..

[ To be continued ]

---- [ Early Age End ] ----

ZzZzZzZ...! Ah! i wasn't sleeping i swear!... hmm? the story? oh right.. Where did we leave off again?.. oh right the first task..

---- [ The Trial ] ---- The target Vauren was given wasn't your average lord this man was a well known slaver and was known for his service to The Frozen Watchers and was known for the many sacrifices he gave to these "Creatures" the man would enslave any who spoke out against him and would immediately have them sent off to the "Creatures" in hopes that They may grant him immortality like the Three sister's.. To Vauren this man was just a sad depraved creature who thought that by trading the lives of others he could gain un imaignable power.. Now that i think about it his fate was a rather Ironic one.. However Vauren knew that if he were to be captured by the men in the lord's service he would likely end up the same as trespassing is punishable by death and that he would likely be on his on if he were to be captured.. No chance of escape if i am captured nobody has ever escaped that mans manor... Vauren knew that he would have to know everything about the building including everything about the men who guard it.. Which time do they switch? Which time do they sleep? Which time do they eat? Which time do they leave? And in order to learn anything about those men and their schedules he would either have to infiltrate the manor or.. Get one of them drunk and have them spill Everything on the manor.. But getting one of these men drunk is not such a simple task considering Freljordian men are known for their ability to hold their Alcohol! Vauren would need to find one who couldn't hold his beer yet didn't know when to stop drinking.. Someone who hates his job or someone who spends every momment off work in the bar.. those kinds of people would be ideal for Vauren to target.. And thus the stalking and trailing of many a guard began.. Vauren would soon know when they sleep, When they wake, When they eat, When they bathe ETC... soon many a weeks had passed and Vauren by pure chance had came across information far better then he could of ever hoped to have obtained.. The local lord was hosting a party for The newly announced Iceborn sisters.. Likely to get on their good sides and potentially one day become Iceborn himself.. The lord invited men and women of status from across the freljord and Vauren knew.. This was his chance! Never will i get such a good opportunity again! in a week's time the event was to be held and he decided he would sneak into the manor after all of the guests had entered and blend in with all the people present.. Getting what he needed would now be a cinch! Now i wouldn't need to do things the hard way and if worse comes to worse i'll just plant the stolen good's on poor Fool let them take the blame for it.. Afterall it would be a nice change of pace. . Instead of commoner being enslaved it would be the nobility being enslaved and it would be only fair for them to see the pain the people this "Lord" enslaves go through when he sacrifices them to those "Creatures" .. It would definately make them think twice the next time they treat us like tool's only for their benefit..

--------------------------------------- In progress --------------------------------------------- If you any tips on improvements please comment below

Also im not sure what kind of champion the completed Vauren will be but feel free to vote in the limited poll below or comment a type in comment section! All critisim is welcome and yeah! ^_^ im not very good at writing stories but i'd like to make his a memorable one

Vauren's Story will be revolving around the three sisters Lissandra, Avarosa and Serylda Mainly around Serylda [ Thinking about a romance atm but not sure ]

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