Quitting League of Legends

It all started one day in May, 2015, just under 2 years ago, that I began playing League of Legends. The very first champion I played (officially) was Garen I played a Bot Game, not knowing or being aware of what jungling was- what a Baron Nashor was- hell, I don't think I could comprehend that some champion's had passive abilties that were not actives- and was so confused when they did nothing when I pressed the button. Fast forward to today. approximatley 2000 games later, and countless hours that I would be ashamed of... The last champion I played was Kled, in an ARAM game- a mode for fun. However, this game was different. I was enraged. I was so angry that whenever I died I could barely contain myself, stifling roars. For the longest time, when I got home from work, or school- I looked forward to sitting back, and enjoying the game that I have loved and hated for so long. Rather than being oblivious to what people said in the chat box for quite sometime, I really did have a great time with League. 2 years from that day, I find myself not wanting to double click on that "L" icon on my desktop, because I am afraid of what I will encounter. I don't want to be flamed for my mistakes anymore, I don't want to lose. I despise losing, even though that is what I am good at. But what my experience with League has done to me is irreversible. I have become that flamer. I hate myself for it. I have absorbed so much toxicity, I have began to release it. Now I find myself lashing out at anyone who kills me, calling it BS, or broken, and then becoming even angrier when the enemy replies with something like, "cry all you want," or "let me explain why fizz is balanced," or, oh how it boils my blood- "git gud." Do you know- and I assume a lot of you can understand, what it's like to be flamed, or to have a toxic person on your team. It. Fucking. Sucks. When you have played a game for almost 2 entire years, and have encountered just about every kind of player possible, it's kind of hard not to be prejudiced. Because of ONE PERSON, I feel my insides turn when I see a specific champion. I will never look at that champion the same way again. Bad experiences can stack up though... one by one... and all at once- or over a long time- you just CRACK! You want others to feel like so many other's have made you feel. Basically just make you feel like shit, I ain't gonna sugar coat it. Also, just getting on your nerves, tilting you, bm'ing. It makes my vision go red. Not only have I become a dick in the game, but I have changed IRL too. I find myself much more aggressive and agitated, and people who know me well know I am a chill and mellow person. But recently... You can get the idea. It started with Garen, and it has ended with him. Howling Abyss, a mode for FUN, remember? Yeah. Fun. Should go well, I should enjoy myself. I was Zac, a champion that I have mained from time to time, and I see a Garen on the enemy team taunting us, he has very low health, and so does the skarner next to him. I charge up a slingshot and land on both of them- W, and finish them both off with a Q, and getting a double kill. I type into All Chat; "taunt that bruh." He replies; "1) This is ARAM, why you gotta be mad. 2) I am Garyn (he spelled it that way)- bm'ing is part of his kit." So, naturally, I don't like this guy. Anyone who bm's or taunts instantly makes me want to kill them. Our banter goes on and on throughout the game, you know... but eventually both teams have 2 towers down. My team consists of; Me, Zac Ahri Janna Wukong and Yasuo THERE team consists of; Garen (the douchebag) Singed Quinn Sivir and Skarner they have an extremely tanky composition, so when the late game rolled by, it became increasingly harder to kill them off (we could not take out the backline without garen running among our's, and it eventually just got to me). "Cocky AF with a tanky comp" I don't recall exactly what he replied with, but I think it was along the lines of calling me a little bitch for whining. It soon got to where it was clear we could not win, but it was too late, and they defeated us in 28 and a half minutes. Garen finished with a score of 11/7/36 I finished with a score of 14/9/30 I did the second most damage on my team with just a protobelt and thornmail , next to a full AP Ahri. Garen did not need much to do damage, as his Ult's passive basically butchered any chance of me being useful. After the game had come to an end, Garen types into the chat box a foreign language, and purposefully left some words I could read like CRY CRY, and TANKS META OP I told him he was a douche and that I was reporting him (because that solves all the problems right?) and he says; "Do it." "(Something unintelligable)- fucking r%%%%%." (actually said something more like how much of a whiner I was, but he was basically hinting at me). I was seething after I exited the chat room. The very next game I got Kled , and I felt an unbridled rage I have never felt before. Just so happend the enemy team had a Garen on it. That game, whenever I could I would fight Garen, telling him to 1v1 me. He didn't seem toxic at all, kinda neutral actually. But I still hated him. And it wasn't like he CHOSE who he got, it is ARAM, but I still wanted to throttle this guy. I ended the game with 14 kills, 8 deaths and 28 assists, In a little under 17 minutes. I stopped playing after that game, and when I turned my computer off I knew I would never look at Garen the same way again. Another champion ruined for me- hell I enjoy playing Garen, but now I probably will never purposefully take him up again. I have a code where I do not play champions that I hate to play against, especially champions that I have had bad experiences with. (one being Veigar ). I came to a conclusion. Either quite League forever. Or Become a Hippie and keep playing League. Now, I don't know if you guys have a heard a statistic that said, for every 1 positive comment, you remember 12 more negative ones, but that might be playing a huge role here. My bad experiences are definitely overriding my good ones, and I don't know what to do honestly. I'm lost. One simple solution many are quick to relent people with is, "MUTE THEM." And I have, but it is really easy to forget that you don't have to listen to their BS when they are constantly picking on you like you are a little kid. It seems pathetic I fold in so easily to strangers, people I don't even KNOW, but that is just me I guess, I take insults and I throw no punches. And then I feed. Then I get flamed. Then I get reported for intentional feeding, and when I try to defend myself, all I get is those same, stereotypical comments that coexist with being a degenerate. That might be a little harsh, but I've had enough OK!? But now I might as well reminisce all my good memories of League, and maybe rethink this entire thing. My first Pentakill... Sion My first backdoor win... Reksai The first time I got out of Bronze, and was promoted to Silver... When I go back to think back at all those hours of games... all those times I have killed or I died, I have failed to... for such a long time to realize how much this game has done for me. I fail to realize that there are chill people who play this game too, and that I struggle so hard to accept that no one is perfect, Not me, not you (but I ain't judging you), no one. I used to get this warm feeling of excitement in my chest when I thought of playing League of Legends. It made me feel good. I loved that feeling of escape. Nothing describes that feeling I got when I carry my team, or even all those meaningless ty's and gj's I have gotten... I remember... that not all human's are assholes, some are pretty damn nice, and just want to have fun just like me. And if that Garen is reading this... Thanks for making me realize why I am addicted to League of Legends, why I love and HATE it. Thank you. I hope you are still taunting and bm'ing in the next world from here on out my friend.